I met Claire at a party in San Francisco where she was complaining about her life. She was saying how much she hated her boyfriend, a workaholic who neglected her, her job, singing inane jingles and commercials for the radio, and her apartment which was out on the avenues where it was always cold and foggy. She was a nice looking girl in her mid 20's so I saw no reason for this lament and said to her, “If you hate it so much then why don't you change it? You're young and good looking with no kids, so why suffer?"
She looked at me like I was crazy or stupid or both, then said "That's easy to say."
I said "Easy to do."
She says, "Okay wise ass, how?"
It was Friday night so I tell her, "Well, I'm hitching up to my tipi in the morning where there's no one around for miles. Why don't you come along?"
She looked at me and said, "You have got to be kidding. I don't even know you."
I say, "So what. If you go and don't like it, will you be any worse off? This is a chance for change, or maybe you just like being miserable and complaining."
This challenged her and after a beat says, "Okay, you're on. What time do we go?"
I tell her that if we start hitching by 10 a.m. that we should be there by dusk.
She says, "Why don't we just take my car?"
I tell her that hitching is better, it's always an adventure.
She says okay, she'll meet me here at 10 a.m. tomorrow, then asks what she will need to bring.
I tell her, a sleeping bag and anything else she will need for a couple days.
She shows up at 9:30 and to tell the truth, I was surprised. I thought I would never see her again. I grab my pack and off we go.
A MUNI bus to Lombard St., stick out a thumb then a ride across the Golden Gate north on the 101. The rides were pretty good because we're at the tipi by 3:30 that afternoon. I show her around, where to get water, where to use the toilet, the inside of the tipi, where she can lay out her sleeping bag.
When she first saw it, she says, "God it's beautiful, I've never seen one before. How did you get it up here?"
I tell her all by hand and foot by myself.
She asks if it was hard work.
I just shrug.
We spent the rest of the afternoon just talking or wandering around admiring the beauty. I do an I Ching and Tarot for her, something else she has never experienced and she says it was right on. We smoke a doobie then I make supper over an open fire inside the tipi.
After dinner she tells me her life story. Rich kid, grew up in Laguna Beach, father's a doctor, since moving out has lived all up and down the west coast mostly going to college and can't seen to find anything that she really likes, smokes a little grass, drinks a little wine and that's about it. Her boyfriend's a drudge and her job is meaningless.
What can I say, it's her life and her choice.
It's time for bed so I ask her if she wants to sleep alone or together.
She smiles and says, "Do you mind if we sleep separately?"
I say either way is all right with me.
She looks at me then says, "Well then, let's sleep together."
We do and have a fine time discovering one another’s bodies.
After, I tell her that tomorrow morning we should leave by noon to get back to the City by dark.
She says, "If it's okay with you, can we spend another day here? It's not like my job is important and I am sure that Ned won't even notice that I'm not there."
I say, "Whatever you like." and we go to sleep.
We spend all day Sunday just relaxing and enjoying ourselves, both by ourselves and with each other then spend that night together too.
Monday morning it's raining and we get a late start. The rides aren't coming very fast so we only make it to the outskirts of Santa Rose by dark.
I tell her that we had better spend the night there. I pitch my tent on a tree covered hilltop and we go to bed.
Tuesday morning before we get out of our sleeping bags Claire asks me what my plans were for the coming winter.
I tell her that I‘m going to Hawaii, the Big Island. I've been to the islands a few times but not Hawaii and I hear that it's pretty bitchen. Lots of jungle to camp in where no one will bother you.
She's quiet for a moment, then says "Can I come with you?"
I ask, what about her life here.
She says, "Whether you let me go with you or not, they're history. You said that this is my chance for change. Well, I'm taking it, so can I go with you or not?"
I tell her that I am a poor guy but I’d be happy to have her if she can pay her own way.
She smiles saying, "Don't forget, Daddy's rich so money's no problem. When do we go?"
I tell her that the weather's still good here for another six weeks so how about after that.
She says that's good, it gives her enough time to take care of her affairs here and that she is immediately moving out of Ned's and into her brother's house. She gives me his address and phone number and says to visit her whenever I'm in the City and to keep in contact with her. That I do and six weeks later we are winging our way to Hilo.
We spend the next month camping in the jungles of Hawaii, hitching around the island, hiking the volcanoes and laying on the beaches, on the black sands of the Puna side, the green side of South Point and the white sands of Kona side. We get on food stamps and in every letter Claire gets a few bucks from Dad, enough to tie her over until the next letter. He doesn't like what she's doing but he loves her and supports her decision.
One morning we are camped in a meadow in the jungle. I always, when possible, face the tent door east to catch the first rays of the morning sun. Just as the sun comes up the tent fills up with a beautiful golden light and the AUM is the loudest I have ever heard.
Claire wakes up then asks, "What is that noise?"
I tell her that it's the angels singing.
She thinks that I am kidding and says, "No really?"
I tell her that it's the AUM. She asks why is it that she can hear it.
I tell her she can hear it anytime that she stops thinking and just listens.
She says, "Well, I'm thinking now and I can still hear it."
I say, "Look at the light, that's why."
She says, "You mean the color?"
I say, "Yes, but it's more than that. It's the texture and the feeling of it too."
She looks at it then says, "Well, it's making me horny."
I tell her that's because it is Life itself then I say, "Let's have sex for a long as possible with out moving. You just sit on my cock facing me and we'll meditate joined together listening to the AUM and staring at the Golden Light while feeling my cock deep inside you."
She thinks it sound interesting, gets me hard then slips me inside of her. She starts pumping but I stop her saying, "No movement, just concentrate on the feeling. On the head of my cock up inside of you."
We sit like that meditating for maybe 20 or 30 minutes then she starts getting little shivers up and down her body. I open my eyes and look at her. She looks back at me saying, "I can't believe it but I'm like having mini orgasms."
I tell her to keep concentrating.
After a while longer she says, "I can't stand this any longer." and gets up off of me.
I keep meditating thinking she is done. I am filled with the Golden Light and the AUM.
She kicks my leg and says, "Well come on."
I look and she's on her hands and knees with her ass towards me then she repeats, "Come on."
I mount her from behind and start stroking her slowly. With each stroke the Golden Light gets more intense, the AUM louder. I start dissolving into it and into her. Just before I do though, I open my eyes and look around. The Golden Light is every where and the AUM has merged with it. They are one and the same. I look at Claire but she is no longer there. Instead, attached to me is a giant cock, a cock as big as I am. I'm startled but I do not miss a stroke. What can I do except Love it. I hug it and squeeze it and stroke it and kiss it until it and I are totally dissolved into that Golden Light, The AUM. When I open my eyes again, Claire and I are laying together in my tent.
She's looking strangely at me, then she says, "That is the weirdest sex that I have ever had in my whole life."
I asked her if she liked it.
She says, "Yeah, it was real intense, but for awhile there I felt like I didn't really exist. Like I had left my body and was just part of the light."
I tell her that I felt the same way and that we really were part of the Golden Light.
Then she sits up and says, "Hey I don't hear it anymore. I hear just jungle sounds."
I hear the jungle sounds too but I also still hear the AUM underlying everything else. It is always there. Just listen harder Claire. Listen to THIS.