George hates gays, well, maybe "hates" is too strong a word. It's just that he cannot understand why they do what they do, and it's not that he can't be friends and party with them as individuals. The desert is full of gays, both male and female, and George is friends with most of them. It's just that he doesn't want to be around a lot of them at one time and he certainly doesn't want to see or hear about what they do together which, at best he thinks is really sick. He tolerates the males better that the females. He figures two guys being together just ups his odds with the ladies.
In fact, for a long time George thought that gay sex was a joke, that the guys were saying just to shock him and the girls were saying it just to piss him off. He told a lot of gay males that he'd bet that a couple of guys looking at each other could not even get a hard on. Indian Jonny, a gay friend of ours that we've known a long time, was tired of hearing George’s stupid gay guy rap and brought out some pictures of himself saying, "This is me George, gay, with a hard on."
George looked at the pictures and said, "How do I know that you weren’t looking at a Playboy when you took these?"
Jonny took the pic’s back and said that he'd prove to George that two men could have sex together. A week later he invited George to lunch at his house. After the meal he sat George down in front of the TV, turned on the VCR that he'd rented and slipped a gay hard core porno flick into it. Jonny said that George watched it for 30 or 40 minutes never saying a word then just got up and left without even saying thanks for lunch, which Jonny thought was rude.
George told me the next day, "I watched that movie for 10 minutes and here's these two young good looking guys sucking each other's cocks. When they started fucking each other in the ass, I just couldn't take it no more and left. Why would two guys do something like that to each other, Tai, when there's all that pussy out there to be had, why?"
What could I say except, "Different strokes George, for different folks."
He just could not understand and after that he never did rag on gay guys again about not being able to get it up, but if it was gay guys that drove him nuts, it was gay gals that drove him mad.
Nothing got George pissed as quickly as the presence of a single lesbian on the make. By God, they were stealing all of the women, women George had his eye on, women he wanted in bed with him, not with some pussy lickin’ carpet munchin’ lesbo. George considered lesbians to be a personal affront not only to him but to all males, except gay ones of course. So unless he was partying with the lezi's, he was at war with them.
Once there was a woman named Alex camped at the springs living in her pick up with a camper on back. She and George got along fine until she started taking single women into her camper. One of these girls she picked up was a babe named Nina who George had the hots for. After divorcing her husband she had moved back with her parents until she could figure out what to do next. She met Alex and decided to see for herself what all the hub-bub was about. She'd come out to the springs in the afternoon bringing Mandy her four-year-old daughter with her. While she was busy visiting Alex, she'd leave Mandy with anyone who was at the springs. Mandy was a quiet nice little girl so no one minded looking after her, no one except George that is.
One day only George, Kelly and I were at the springs sitting in the water enjoying the day when Nina drives up, asks if Alex is around, drops Mandy off with us, goes over to Alex's camper then goes in. George starts right in, "That Bitch! How dare she just leave her brat off with us like that while she's off getting her pussy eaten by that fucking lesbo!"
We tell him to cool it, he don't have to watch Mandy, we'll be glad to, but he's incensed and on a roll, "She didn't even ask if we'd watch Mandy, she just goes and has sex with that goddamned lezi in broad day light even!"
Sex in the day made George madder than sex at night. We tell him to let them have their fun, they ain't hurting anyone but George won't be placated.
He raves on for awhile while we play with Mandy and try to ignore him. Finally he seems to calm down then say sweetly, "Mandy honey, come here. I want to tell you something."
Mandy who likes George, goes over to hi.
He says, "Mandy, can you do something for George?"
Mandy says, "Yes George."
And he says, "When you get home today, go tell your grandma that your mom spent the afternoon getting her pussy eaten by a lesbo named Alex. Can you do that for me honey?"
Mandy says, "Yes George."
Kelly and I immediately say, "George, this is not a good idea. In fact, it is a very bad idea, do not pursue this. Mandy, forget what George just told you, he was only kidding."
But George is hot, “Bullshit! Her grandma has a right to know that she is dumping her kid out here so she can get her snatch sucked in there." and points to Alex's camper. Mandy is watching all of this.
We argue with George, telling him that not only is he being mean and petty but that he is dead wrong too. This is something that you do not tell George, he can be a lot of things but he can never be wrong. He's really pissed now and says, "Remember Mandy, your ma's getting her pussy eaten by another woman!" then stomps off.
We tell Mandy that George was only teasing and to forget about what he said about her mother. She says, "Okay." and goes back to playing in the water. Nina comes out of Alex's refreshed and asks how everything is. We figure that Mandy’s probably forgotten all about what George said and tell her everything’s fine, so she picks up Mandy and is off.
We go over to George's camper and it looks like he's packing up. "What's the matter George, expecting trouble?" we ask.
"Hell no!" he answers, "I'm just tidying up." George may be pig headed but he's not stupid.
About two hours later just at sunset, two cars come speeding up the road raising a hell of a lot of dust. They come to a stop right in front of George’s. Six very angry people, Nina, Nina's Mom and Dad, her sister and two other guys we don't know start yelling for George. George opens the door and stands in the doorway holding his lever action 30-30 in his arms asking what the hell they want.
They start yelling about how dare he say such things to Mandy and what a mean old son of a bitch he really is. Alex, who hears this, comes over and joins in. George just stands there with his rifle, not exactly pointing at them but not exactly pointing away from them either.
After they run out of steam, George starts yelling at them about how could they allow Nina to be coming out here leaving Mandy alone so Nina could get her pussy eaten. Pretty soon they're all yelling at each other with a lot of name calling and cursing at one another.
Finally George has had enough, he cocks his 30-30, tells them that he's had enough of their bullshit and to get before someone gets hurt. Now it's 7 against 1 but George has a gun and they don't, and everyone knows that you do not fuck with George, not unless you're ready to go all the way because George does not play around when things get serious. When he was a young man he spent time in prison for manslaughter for accidentally killing a guy with his bare hands in a bar fight. Plus, he was a grunt in Patton's front line army in WW II against Hitler's army where he was captured and spent time in a German prisoner of war camp. And he has put more than a few of his "friends" in the hospital. Kelly and I watch this drama to see how it will turn out.
The seven decide that it's over for now and tell George that they are going for the sheriff.
He tells them to go ahead because when they hear his side of the story not only will they be on his side but will probably take Mandy away Nina for being an unfit mother.
After a little more yelling and cussing they hop into their cars and roar back down the road.
George points the gun at Alex telling her that it's time for her to be leaving too, she just nods, walks back to her camper and starts packing up.
We go over to George and start harassing him about the foolishness of his action that day but he just puts his gun away and says, "Oh well, no one got hurt and the lesbo's leaving. Sounds like things turned out okay to me."
However, George is leaving too. He thinks that now would be a good time to check out the Dunes Warm Spring about 60 miles away which is not only hard to get to but is also hard to find so no one hardly ever goes there except for a few locals. He tells us that if there's no fallout from this little tet-de-tet to come and get him in a week or so.
After two weeks we've not seen Nina, who we never did see again, the cops or anyone else connected to the Mandy incident so we go tell George who promptly moves back to the hot springs.
George and the lesbians were always having run-ins like this. But George's mortal enemy, his arch rival and most hated foe was Dana, a.k.a. Psycho Dyke or Dyke On A Bike. One of the two most unpleasant beings I have ever had the misfortune to meet, the other was a chicken shit cowardly bully named Floyd who liked to beat up guys but only when they were extremely drunk and usually smaller than him. He didn't like bruising his hands either so he'd use rocks to hit them. Dana, though, was a true psychopath.
The first time we ever saw her, Kelly and I were in the springs by ourselves when she comes riding up on her bicycle with her pack of dogs following along. She parks her bike in the shade and tells her dogs to stay. Then strips and get into the pool with us. We exchange names and chat a bit, she seems pleasant enough, but then we hear a dirt bike coming towards the pools and she starts in about how these assholes are ruining her desert and spoiling her peace.
Kelly and I just look at each other, we've heard this rant before. Lots of people think that just because they're camped somewhere they own it and have a right to say what goes on, and as far as I know she's never even been here before so we just ignore her.
The guy on the dirt bike pulls up to check out the action and when he does, one of Dana's dogs runs up to him and bites him on the leg. When Dana sees this she's out of the pool in a flash. To yell at the dog? To apologies to the guy? No! She screaming at the guy about how dare he come between her and her dogs. And that he's lucky that she don't sic the whole pack on him which she just might do if he gives her any shit. And that he shouldn't even be riding that goddamn noisy machine in her desert anyway!
The guy is stunned. Not only is he dog bit but here's this naked enraged bitch right in his face. He twists the throttle and is out of there. Dana's still hollering about him invading her space. Kelly and I decide that we've had enough of the hot water and her crazy shit and leave, knowing this is someone to avoid.
The next time we meet her is even worse. Kelly, George and I are sitting in the hot pool for sunrise service, a joint and a soak at sun up when Dana pulls in. She’s in a pick up with a camper. She walks over to the passenger door, opens it and helps a girl out who is limping badly. As they get close we can see that the girl is young, 20 at the most and that she has a black eye and a split lip. Dana gently helps her into the hot pool then gets in herself. Dana starts talking low to the girl saying how sorry she is that she lost her temper. But that she (the girl) shouldn't have made her (Dana) so mad. Especially after she (Dana) had hit her (the girl) the first time. So that it's kind of her (the girls) own fault that she (Dana) beat her (the girl) so bad. The girl ain't talking and we're out of there knowing that this is someone (Dana) to stay away from at all cost. She was no longer in our universe and we refuse to ever acknowledge her existence again. The next time she tried to speak to us, we just turned our backs and ignored her, which is how I treat anyone who ever perpetrates a violent act against another human being.
Dana was always fighting with somebody. She wasn't that big either, just an average size woman about 35 years old but she was mean as a junkyard dog. In fact, one of the best most vicious fistfights I ever saw was when Dana and another dyke got into it over a German girl that they both wanted. They duked it out for a good five minutes before Dana got the other dyke down and then pounded her face into a bloody pulp while we all watched. Dana left the dyke bleeding in the dirt then went and claimed her prize.
They went off together hand in hand, true love, but George was her favorite enemy. Where ever George parked she would park a hundred yards away just to spite him. If he parked at the springs so did she. If he moved away to the tree line, a mile away so did she. They were always fighting and arguing with each other over something or other. It went on for years but then it all came to a head when one of Dana's dogs wandered into George's camp. Now George had a big mean looking pit bull who was one of the best people dogs I've ever known. Bull (what else?) loved people but he hated all other dogs with a passion, except for females in heat of course. Any male dog that came near his camp he tore a new asshole. George got into a lot of trouble over this.
Folks would bring their tore up dogs over and tell George that he'd have to pay the vet bill. George told them to fuck off and if they didn't want their dog tore up then to keep them out of his camp or on a leash. So when one of Dana's dogs comes wandering into Bull's territory, he leaves in real bad shape. He crawls home to Dana all tore up and Dana knows exactly what’s happened. She grabs her .22 and runs screaming over to George's. George who saw Bull at work and even congratulated him on it, knows why she's coming. He sees she's armed and grabs his 30-30. He meets her at his door.
She tells him that he is paying her vet bill.
He tells her that next time there won't be no vet bill. Because if he ever sees one of her dogs in his camp again he'll save Bull the trouble and shoot the son of a bitch himself then drag the carcass off to where the coyotes and vultures can get at it! And anyway, Fuck Off! And Get The Hell Out Of His Camp!
Tempers flair and shots are exchanged. George tells us that she shot first, because if he had gotten the first round off, Dana would be dead since he always hit what he was aiming at. But when she fired first, he ducked firing back from the hip missing her. Dana wisely hotfoots it out of there but then she stupidly goes for the cops.
When she tells the cops the story they tell her that she's lucky that she's not hurt or worse. What the hell was she doing in George's camp threatening him with a gun anyway. And actually firing a shot at him over a dog fight? They can hardly believe that anyone's that stupid. They confiscate all her guns and tell her to move the hell away from George.
The cops come out to George's to get his version. They tell him to avoid her. But George is still hot and tells the cops that if she ever comes around him with a gun again that he won't miss next time. He'll drill that Bitch right between her eyes and then for good measure, kill all of her dogs too.
The cops ask George for his guns to hold for 30 days as a cooling off period. He gives them his 30-30 and his 22 but keeps his 38 S&W revolver just in case. Dana must have learned her lesson that time because after that she always stayed well away from George and his camp, and even kept her dogs away from Bull.
George either fought or partied with the lesbians up until the day he died. And it’s funny too because the lesbians did get the last laugh on George even though it was unintended. The last sex that George ever had in his life was with two lesbian's in a sandstorm in his Airstream. But that's another story.