It’s Lindsey’s and my first year in the country. We made a break from the City because Lindsey knows this older rich dude who has some property up here that no one’s ever lived on. It’s 80 acre’s of walnut trees with a barn on it that’s been halfway converted into a house. It has a living room, kitchen and a bedroom with a small bathroom, the rest of the place still has a dirt floor and bare walls but it has a real nice unfinished loft that we like to sleep in. And best of all, it's free rent though we have kept our room at the Funny Company just in case we don’t like it here. It’s late June and we’ve been here for about 6 weeks and have been having a great time, both when we’re alone and when our friends from the City come to party and visit, like now.
Gyro and Pie Makin’ Marie are up here to do a little dope, kick back and enjoy the country life. Which mainly consists of hanging out and smoking grass inside or wandering around doing acid outside during the day. Then drinking beer and tequila at night until we’re all feeling fine enough to go to bed and screw our brains out. The only thing missing is the rock and roll since we have no electricity, but what the hey, it’s a small price to pay for lazing around in paradise. On our last town run for supplies I saw a poster for the County Faire that’s going on right now and since I had never attended one I told the other’s that we should go and check it out. They all agreed that it sounded like fun. We’d check out what the other country folk were up to, eat some garbage and get some cheap thrills riding the rides.
Next morning after breakfast, which of course included a doobie or three, we all get dressed up in our finest hippie garb. Pie Makin’ Marie has on her patchwork granny dress and little square granny glasses. On her feet are some really chunky boots and she has a garland of wild flowers in her hair. Gyro and I are in total tie-dye, with feather’s braided into our long hair and multi-colored painted finger nails. But it’s Lindsey who’s out done us all. She’s wearing nothing but a sheer white ultra short mini dress that when the light hits it right or she bends over, leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination especially since she’s wearing neither a bra or panties. On her feet are a pair of skinny sandals and other than a little make-up, that’s it. We’re all feeling fine so it’s off we go.
We have arrived. We pay the entrance fee and enter. The first thing we see is the exhibition hall so we figure we mise as well check it out. Inside is a bunch of mostly older really straight looking folks. First in line are all the granny’s with their quilts, pies and preserves. We try to chat with them up about what they’ve made but as soon as they see us, it seems they have more important things to discuss with each other. Oh well, let’s just move along.
Hey hey, what’s this? Why it’s the John Birch Societies kiosk, let’s see how conservative they really are. “Howdy boys. Howzit hangin’?” I say.
They take one look at me then send over their youngest member, “Can I help you?” he asks standing there in his tailored 3 piece dark blue suit with his ultra short hair cut.
“Yeah” I answer, “you guys believe in as little as possible government influence in people’s lives as possible. Is that right?”
He looks at me because he knows he being set up, but answers “That’s right. We believe in a minimal amount of government involvement in not only the lives of all private citizens, but also in the regulation of business, blah...blah...blah...” and launches into his John Birch rap.
“So” I break in “according to your philosophy, it’s okay with you and your organization for people to use all the drugs they want and to have all the sex with whomever they want. Right?”
He shuts up, looks at me, shakes his head then turn his back and walks back to his cohorts ignoring me while I’m shouting, “Right? Right?” Well, that was fun so what next...
Lindsey, Marie and Gyro say that they’ve had enough of this country hick shit so let’s get something to eat then ride the rides. Sounds good to me and we exit the hall. We eat our fill of corn dogs, coke and cotton candy then play a couple of the games and lose a little bit of cash to the Carney’s so now it’s time to have at the thrill rides. Since this is a small, poor and fairly unpopulated county, it has a very small fair and the rides reflect that. There’s a small Roller Coaster, a Carousel, a Tilt-A-Whirl, a Hammer and a Ferris Wheel with a couple kiddy rides thrown in, but it’s real crowded and there’s a line for each one. We buy our tickets and get in line. As we’re riding the rides I notice that there’s always a small crowd of teenaged boys watching us. But I just chalk it up to them probably never seeing genuine San Francisco hippies before. However, after we get off one ride and walk to the next ride, none of them come up and talk to us. Instead, they just look at the ground or snicker among themselves. Oh well, probably just shy.
After the Ferris Wheel we have quite a little crowd following us so I tell my friends that maybe we should leave the ride area and check out something a little less crowded. They say okay and we head over to the livestock exhibition. As we’re walking over I see that the boys are no longer with us but now there’s a couple of grown men in cowboy outfits that seem to be following us. We look at the cows, they look at the cows. We look at the horses, they look at the horses.
We look at the pigs and they’re right behind us. I’ve had enough of this shit so I go over to the dudes and say, “Okay guys, I notice you’re following us. So what’s the trip?”
The older one whip out a badge saying, “I’m the County Sheriff, and I’m following you because I am sick of you dirty hippies and your filthy ways coming here and perverting our young people.”
“What the hell are you talking about? We’ve never even talked to any of the kids here.” I ask.
He points to Lindsey and says, “Look at the way she’s dressed, it’s disgusting. Have you no shame, no morals! Why, you can see everything she has as plain as day. And the next time she bends over, I am goin’ ta arrest the lot of ya for indecent exposure and corrupting the public morals. Then throw the whole bunch of you in jail. How dare you come here and ruin our county fair with your obscene ways! Why, it’s just plain disgraceful.”
I say, “I thought this was a public event and...”
The Sheriff cuts me off with, “It is. For decent folks! Now, I’ve had just about enough of your crap. So either you all leave right now or I am takin’ ya in and you can spent the rest of the weekend in jail!” He stares at me with his arms crossed and his buddy backing him up.
Gyro says to me, “Fuck this shit man, let’s just split.”
The Sheriff turns to Gyro saying, “And watch yer vile mouth, boy or I’ll clean it out for ya. Now what’s it gonna be? You leavin’ or am I takin’ you in?”
I say, “Well, I think we’ve had enough fun for one day so I guess we’re goin’.”
“Wise choice. “ the Sheriff says, then, “Come on, I’ll walk ya out just to make sure ya don’t get lost. Get movin!”
When we get to the exit the Sheriff says, “I don’t really care what you hippies do off by yourselves in the woods, but if I ever see any of you in town doing the least little thing illegal, then you will be going straight ta jail. Consider yerselves warned. Now get the Hell outta here and don’t ever come back!”
We leave and our minds are totally blown, we can hardly believe what just happened to us. We discuss it on the way home while calming our nerves with a joint. Wow, what a trip! None of us has ever come up against this kind of hate for simply being who and what we are. Since we’ve lived in the City and haven’t left it for the last few years we’ve never experienced this kind of prejudice and discrimination before. Sorry to say, it wouldn’t be the last.