YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY!
At the hot springs Lauren, a dedicated head, tells everyone that she is out of pot, something she dose not like one little bit. Does anyone know anywhere any of us can score some? It’s the dry season so we all just shake our heads and tell her if she can find anything decent we’ll be happy to buy some from her. However, Mike, one of the regulars, tells her he knows someone in Yuma with kilo’s for $500. But Mike is kind of flaky so most of us don’t have a lot of faith in his ability to score anything good. None the less, since Lauren is desperate and has the cash, she says that sounds good to her.
She and Mike make plans then leave for Yuma the very next morning in Lauren’s car. None of us see either of them for about a month. Then one day Lauren shows up with this story:
“When we got to Yuma we drove straight to Mike’s connection but he was completely out of grass and didn’t know anywhere else we could score some. Plus, since it was dry, he didn’t even know when he would receive his next shipment so there was no use of us hanging out and waiting. Mike and me talked it over. I told him I certainly didn’t want to go back to the hot pools empty handed. So Mike says that if they go over to the City Park and hang out we just might meet a dealer there. (A accurate but very dangerous assumption, since this is Yuma, Arizona, a city right on the border of Mexico.) Within a short time we meet a guy who says he can get me a kilo for $600. I look the dude over. He looks like a head so after thinking about it I say okay. The dude asks to see the cash. I dig it out of my pocket and show it to the guy."
"As soon as I do the asshole whips out a badge and a gun screaming, “Hold it right there! You’re both under arrest.”
"I take one look at the cop, get really pissed off then yell, “The hell with this shit!” and take off running down the street.”
Here Lauren laughs then continues, “While I’m was running I’m thinking, ‘Fuck these cocksuckers if they think they can take me without a fight!’ So I get an idea. As I’m running I also start stripping off my clothes, dropping them right in the street until I am stark naked. (Lauren has numerous tattoos all over her body, one of them is of Pegasus, which covers her whole back.) I think, “let’s see how these pigs deal with a naked chick.’"
"The cop, after hand cuffing Mike to a bench starts chasing me. Since taking off all my clothes slowed me down quite a bit it don’t take him long to catch me. When he does I start yelling, “You motherfucker! You can Kill Me but you cannot Stop Me from Smoking Pot!"”
He don’t know what to do. He’s holding me by my arms and telling me to put my clothes back on."
"But I scream, “Help! Rape! Someone help me!”
Some other people come over. As soon as he sees them he shows them his badge then tells them that I am under arrest. And for them to call 911 and tell them that an officer is in need of assistance."
"I start yelling at him, “Fuck off Pig! Kill me! Put in prison! Do what you want. But I ain’t goin’ to stop smoking weed!”
"He tries to reason with me but I just cuss him."
"He drags me back to where Mike is, then he cuffs me to Mike. Mike is just sitting there bawling like a baby. The cop leaves us and goes and picks up my clothes. He comes back and asks me to put them back on. I just glare at him and cuss him some more."
"He then asks Mike why he’s crying like a baby."
"Mike tells him that he’s never been arrested before."
"The pig tells Mike to stop blubbering. Why, it’s no big deal. We’re just going to jail, that’s all. This statement just makes Mike cry harder and me cuss him louder.”
“By the time back up comes we have quite an audience. I can laugh now because we were a real sight. A hippie looking dude standing over a grown man crying like a baby and a pissed off naked screaming woman. The cops discuss what to do with us. They try to calm us down and to get me to put my clothes back on, but it just makes me madder and Mike cry louder. They decide they want no part of this action so they put us in the back of separate cop cars then instead of jail, they take both of us to the nut house."
"When we get there they just lead Mike away because he’s not crying so hard since he found out he ain’t going to jail. But they try to reason with me to at least put my clothes back on."
"I tell them, “Fuck Off and Die You Pigfuckers! You can Kill Me! You can Lock Me Up! But, Fuck You, if you think you can Stop Me from getting High! I ain’t puttin’ on no clothes or cooperating with you in any way. Go ahead and do your worse.”
"And now I’m so mad I start crying. They gently get me out of the cruiser and lead me into the loony bin where they have me sit down. There they give me a shot of liquid Valium, which calms me right down. They ask if now I will put on a hospital gown."
"I refuse and again tell them I won’t cooperate with them. They can either kill me, lock me up or free me. They give me my very own room. The first few days I won’t even eat their food. But then they tell me that if I don’t start eating then they will be forced to force feed me. The next 3 weeks are pleasant enough. Since I’m naked everyone pretty much leaves me alone, except for once a day when I have to see the shrink. Hell, they even keep me high on the liquid Valium so I won’t harm myself since I told the shrink that I'd rather be dead than stop smoking pot.”
“One day they come into my room and tell me that if I put my clothes on then I’m free to go. I ask about the charges against me?"
"They tell me there are none. The DA decided not to prosecute."
"I ask about my cash?"
"They say that I can put a claim in for it with the county."
"I ask about my car?
"They tell me it’s in impound and I’ll have to pay to get it out."
"I ask about Mike?"
"They tell me that Mike will be let loose in a couple days with no charges against him either."
"I tell them, “Fine. You can bring me my clothes.”
"They do and after one more visit with the shrink, with him telling me I need to seek out professional help, I sign some papers and am now a free woman. I hitched back and here I am.”
I ask her if she’s going to get her car back and is she putting in a claim in for her money.
She says, “Naw. Their both gone. I’ll just chalk it up to experience. The ride ain’t worth the impound fees, and for the bread I’d have to go down to Yuma to hassle over. And anyway, I’m sure they’ll never give it back to me.”
Mitch shows up a few days later with his story. They had put him in the observation ward for 30 days then had cut him loose with no charges filed against him.
I tell them how lucky they are. What were they thinking trying to buy a kilo off the street?
But Lauren and Mike just shrug. And even though Lauren still has no grass and is still pissed about being ripped off by the cops for the $600, both she and Mike have plenty of pills from the nut house to get high on.