Behavioural Changes To Forever Weight Loss
We all seek the motivation, insight and wisdom to turn our goals into reality. Without the right motivation, as we get closer and closer to our long-sought goals, they may turn into a mirage. The wrong motivation is why many weight loss plans spiral into a cycle of yo-yo dieting.
The key to a lifetime of better health lies in understanding Kirstie Alley’s fat-to-riches story. The more weight she gains, the more money she makes for losing it. Here she is again on a reality TV show; another weight loss gig, another cool $10 million. Are the negative health effects of yo-yo dieting -- nutritional deficiencies, emotional and mental stress, and potential organ damage -- worth all the money in the world? Kirstie is Big Life proof that we need the right motivation to change our lives. As I watch Kirstie spend her money on her reality TV show, I want to give her a big, comforting hug, and help her explore her real problems.
The promise I make to you in this chapter is to show you how to face the real challenges affecting your health, weight and quality of life by helping you find that true motivation. The challenges we face require only one thing, and that is that we learn to act differently. Every motivational speaker, weight loss guru, or expert can offer solutions, but the real change comes when people act differently and change their behavior. Whether you want to lose five pounds or 150 pounds, if you follow the steps in this chapter, you will start to act differently and your weight will change. You will no longer think and act like an overweight person, and you will achieve your desired weight.
39
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
40
By the end of this chapter you will:
Discover behaviors that have been holding you back from years of success
Develop completely new behaviors and a new way of doing things
Start to look at yourself and the world in a whole new light
How do we change behaviors? According to the man who inspired the world to make better products, you need to be a master of improving the quality of your life. In the 1950s, American management consultant W. Edwards Deming went to Japan to find out why the Japanese built better cars. Deming learned that by empowering the worker on the factory floor, everything from cars to TVs could be made better, cheaper and faster. The same principle holds true for building better health. Deming put it best: “It’s not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and then do your best.”
It’s not enough to want to lose weight. Before you can lose weight, you first must decide why you are doing it.
Most people have no clue why they want something. They may think they do, but they really don’t.
What would be a strong enough why to motivate you to achieve your ideal healthy weight for the rest of your life? To be full of energy and vitality? To produce strong, healthy cel s? Think about it. The only reason that you fol ow through with anything in your life is because you have found a compelling enough why.
Once you have found this motivation, nobody will have to tell you to get up early in the morning or stay up late at night to fit in a workout. Nobody will have to tell you to go that extra step to achieve all the success you have been aching for in your life. Nobody will have to tell you because you wil have a strong enough why. Even if what you’re Think, Act, Love, Lose Weight
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
41
doing is outside your comfort zone, you will not hesitate to break right through your fear and come out the other side in the winner’s circle.
I ask my clients, “Do you want to be in great shape?”
“Of course,” they typically say, “That’s a dumb question, Shane.” But what is really behind that desire? You don’t just want to be in great shape. Maybe you want to have more energy, to feel great, to look hot, to live longer, to be able to play with your children or grandchildren without getting tired, or to have a fantastic attitude.
This is the why that really drives you, that gets you so excited and emotionally charged that you will do anything to achieve your goal. When you know exactly what you want and you have a strong enough why, your newfound motivation will literally light a fire inside of you.
When I acquired my first and closest mentor six years ago, he sat me down in his office and asked me some important, life-changing questions. I was young, and so excited, and telling him all my dreams and goals with so much enthusiasm. On and on I gushed until he cut me off mid-sentence. “Shane, stop.” “What do you mean, stop?” I implored, “I have so much more to tell you.”
“Shane, listen closely,” he said, “You understand business, and you’re one of the most motivated people I have ever met in my life. It’s just a matter of time before you’re at the top.” His comments got me even more excited. Here was a man who makes over one hundred million dollars a year telling me that I was going to make it big.
In those days, I had trouble controlling my excitement and keeping my mouth shut. “Come on, I have this great idea. Just let me tell you,” I said.
h
C a t
p e
:
3
r
a
r
u
o
i
v
a
h
e
B
l
s
s
o
L
t
h
g
i
e
W
r
e
v
e
r
o
F
o
T
s
e
g
n
a
h
C
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
42
I am glad he had so much patience with me. “Shane, listen closely,” he repeated. “Why do you want success?” I thought, “What a dumb question. I’m wasting my time here.” How could this guy have made one hundred million dollars and ask why I want to be successful? I had the cockiest attitude back then. I stood up and said, “To make one hundred million dollars, just like you.” And he said, in a calm voice, “Shane, go home and think about this question for the next two weeks and then come back and see me.”
“What, so I can come back and say the same thing?” I thought, “What kind of mentorship is this? I thought he was going to teach me how to make lots of money!”
“I’ll see you in two weeks,” he said. I stormed out of his office, fire coming out of my ears.
I went home and pondered the question for a week, still not coming up with anything other than my strong desire to make one hundred million dollars. The following week, the answers finally started to come. I had many reasons to make one hundred million dollars. I could help hundreds of thousands of people live better lives. I could help them change their weight forever. I could help humanity by making the world a better place to live. I realized I wanted to become better at everything I do, and help as many people as I could overcome their challenges along the way.
“Yes,” I said to myself, “It’s about making the world a better place. If I could make a difference in the world and help people, how awesome would that be? It’s not about me, but about helping as many people as I can. If I’m not giving, I’m not living.” It was like a light bulb went on in my head, or maybe a higher power showing me why I was really here on earth.
Now I understood what my true purpose was. The commitment to helping others was now propelling me forward.
I was so excited about going back to see my mentor that Think, Act, Love, Lose Weight
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
43
the night before our meeting I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. I kept looking at the clock. Is it time to get up yet?
Finally, my alarm went off that morning. I jumped out of bed yelling, “Let’s go help people, and make the world a better place!”
On my way to the meeting that day I was so excited, I was driving a little too fast. The next thing I know, I was pulled over by a police officer. He walked up to my window and asked, “Young man, how come you’re driving so fast?”
“I’m on my way to help people and change the world, make it a better place!” I shouted, “That’s why I’m here on earth!”
He took a step back, looking at me as if I were possessed. I quickly started to explain. Then, with a smirk, he said, “You have a good meeting, and drive the speed limit on your way.” I never received a ticket that day.
As I walked into my mentor’s office, he was sitting in his usual place behind his desk. “I got it! I know exactly why I’m here,” I yelled, “It took me about a week, but I figured it out. I’m here to make one hundred million dollars. Hal-lelujah! I’m going to be rich! Thanks for the advice.” His look was priceless.
Then I said, “Just kidding. I’m here to help people, to change the world, to make the world a better place, and to put other people before myself. I realized I can only be happy if I am helping humanity.”
He stood up and looked over at me with the most disap-pointed look on his face. Then he slowly sat back down in his chair and shook his head with a slight air of disgust. I thought to myself, “What more can he want? What could be a better answer than that?”
“Just kidding,” he said, a big grin spreading across his face. “Don’t ever try to trick one of your mentors. Believe me, you won’t win. They’ll always get the last laugh.” Chapter 3: Behavioural Changes To Forever Weight Loss http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
44
“Shane,” he continued, “you just found a compel ing enough reason to keep you going until you reach your goal.
You have a strong enough why that will keep you motivated but, more importantly, when you get there you’re going to feel like you have accomplished something other than just having a large bank account balance.”
With these wise words, my mentor set me off on the journey I am on today. And it is this same message that I would like to share with you. You have to have a strong enough why or you’re not going to follow through on your weight loss goal. The more powerful your why, the more compelling your journey will be, and the more emotional commitment you will have attached to your goal. A strong enough why can change your weight and your life. Once you have a convincing why, you will do whatever it takes to achieve your goal. No matter what challenges, obstacles, or setbacks you face; no matter what food is put in front of you; no matter what injury or medical condition you have; no matter what, you will always find or create a way because you have a powerful enough why.
Developing behavioral flexibility
Once you have a motivating why, you then need to have the behavioral flexibility to achieve your goal. If you keep doing the same thing, you’re going to keep getting the same result. If what you’re doing gets you closer to your goal, then keep doing it. But if you are not getting closer to your goal, you have to be able to recognize what’s working and what’s not, and start doing things differently.
The problem is most people are stuck in behavioral patterns that are not taking them closer to their goals. They get set in their ways. Political leaders, for example, would
make terrible weight loss consultants. So often countries
remain in the same political quagmire for decades – North and South Korea, or Israel and Palestine, for example –
because neither side will change their behavior.
Think, Act, Love, Lose Weight
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
45
If you have behavioral flexibility, you can keep changing and adapting to situations until you get exactly what you want. If you’re in an argument with someone and you want the communication to work out for both of you, develop flexibility in your own communication and keep adapting to the other person. Eventually, you will both end up happy.
It’s tough at times to change our approach because most of the time we’re so used to doing things a certain way. But if you adopt an attitude of behavioral flexibility, you can change your outcomes. I can’t count how many times I have had to change my course of action to get to where I am today. When I started to use this approach, my life changed dramatically. I started to become consciously aware of what was working and what was not.
Take relationships. How many people keep choosing the exact same behavior and just hoping the relationship is going to get better?
Where else in your life do you feel that you need some behavioral flexibility? Where do you feel you have been stuck in the same behavior, and if you were to change that behavior your life would completely change?
Everyone reading this book wants to lose some weight.
When we’re exercising and eating healthy we can literally start to see the change in our energy in weeks, days, or sometimes even hours or minutes. So as you’re going along on your journey, it’s really important to stop and look at what you’re doing. Is what you’re doing taking you closer to your weight loss goal? Or is it taking you farther away from your goal? All you have to do to have massive success with weight loss and in life is to have behavioral flexibility
-- notice what’s working and what’s not, and change your direction.
Why don’t most of us have behavioral flexibility? We become too stubborn, caught up in patterns of doing things the same way. In turn, the pain of not adapting to Chapter 3: Behavioural Changes To Forever Weight Loss http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
46
new situations gets into our nervous system, and becomes deeply embedded into our thought patterns. We become even more stuck, choosing the same behaviors over and over, and the cycle continues. We become unconscious, not even aware of what’s going on around us. If you’re like most people, you face several challenges that cause you to freeze rather than fluidly adapt.
Underlying behavioral issues
Every weight loss guru is wrong. For years, they have been telling you over and over that you have a weight problem, but you don’t. You have a behavioral problem. Most likely, you have not been provided with the right behavioral strategy -- one that works for you -- to produce lasting results. You may try one or two different behaviors and when those don’t work, you label yourself a failure. You say things like, “I just can’t succeed at weight loss.” You surrender and move on.
Now if you were able to identify the two most vital behaviors behind your inertia, you could create everlasting change. Identifying those can create a massive amount of change for anyone. Even the most deeply ingrained problems can be solved through finding and adjusting a few high-leverage behaviors. Find these trigger points and you will start to write your own ticket for success in all areas of your life.
One must be very careful not to confuse outcome with behaviors. Experts are often focused on the outcome, not on changing the underlying behavior. Although their advice may sound good, it gives you no clear direction as to what to do. They’re really saying, “You need to do something, but I’m not quite sure what you should do.” Be very careful with advice from experts. If they’re focusing only on the outcome, speak up and ask them to be more specific about the details on what you should do to get the results you want.
Think, Act, Love, Lose Weight
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
47
Confusing outcomes with behavior is no small issue. It can have a significant impact on your ability to create future success. Let’s take a closer look at the difference.
Reprogramming behavioral patterns
You first must change your behavioral patterns. And in order to do that, you must engage in deep self-analysis to identify all the triggers that encourage you to overeat, and then change them.
Many weight loss programs only skim the surface of behavioral change. My neighbor, Molly, for example, recently dropped by for tea and relationship advice – advice on her relationship with food, that is. She had just attended a seminar on weight loss, and had been told that in order to reach her ideal healthy weight she had to establish a good relationship with healthy foods. That’s it. That’s what she was directed to do. She was given advice from a weight loss expert who felt he was giving clear direction on how to change behavior. In truth, she was being told to do something to develop a healthy relationship with food, but not precisely what to do. She left the seminar more confused than when she arrived.
I see many programs designed around the outcome, or that only give half the information on how to change your behavior and leave out the other half: how to create lasting change.
When we decide to start changing our behavior, the first step is to become aware of our established behavior.
We want to focus on those patterns we do over and over again.
Have you ever been in the middle of looking for something and then all of a sudden you notice your brain has gone off in some other direction? Let’s say you are looking for weight loss information on the Internet. You’re fully fo-Chapter 3: Behavioural Changes To Forever Weight Loss http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
48
cused on finding it but then you click on your favorite news site, something you do at least three times a day. This thinking starts to become established behavior, and these patterns in your brain often keep you from succeeding at the things you want to achieve. You’re trying to achieve what you want – in this case, finding that new weight loss information -- but you keep doing the same things over and over, and expecting different results. That’s why I call it established behavior.
The key to developing positive life change is to break these habits that keep us from achieving the things we want so badly, and reprogram our patterns of behavior.
We’re not just going to change the old habits; we’re going to replace them with something new.
Think about overeating. This has become such an established behavior that the habit is ingrained in you. I know for myself, at one time I would run this pattern over and over. I had no idea that there were so many triggers inside me.
To create a new pattern, like living a healthy, vibrant life, you must first interrupt the old pattern. Let me give you a quick analogy. Every day you turn on the radio, and for years you have listened to the same host at the same time. It’s almost as if he is a part of your family. Then one day you turn on the radio at the usual time and you hear a different voice, and the dreaded news that your favorite host has been replaced. Your brain thinks, “Oh, my goodness, this can’t be happening. My days are never going to be the same.” This experience has interrupted your pattern.
So what we want to do is interrupt al the negative mental patterns that are holding you back from living a healthy life, the ones that say, “Exercise is hard. I can’t do it. I can’t stick with a program.”
Think, Act, Love, Lose Weight
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
49
Remember, if you failed in the past it was not you; you just did not have the right strategy. Let me stress one more time the importance of interrupting those patterns.
If you interrupt any pattern enough times, you will never go back to it. This process literally takes the brain and neurologically scrambles the way it thinks. What happens when you change the code for your alarm on your house? You scramble the sequence; it can’t go back to the old code.
Your brain works the same way. Once you scramble the sequence in your brain, you won’t go back to the old pattern. You will change the habits you have been stuck in.
To make pattern interrupts work, you must do things differently, and attach significant emotional intensity to the experience. If you follow these steps, you will never go back to that mindset again. So if I ask you to do something that’s completely outside the box, go for it. Believe me, this strategy will work. Our goal is to create new habits.
Come up with your own ways to create fun, outside-the-box pattern interrupts that work for you.
People often say to me, “I am ready to make a change, but when I do, it only lasts one day, a week, or a month at best.” You must create a follow-through attitude. You must be willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes.
I used to say to myself, “I’m not going to eat any desserts this week. For the next seven days, I’m going to eliminate having desserts at the end of each meal, and I’m going to start to lose weight once and for all. I’m going to take complete control of my life. This time I’m really going to do it. I have all the willpower in the world.” I was very clear on my outcome. But you know what would happen on the third day? I would start thinking, “One little bite of dessert isn’t going to hurt me. It’s just one bite.” I would take that one little bite, and day four would come along. Well, one little bite did not hurt me the last time. I stepped on the scale and hadn’t gained an ounce.
I can have one more little bite tonight. But this time one Chapter 3: Behavioural Changes To Forever Weight Loss http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
50
bite turned into half the dessert. It just tasted so good.
Half won’t hurt me; it’s not the full dessert. By day seven, I am eating the full dessert, plus everybody else’s.
Gaining control
So what does the word control mean? It means to have power over, or to direct something. It gives us tremendous ability to achieve results, but with less effort. We have to get control over ourselves to the extent that our brain recognizes that a dip in commitment is going to take away from all the success we want to create. Once we make a commitment, we need to be able to stick to it. We don’t need to choose instant gratification over long-term success.
We have to make the link that making this change is going to give us great feelings.
Think about how bad it feels to be overweight, and the prospect of continuing to live with those emotions if you don’t make a change. Now think about how good it feels to be thin. You must remember those good feelings in your body; how energetic, confident, vibrant, and healthy you feel. Now tell me, can any food compare to that wholesome feeling? I don’t think so. Why not think of those feelings before you eat crappy food? Feel them before you raise that fork up to your mouth with all that junk on it.
We’re going to start to train your body and mind to do this. How to get control, so that when you make a choice, you’re not making it based on how much food you’re going to eat, but on how good you will feel putting the right foods into you. You will feel full of energy and alive.
One of the biggest obstacles is that we “should” ourselves. We should lose weight, we should take action, we should exercise, we should control our emotions. We should, we should, we should. You get my drift. Quit “shoulding” yourself. Change those “shoulds” into choices. I choose Think, Act, Love, Lose Weight
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
51
to do this for my health. I choose to do this for my weight.
I choose to do this for myself. Make everything a choice instead of “shoulding” yourself every day.
Remember that the goal of this book is to make losing weight simple and easy for you. Most people drop out of programs because they’re too complex, they’re too overwhelming. If I made this book hard, very few people would follow through. I want you to be able to stop overeating once and for all, to get out there and really enjoy your life, be healthy and in shape, and have the body and mindset you so deserve.
If you have failed in the past, it does not mean you have failed. You just did not have the right tools to succeed.
Whatever has happened in your past is over and done with.
This is a new day, a new book, a new way of life. Now you’ll have the right tools to be effective once and for all, and to make change fun and pleasurable. I promise you success if you apply these strategies day in and day out.
It’s hard to overcome addictions. Whether it’s an addiction to drugs, food, alcohol, gambling, or smoking, one of the major reasons why it’s hard for people to take control is they just don’t want to admit that they are addicted. It does not mean you’re a bad person if you’re addicted to food or anything else. That’s just the behavior that you’re choosing at that time. That’s not really you. Any learned behavior can be unlearned with the right strategy.
So the first step is to be honest about where you’re having a problem. Stop rationalizing, minimizing and excusing, and admit that there is an area of your life you really need to work on. Start today, and set yourself free. Use the strategies and techniques in this book to help you take control of yourself and create the change you’re looking for, but first you must take full responsibility.
h
C a t
p e
:
3
r
a
r
u
o
i
v
a
h
e
B
l
s
s
o
L
t
h
g
i
e
W
r
e
v
e
r
o
F
o
T
s
e
g
n
a
h
C
http://www.free-ebooks.net/t/98
52
Identify a few vital behaviors
Once we become aware of the few vital behaviors we’re choosing that are taking us farther away from our goals, we can replace them. Many of us do not become successful or reach our health goals because we are consistently making the same choices. We might break the old habits for a while, then we go right back to the same behaviors that were holding us back. If you have been on diet after diet after diet, this is you.
There are so many ways to change your patterns –
reaching for unhealthy foods, for example – but you have to have something new to replace them with. Instead you could laugh, go exercise, drink water, listen to music, sing out loud, take a shower, or start a conversation. It has to be something you love doing, something that will keep you away from the food. Eating will only shift your focus away from your problems for a short period of time, and when the problems return, they will be that much worse. You have to create a new way of refocusing. If you add emotional intensity and fun to the new behavior, it will become linked into your nervous system. And if you keep repeating the new behavior on a consistent basis, it will become a lifelong habit.
This is by far the most critical step. If you do this step correctly, it can completely change your old, limiting behaviors for the rest of