A Trek to Zeke's Island by Mike Bozart - HTML preview

Back in mid-September of 1986, the late, ever-so-great Agent 107 (Frank von Peck) and I traversed the 4,800-foot-long, crumbling stone-and-concrete breakwater from Federal Point (just south of Fort Fisher, NC) to Zeke’s Island, an estuarine sand shoal near the mouth of the Cape Fear River.

The other day, lo, hi and behold, I found an old cassette tape (remember those?) in a drawer of an oaken chest that had captured the audio from our twenty-two-minute walk on that five-star day. What follows is a condensed version of the transcript.

Agent 33 (me): Well, do you think we have everything, Frank?

[the sound of a pickup truck door closing]

Agent 107 (Frank): Man, we’ve got enough food and drink for two days. When does high tide come in?

33: It’s been going out for the last two-and-a-half hours. We’ll be fine. The water level will still be going down, even when we come back.

107: You’d better be right. I don’t want to be stranded on that island overnight.

33: Afraid of Blackbeard’s ghost, are we?

107: No, I just have stuff to do.

[only the sound of seagull caws and splashing water for several minutes]

33: Watch your step in this breach. These rocks are slippery, especially the green mossy areas.

107: You just figured that out? Listen, I’ll be fine. We just need to worry about you.

33: Are you feeling anything yet?

107: Just feeling high adventure.

33: Wow! Those clouds down the river … they seem to be wavering ever so slightly, like on that day last year with Jimmy at Wrightsville Beach.

107: Oh, not already. We’ve just started this rock-hopper.

33: Rare coinage, dude. That’s definitely what we’re doing.

107: I wonder when this jetty was built.

33: It’s a breakwater, Frank. A jetty just juts and a breakwater breaks … the water.

[splash]

107: A jetty just juts? You’ve lost another marble, dude.

33: Oh, the year was 1873, Frank. They wanted to make New Inlet vanish, which they did, to keep a deep Cape Fear River channel for oceangoing and river-coming ships.

107: Hmmm … 1873. Hey, did you just pluck a year out of the air?

33: I’m not a magician in this kind of weather.

107: How do you know that it was built in 1873?

33: I placed the last stone with my bare hands. I was there with the Corps of Engineers. It was epic, Frank. Make that epik with a hard Germanic k. Ha-ha-ha.

107: Already getting silly, I see. Great. Just frigging great.

33: Ok, I’ll divulge my source. I saw 1873 mentioned in a pamphlet in the gift shop at the museum.

107: What museum?

33: The one next to the seafood restaurant with the cannon out front.

107: You’ve already lost your mind. That was not a restaurant; that was Fort Fisher, you flipping fool.

33: I was just testing you, Frank.

[more seagull caws and the sound of wind gusts for about ten seconds]

107: Test this, dude.

[the sound of coughing]

33: We’re already to the first bend, Frank. We’re making good time. We should be there by midnight.

107: Fawk you. I’m not going to be on this sinking pile of rocks after dark.

33: Why not? It would make the high tide more exciting.

107: Forget it. That’s a tragedy in the making if I ever heard one.

33: Ever think that it’s all a tragedy in the making?

107: You’re bringing me down, dude. You need to elevate your thoughts above the waterline.

[some more coughing with some wind gusts]

33: Do you think that you could swim across this lagoon?

107: Sure, if I had to. But, that’s not a lagoon; it’s an estuary basin. I thought you studied maritime geology in college? We’re you sleeping in on that day? Didn’t you study coastal features?

33: Uh, yeah … I guess I did. Hey, let’s swim it!

107: Nah, I’ll pass. But, you can go ahead and drown if you like. I’ll wave to you as you go under for the third time.

33: So much for high aqua-adventure. Hey, you’re right: Sometimes it does appear that this rocky trail is sinking, doesn’t it?

107: You need to get a grip. Don’t wig out until we’re on land.

33: I’m not wigging out; just having a laugh. Ha-ha. Ah-ha-ha.

107: Do you think we’re over halfway there yet?

33: Over halfway to where?

107: To Zeke’s Island! You know, the intended destination.

33: We’re close. There’s the turn for home. Relax. We’re going to make it. The crowd is cheering.

[several minutes of no talking; just the sounds of splashing water and wind gusts]

107: I’ll race you the last hundred feet. I’ll stay in the left lane; you stay in the right.

33: Excuse me, pal o’ mine, but I don’t see any lane markings.

107: Just stay on the right side of this linear rock pile.

33: I’ll forfeit the race for the sake of personal safety. You win. What do I owe you?

107: You owe me a gold coin.

33: Well, who knows, Frank, there may be some buried gold on Zeke’s Island. Did you pack a spade?

107: No, just a club.

33: Ha-ha. Now that’s genuinely hilarious. Good one, Frank. You clubbed that low-hanging fruit. You pierced the plump piñata. You made that cute girl smile.

107: What cute girl?

33: The one in that cheeseball dance club last night at Carolina Beach.

107: The short brunette?

33: Yes, her. That sexy rod-popper.

107: Was she looking at me?

33: All the freaking time, man. All the freaking night. You should have made a peck move on her, captain.

107: I don’t know; I think she was with the bartender.

[sounds of the wind howling]

33: Well, we made it to Zeke’s Island. It wasn’t that bad; now, was it, Captain Stacks?

107: No, it really wasn’t. But, at full high tide, it may be a different story.

33: It’s always a different story, Frank … until you find out that you’ve just retraced a deceased person’s pattern.

107: Man, lay off the morbidity. We’re still alive, dude.

33: You think so?

107: Oh, pleeeease. Come back to Earth, van Tryke.

[the sound of a helicopter passing overhead]

33: Oh, crap! They’ve found us. Put your hands up before the snipers take us out.

107: Stop freaking out, man. Put your hands down. You’re going to get them to land over here if you don’t stop. What’s wrong with you?

33: Ah, they’re on a training mission. Probably headed back to Camp Lejeune. They don’t have time for our nonsense.

[about two minutes of no one talking]

107: Does the other side of this island front the Atlantic Ocean?

33: No, there are a series of tidal creeks and marshy shoals between us and the deep blue sea. If you want to hang out on that deserted beach, you’ll have to get wet.

107: Hey, let’s do it! If the creeks are less than four feet deep, we can keep the dry stuff dry, by holding the knapsacks over our heads.

33: Wait, are you for real?

107: Yes!

[no more voices or sounds, just tape hissssssssss]