CHAPTER 3 – I’M NOT A “SINKER”
I have always thought triathletes are really impressive. They have to find a unique balance of skill, strength, endurance and mental toughness. I wanted to be a triathlete.
There was only one little problem: Triathlons include a swim, a bike, and then a run. I could bike and run but I could barely swim a lap in a pool let alone hundreds of meters in a lake.
No problem, right? Just start swimming.
I bought a pass to my local pool and a really fast-looking Speedo (no joke – I thought a tighter bathing suit would help me improve more quickly) and I started swimming.
At first I swam once per week, but I didn’t really get any better. I could swim a lap or two and then was completely out of breath. So, I started swimming three times per week. Practice makes perfect!
It didn’t.
No matter how hard I swam, I wasn’t getting any faster and I couldn’t swim much further. I began swimming 5 times each week and knew that I was bound to figure it out sooner than later.
Nope. I was still exhausted after just a few minutes in the pool and my aspirations of becoming a triathlete began to fade.
After swimming five times per week and seeing no progress I was on the verge of quitting. I was frustrated and felt like I was wasting my time. Maybe I was just a “sinker”? Maybe I wasn’t built to swim?
Fortunately I didn’t quit. Instead, I learned a lesson.
During one of my swim sessions an off-duty lifeguard approached me while I was catching my breath (likely after swimming just 2 or 3 agonizing laps!)
“Are you interested in few tips on how you can improve your technique?” she asked.
I was thrilled. After all, I certainly couldn’t get any worse!
She gave me a couple simple things to think about while I swam the rest of my laps. Her advice wasn’t easy – in fact, I do think I got a little bit slower while I tried to change my technique - but the next time I went swimming things started to click. I was still dying by the end of a few laps but it did feel a bit easier. The next time got easier too. And so did the time after that.
Within a month I was swimming 60 laps without much trouble. I wasn’t a “sinker” at all! I just needed to be pointed in the right direction.
The vast majority of my clients wanted to lose weight. How could I help ensure this would happen? I needed to find a new direction.
I started studying other personal trainers and examining businesses that operate in the health and fitness industry. One thing became very apparent: Most of them were really good at selling hopes and dreams, but very bad at following with actual results.
Consumers spend billions of dollars per year in an effort to lose weight, but at the same time obesity rates around the world have doubled in the past 30 years.
People are spending more and more on fitness, and are getting more and more out of shape at the same time. The available weight-loss and fitness “solutions” simply aren’t working and I wasn’t satisfied being part of this game.
Fortunately I had an unfair advantage over every other personal trainer out there – I was married to Cassie!
My wife is a gifted clinical counsellor who spends much of her time helping clients make positive life changes. Often she helps them change in areas that I wanted to help my clients - She teaches her clients how to overcome psychological barriers such as Cognitive Dissonance and the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?
She also helps clients who are struggling with anxiety, loneliness, depression, and many other psychological issues that seemingly have little to do with fitness. While their issues may be different, every client Cassie works with has one thing in common with each of my clients: They all want to change.
Cass and I spent a lot of time talking about the approaches she uses in her clinical work and howthey are very applicable to fitness. One idea called the Transtheoretical Model (or the Stages of Change) seemed especially relevant.
The Transtheoretical Model of behavior change assesses an individual's readiness to act on a new healthier behavior, and provides strategies, or processes of change to guide the individual through the stages of change to Action and Maintenance.
Simply put, this model shows how a person moves from a place of not wanting to change at all (Precontemplation), to considering and learning about change (Contemplation), then preparing for change (Preparation), adopting new changes (Action), and finally being able to maintain those positive changes over time (Maintenance). The diagram below shows how these stages interact.
Knowing about these stages instantly helped me improve the service I offered new clients. Being able to identify which stage they were in enabled me to develop a plan that corresponded to their stage and their specific needs.
For example, Becky came to meet me on the recommendation of her friend, whom I had worked with for several years. Becky was overweight and voiced a desire to lose 30lbs that year. She told me about her diet and that she knew it needed to be fixed. She also admitted that she didn’t exercise at all, but that she understood exercise would be needed in order for her to reach her 30lb goal.
What stage do you think Becky was in?
She was preparing herself to take action – She was in the third stage of the model.
The old version of myself would have put together an amazing workout plan for Becky to follow. I would have booked her in for a training session that week – “We’ve got no time to lose!”
Now I knew better. Becky wasn’t ready to take serious action, but she was ready to start talking about some baby-steps that would put her on the right path towards reaching her goal. If I had given her a full-blown fitness and nutrition program to follow there is a slim chance she would have made through the first month. A client like Becky needed to be coached into the Action stage of change.
This was a massive turning point in my career. Understanding the psychological needs of my clients made it so much easier to help them develop a plan that felt within reach. I started to feel enthusiastic about fitness again and was excited to learn more.
With Cass’s help I started building a new fitness program based on the Stages of Change as well as a number of other powerful coaching concepts. We spent a lot of time discussing motivation and the power of working with others. Cass also taught me about the process of effective goal-setting. Sure, everyone talks about the importance of setting goals, but I wanted to know why some people achieve theirs while others give up so quickly.
The psychology of behavior change became the backbone of my approach to fitness. Yes, I still taught many of the same exercise and nutritional concepts I had for years, but the delivery was different. My new approach was much more adaptable and much more defined by accountability and motivation, two things that I had been missing all these years (despite the fact that I thought I had been an expert in both!)
In this book I am going to teach you the most important lessons I have learned about making positive life changes. Specifically, you are going to learn that the process of losing weight is simple, but challenging. It’s more than just “eat less, exercise more” – It requires introspection, honestly, planning, and working with others in your life.
After reading this book you will have an action plan and will be able to confidently make the right choices that do provide results. You will be able to lose weight and keep it off for a lifetime.
I almost gave up when I was trying to learn to swim. I wrote myself off as a “sinker” and figured that I was just going to have to live with that truth.
Maybe you’ve had a similar experience with losing weight? You’ve tried really hard without making any progress and you’ve started thinking, “I guess I’m just not meant to lose weight” or “Maybe this is just the body I’m stuck with?”
Those types of thoughts are not true.
Yes, everyone is born with a different body shape and size – Not everyone is going to be a 6-foot tall rail-thin model. BUT, everyone can dramatically change the way his or her body looks and feels by adopting the set of healthy living practices I’m going to outline in the coming pages.
As I found when learning to swim, trying harder at implementing a broken system or technique wasn’t going to make me a better swimmer and it’s not going to help you lose weight and keep it off. Having the right direction is critical.
Each month I host accountability groups (called the “10 in 4” Challenge) that help people make positive life changes and help them lose weight in the process. The participants are shaping their lives based on the principles you are about to learn in this book and their changes have been remarkable. Here are just a few of their comments:
Umm…it’s quite extraordinary, but I’m down 7lbs. Four after the first week and an additional 3 since Sunday…I’m just really happy to have some movement on the scale since the small tweaks I’ve made over the last few years have had no effect. -Julie
Dave! I’ve lost 10lbs! I’m amazed and so thrilled! I wore pants to dinner last night that I hadn’t worn in nearly a year and they didn’t fit! I wore them anyway but they were so big in the waist that they also became too long. -Caroline
What I consider my biggest accomplishment is losing 23lbs over the past 9 weeks. Finding accountability has been the most helpful part. –Donna
My results have been really good – I’m down 12.5lbs and I feel better than I have in a really long time. The best part is how much I’ve been able to change my eating. This is simple and is something I will be able to keep doing. -James
I’m down 8.5-9lbs and am just about at my pre-baby weight, which was about 5lbs heavier than usual anyway. My original weight is in sight now! I’ve certainly learned a lot about food as it relates to my needs. -Sarah
A girl at work just got her diet pills and a couple others just finished their “cleanse”. I’m just glad I’m doing something normal and sustainable. -Keely
Many of these people once thought they were “sinkers” too. But, just like when I couldn’t swim, it wasn’t about a lack of ability or determination. They were able to make tremendous life changes and lose significant amounts weight once they were pointed in the right direction.
You’re not a “sinker”…nobody is.
6. Take another look at the Stages of Change diagram in this chapter and the brief descriptions of each stage. When it comes to your fitness, which stage do you think you’re currently in?
7. Have you ever started to believe that you’re just a “sinker”? Do you think there is any truth in that?