I went to
celebrate my godson’s 3rd birthday today. I love that kid. He
reminds me of myself when I was a child - clever, full of joy, never
staying still. Following his development over the next 15 years will
be interesting.
That, however, is beside the point of today’s rambling. You see, some unpleasant developments have occurred in regards to my situation with the girl I had a crush on. She hasn’t talked to me in a few days. And she didn’t even give me a forewarning. So I’m left to speculate as to why, which I hate.
What I hate even more than speculating, though, is being left in the dark about things, especially in this case. With no explanation from her, I’m left to guess as to her reasons for suddenly cutting contact.
The most likely scenario I’m imagining is that she feels the need to distance herself from me until she feels herself again. She’s probably as wrecked from the aftermath as I was. I hope - I pray - that that scenario is the real one, or at least the closest one to reality.
If I’m entirely honest, this aftermath almost hurts more than the heartbreak itself. Not only do all of the potential scenarios hurt my brain immensely, but the fact that this happened in the first place hurts my heart.
Am I even helping myself by writing these anymore? Or have these turned into a means of making the hurt even worse?