For some reason,
I don’t think too positively of my chances of finding “The
One”. I know I’ve said I hate that phrase, but I use it
here purely for the sake of context. In any case, I really don’t
think positively of my chances of getting in a relationship.
Whenever I think or say the sentence “if I ever get in a relationship”, I always - no exaggeration, always - mentally add “by some miracle”. It’s even entirely conscious. I never stop myself from following up with that thought. And that’s yet another form of self-deprecation I’ve practiced for way too long.
I don’t specifically pursue a relationship, though. I enjoy single life, and I prefer to keep enjoying it without the pressure of trying to find a significant other.
In fact, one of the more specific reasons I don’t actively look for a relationship is because the implications of it scare me. The time and energy I’m expected to invest into it. The social pressure I’m expected to be able to deal with. The love I’m expected to be able to show and give.
I feel as though I might slowly be becoming afraid of falling in love. Or maybe not so much afraid of falling in love as afraid of commitment. At any rate, despite how much I may be startled by the near-impossible expectations a relationship sets on me, I’m determined to prove myself wrong.
A miracle shouldn’t be needed in order to find love.