Harry the Horse was a friend and associate of John D’s. During the racing season at Del Mar they played the ponies together. John D had been betting on the horses for the last couple years and had been making a good living at it. He had met Harry the year before and they had become good friends with Harry staying over at John's on nights that he was too tired to drive back to LA where he owned a house and had a wife. Harry was a few years older than us and was a second generation horse player and stupor. His parents had taught him all the tricks of the trade, which he had taught to John D.
Stuping involves using your feet to flip over betting tickets laying on the floor and seeing if any of them are winners. Harry and John both told Kelly and me that we'd be surprised at how many winning tickets are mistakenly thrown away. They said that on some days they make more money stuping that on their betting. Harry and John D. were friends because they both had the same betting philosophy: Always handicap the night before playing the odds, never play hunches or hot tips. Never lose more that half your seed money on any one day and don't watch the races with the crowds because it's too easy to get caught up in the frenzy. The object of betting on the horses was to make a good living without having to work. They considered $300 a good day and losing more than $50 a bad one.
Harry was called the Horse not because he played them but because he looked like one. He was big and chunky with a square face and a curly black mane of hair. Harry had met and married a horse trainer a couple years previously and as he told us, the honeymoon was now over. His main complaint was that now since his wife had quit following the horses and had gotten a regular job they didn't see that much of each other any more and when they did, his wife complained about his not being home instead of having sex with him. Harry said "Before we were married we lived in a little trailer at the track and had sex four or five times a night. Now when I am home I'm lucky to get it four times a week and man, that just ain't fair."
We all consoled him but told him that's just the way it is with marriage.
One morning before the races, Kelly and I were hanging out at John D’s and in walks Harry the Horse with a big smile on his face.
We ask him what's so funny and he tells us this twisted little tale: "Last night me and Sherry were having our usual argument. You know, me complainin’ about our lack of screwing and her wanting me to get a "real" jobs and be staying home when I see that I'm out of cigarettes. So I tell her I'm going down to the store to pick some up. I jump in the Caddy and cruise over to the 7-11. As I'm walking in there's this cute little chick standing by the door. When she sees me she says, "Hey, like to party?"
"Since I know that I ain't getting any from Sherry tonight, I think, 'why not' and ask her "How much?"
"She tells me, "$50 and I'll make all your dreams come true."
"I tell her that I don't have that much for a quickie so how much for just a blow job. She looks me over then says, "$20 and we can do it in the back of your car."
"I tell her okay and that we can do it as soon as I get some butts."
"When I come out she's still there so I tell her to come on. She gets in the car and tells me to pull around behind the store into the alley, which I do. She points to a dark spot and I pull into it. I slide over and she leans over, unbuckles, unzips and pulls my pants down the starts sucking. She was good too so I closed my eyes, leaned back and started enjoying it. All of a sudden I feel something hard pressed against my head. I open my eyes and look, and there's this hippie looking dude with a gun pointed at my face telling me to hand over my wallet or he's going to blow my head off. The girl straightens up and is smiling at me saying that I’d better do it too cuz he means it. Now I'm thinking that I should be scared but instead I am really pissed. I was just about to cum when this shithead interrupted me and there's no way that I am going to give him anything. So I grab the top of my pants and jump over the girl and out the passenger window, hit the ground, roll then come up running. Now there I am running down the ally with my pants all undone and my dick flopping around.”
“I get back to the 7-11 and leap behind the dumpster. I tuck in my cock and fix my pants then peek over the dumpster back toward the Caddy. I watch for a few minutes but don't see any movement. I walk real careful back to my car but don't see anyone around. I look in the back seat to make sure no one's hiding in there. I don't see anyone so I get in, start the car, roll up the windows and lock the doors. Everything seems okay so I check the glove and even my .38 is still there. I am still really mad, I mean the dude could of let the girl finish. Hell, I might have been so mellow I might of even gave him the wallet but he didn't, so I think that I should find the bastard and shoot the cock sucker for trying to rip me off, but then I think, 'what would I tell Sherry.’ Man, she'd really be pissed if she had to bail me out for capping some pimp, so instead I drive back home."
I ask him what he said to his wife.
Harry says, "When I walked in Sherry was reading a book. She looked up and asked me what took me, so long."
"I looked her in the eye and said, "There was a long line."
"She just said, "Oh" and went back to reading."
Kelly looked at Harry saying, "But Harry, what were you thinking about cheating on your wife like that. Don't you feel the least bit guilty?"
Harry looks at Kelly like she was crazy then says, "Guilty! What the hell for? It's all Sherry's fault that I got to go out looking for some strange anyway. I mean, if she was giving it to me at home regularly I wouldn’t have to get any on the side."
Harry looks at John D and me saying, "Am I right guys, or am I right?"
John D and me both have to agree.
Kelly just shakes her head, rolls her eye’s and says, "Men."