When it comes to
self-acceptance, I can’t say I’ve quite mastered it yet.
For the most part, I do love myself for who I am, but there are
instances where I curse myself to the deepest pits of Hell.
I especially have a tendency to drown into self-loathing if I go somewhere with the sole intent of socializing and end up not socializing at all. That’s been an especially recurring theme over the past month or so. I’ve been going to events with my student colleagues, and most of the time, I’ve failed to practice social interaction to the least extent.
I’ve managed to socialize in a few instances, though. But that hasn’t usually happened more than once in a night. At the very least, it has happened, even if it was only once. Surprisingly enough, I even socialized with a freshman last time.
Last time, though, I also made the conscious decision to not try to socialize. And yet, by some unlikely turn of events, I did socialize after all.
Maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t force myself to socialize. Maybe if I simply said “fuck it” instead, I’d have a higher success rate.
Is it possible that I’m putting too much pressure on myself in regards to this?