I’ve spent
the last few days desperately trying to get my feelings sorted out.
Among them have been feelings such as happiness, joy, longing and
closeness. I have yet to feel something that defies description,
though. I have yet to feel that grossly illogical emotion that begins
with an L.
Unless I already felt it at some point but completely overlooked it. Then again, even if I hadn’t overlooked it, it may have been a mere false impression. (Apparently I really like to use that phrase lately.)
In any case, the feelings I am sure I’ve felt cover a wide range, some of them polar opposites of each other. I’ve felt joy with her - and so, I’ve felt sadness without her. I’ve missed seeing her beautiful face - and so, I’ve felt relief when I’ve seen it.
As much as I hate speculating, I feel as though she’s felt at least partly the same way. Something tells me my feelings are certainly not one-sided.
Man, writing off of emotions is harder than I thought. I try to make sense of my feelings, but my thoughts keep insisting on getting in the way. It frustrates me.
At least my feelings and thoughts aren’t overlapping yet, and hopefully they don’t do so at any point. If I let that happen, making sense of either is going to be impossible. My inner world is chaotic enough as it is, having to sort out a tangled lump of emotions.
Preventing my thoughts from interfering with my emotions will surely take some effort, but I hope I manage.