“Hey Tai, listen to this.” It’s only noon but Gyro has come into my room in the house on 25th St. and has woken me up. He has a transistor radio in his hand and he’s telling me about a free record promo. “Yeah” he continues, “all ya gotta do is run naked through any Tower Records store and they give ya the album of your choice for free. Cool, huh?”
This does sound pretty good to me but I remind Gyro that none of us owns a car, and riding around on the MUNI naked even here in San Francisco is still frowned upon.
Gyro says, “No sweat, man. I’ve already called Nasty Ned. He says he’ll be happy to drive us around just for the fun of it. In fact, he’s on his way over here right now. There’s three Tower Records stores in the City and I figure we can hit all three of them. I’ve asked the other’s here who wants to go, and Pat and Pie Makin’ Marie say they will, so with you that’s four of us which means 12 free albums.”
I tell Gyro I’m up for it. We adjourn to the living room where Pat and Marie are waiting for us. We all smoke a couple hooters while waiting for Ned and his car to show up, and also, to get in the mood for the streak
Nasty Ned arrives and after another joint or three, we are ready to roll. Since it’s summer we are all dress minimally. The girls each only have on a short shift, while Gyro and I are wearing cut-offs and nothing else. We all pile into Ned’s car, an old Ford station wagon, and head towards the nearest Tower Records store. Ned pulls right up in front of the store while we whip off our clothes. Ned tells us he’ll stay in the car with the motor running, just in case. We tell him, cool. The four of us exit the vehicle stark nekked and make a mad dash across the sidewalk and into the store.
As soon as we enter the girl behind the counter freaks right out asking us what the hell do we think we’re doing in there with no clothes on. Gyro saunters up to her, leans on the counter, looks into her eyes and asks her, “Haven’t you heard of the “get a free album if you streak the store’ promotion. After all, it’s been on KSAN all morning.”
She tells him she knows nothing about it and that he’d better not be bullshitting her or she’s calling the cops. Gyro tells her to call KSAN to get the skinny. She does.
KSAN tells her they’ve have been broadcasting the promotion and that she should call the main Tower Records store to get the details. She does.
She is told they are running a streaker’s promo and that if we’re naked to give us a free album. She hangs up and tells us with a very distasteful look to pick an album but to hurry up then get out.
All this time the girls and me have been perusing the record racks and by the time the trip is straightened out, we are ready to go, but, of course, Gyro has been standing right in front of her talking to her. He’s even trying to pick her up even though it’s obvious that she wants nothing to do with a nudie. She tells Gryo to go and pick out a record then leave. However, Gyro is in no hurry so we all stand around while Gyro picks through the stacks. The whole time we’re in there other clothed folks enter the store. Some leave as soon as they see the girls and me standing there nude. Others want to know the trip. I tell them, then they leave. No one else will take off their clothes for a free album.
Finally Gyro’s found one. The sales girl asks to see it so she can write it down as she has ours. Gyro shows her the album. The sales girl tells him that he chosen a double album and he can only get a single for free. Gyro starts arguing with her. He says there was nothing said on the radio about which album he could choose. The sales girl tells him to pick a single or get out, or she is calling the cops. This cools Gyro’s jets, he returns the album to the stacks then starts looking for another one, and he’s taking his time. After a few minutes the sales girl, the girls and me all start ragging on Gyro to hurry the fuck up! We’ve already been here long enough and anyway, we have two more stores to visit. Gyro finally makes his selection and shows it to the girl. She says okay and we split running naked back to Ned’s car. Ned too wants to know what took us so long and as we toke up a joint, I tell him the story.
At the next store again Ned pulls up right in front and we pile out. We enter and there’s a few clothed customers with two dudes working behind the counter. They know the trip. They tell us just to hurry because the cops have now heard about the promotion and are cruising the store looking for naked perverts who they can arrest for indecent exposure and haul off to the can. They tell us if we get caught then that free album is going to cost us a lot in both money and hassle. This time we all hurry, including Gyro, because none of us wants to spend time in jail and be labeled an official sexual deviant for just a lousy free record. We show the dudes our choices and are out of there making a clean get away.
At the last store there’s a cop car sitting at the curb. The girls want to just blow it off but Gyro and me want that free record so we tell the girls to quit being such pussies. Are they in for the whole deal or not? We circle the block and park waiting until the cops leave. We figure that we can be in and out before they come back. Ned parks right in front of the store again with the motor running. We haul our naked asses out of the car and into the store. As soon as we enter the guy behind the counter tells us to get out! That the promotion is over and we ain’t getting no free album. We are incensed. We tell the guy that we want our free record or we ain’t leaving.
He tells us that the cops will be back shortly and if we’re still here then we will be arrested and taken away in hand cuffs, so unless we want to spent a nude night in the county lock up, to get out. The store is fairly crowded with about a dozen clothed people standing around watching the show. We decide to leave but just for fun we loudly cuss Tower Records and the store manager while making lots of explicitly obscene gestures at him as we exit the scene. We run across the side walk and jump into Ned’s car telling him to get the hell out of there.
Still nude we ride back to 25th St. On the way back we check out the booty. Not too bad, eight free albums and an afternoon of exciting entertainment, blowing a few minds even. As we enter the commune our friends who were to chicken to join us want to know how it went. We tell them all about it in glowing detail. We all want to hear the new albums but before putting on any of the new tunes I turn on the radio. KSAN was telling everyone that the “streak for a free album” promo is over and not to come to Tower Records naked because the cops would be waiting for you. The DJ was even apologizing to the City for running the promotion saying how they and Tower Records thought it would be funny, but instead it was all turning out badly. We all had a laugh as Pat put one of the new records on the stereo. We lit a doobie and with the four of us still naked, kicked back grooving on the sounds. All in all, quite fun day.