I'm walking up Haight St. when I see coming my way Cowboy Bob, a guy I met in the country last summer and who I turned onto drugs at that time. He was looking about the same too, like a straight young redneck. We greet each other with the standard "Hi ya, Bro. Howzit hangin’?" while doing the hippie-dippie handshake.
I ask him what's up?
He tells me he's got a place over on Clayton St. and is dealing grass and acid. He invites me over to check it out and burn one.
"Nice place you've got here Bob." I say as he twist one up, fires it up, takes a toke.
Passing it to me says, "Yeah, and it's good to be back, too."
I ask him where he's been and he says, "I don't rightly know."
I asked him what does he means, and he tells me this tale.
"Even though I didn’t know the date it all started on April 1st. I was sitting here, kicking back listening to some records when someone starts pounding on my door yelling, "Police! Open up!" which kind of scars me, so I think, 'Okay, what have I got here. Not too much, only a half ounce of grass and 100 hits of Clearlight. The pounding and yelling gets worse, "Open up! Sergeant Nelson SFPD Narco Squad! Open up or we'll break it in!"
"I grab the pot and the acid and head for the toilet. I flush the grass but instead of flushing the acid, I say, "Fuck it!" and swallow the whole hundred hits. I think that even if I do go to jail at least I will have a high old time. But when I open the door there stands Jack Sprat.”
“You know him?" he asks me.
I shake my head no.
He continues, "Well anyway, he says, "April Fools! I bet I had you going good."
"I am really pissed saying, "You fucking asshole, I just flushed a half ounce of pot!"
"He smiles and says, "Don't worry about it." then flips me a baggie."
"This calms me down as I check out the dope but then I remember the acid and say, "And I ate a hundred hit of Window Pane."
"He looks at me saying, "No shit? A hundred hits.”
"I tell him, "Yeah, no shit."
"He asks what am I planning to do about it and I tell him that I have no idea. "Maybe we should go down to the Free Clinic." he suggest.'
"This sounds good to me."
"When we get there there's a line so it takes almost an hour before we get to see the Doc and by then I'm starting to get some real good body rushes. The Doc asks what's the problem so I tell him."
"He asks how long ago and I tell him that too."
"Well" he says, "we can do one of two things."
"I ask him what they are, and he tells me, "We can send you to SF General’s mental ward where they'll give you Thorazine and keep you for at least three days, or you can just ride it out."
"I ask him what will happen to a person who ate one hundred hits."
"He says, "I don't know, but it probably won't kill you."
"Then he asks Jack if he can watch me until I come down.'
"Jack asks him how long that'll be and the Doc tells him, "Not more than a couple of days."
"Jack tells him no sweat so the Doc asks me if I want to go with Jack or to SF General. I pick Jack and we back to my flat we go."
"By now I rushing like hell and the last thing I remember is Jack promising to take real good care of me and for me not to worry."
"The next thing I see is: I am sitting is a tall tree somewhere in the woods and it's just getting either dark or light. I sit there until I see the sun is coming up then I climb down. There's a path so I follow it for awhile until it comes to a road. I check myself and see that I not in too bad of condition. My clothes are all right, not torn or too dirty and I have about a three days growth of beard. I hitch a ride and some hippie stops."
"I ask him just where I'm at but he just laughs saying, "Are you shitting me, man?"
"I tell no, and he says, "Look around you dude, you're in Yosemite!"
"I look, oh yeah, there’s E1 Capitan and Half Dome."
"When he asks where I've been I tell him about the hundred hits. He says, "Wow man, you ain't going to believe this shit, but it ain’t April first either. It's April 16th." Then he shows me yesterday’s newspaper."
"Man, I think, ‘I am going to kick Jack Sprats ass but good next time I see him.’ I'm still kind of spaced out so I hang with the dude and his people for a couple days then hitch back to the City."
"I looked Jack up and boy, and man, is he glad to see me. He says that I was totally out of it, tripping hard for two days and going real psychotic. Rolling around on the floor laughing while crying at the same time but then by the third day I seemed to come down and was coherent and normal like. I then told him that I was okay and didn’t need him any more. He told me I said I was feeling fine so he left. He said checked up on me later that day but I was gone so he didn't know what to do but wait. He said he thought I’d died I was gone for so long so he was real happy when I turned up."
"That happened over a month ago and I still get real spacey sometimes.”
I asked him if he'll ever take acid again.
He smiled and said, "Why not, it won't kill me."