Many of Americans are divorcing one another mostly because people have forgotten how to communicate with one another, extra martial affairs, finances, and or a change in priorities. When you make a decision now it might affect your child and the person you once loved for the rest of their existence. You are not just making decisions anymore for yourself when you are married but for others. We need to really digest this as a society because too many people are not considering this at all. Some people can do this well and communicate well others get frustrated and are not willing to work at things. I myself have been married for 13 years and like others have had my up and downs but my children’s welfare has always been my number 1 priority. It has to be that way because they are the future of this country with other peoples kids and their mental state and emotional well being must be considered.
We cannot continue to be a selfish nation and a complicated continent and be a strong country. When a divorce occurs, generally two people or more have lost out and with that comes depression and sadness that hurts the family dynamic and people’s effectiveness to society. Also because many kids get raised in two different households, they can grow up angry and uncomfortable with their surroundings and then if parents become combative, they will lose. When two parents long after a divorce still argue about money and the custody of the children, the fact is kids really feel it. Many parents do not mean to hurt their children but their anger has just gotten the best of them. We all know people like this because it is some common today. Later in life, and this is not true of all but many children with follow suit and also divorce because they feel if their parents did it is not an issue for them to.
The media today in some ways plays some kind of role in the way Americans view divorce as just a part of today. You to a grocery store and you see all these magazines that have headlines about the latest star or public figure that has gone through a divorce. Turn on the Nightly Entertainment shows on the stars and many thrive on talking about the latest divorce and how the person is now a eligible bachelor or bachelorette on the market. Our country is in no way immune to divorce because many of our sitcoms even laugh at divorce and magazines and our most popular newspapers talk endlessly about the latest divorce in our society.
Many movie starts get married and sports figures today end up getting divorced in two to three years and it is not looked at as being any issue. They are way too busy in their demanding lives to give to another person but marry and bring kids into the scene which makes no sense. But because money and popularity is so revered in the United States this is put way before being a good spouse and loving someone else. Then the kids get to not see their busy parents that much and come from a broken family now. Some of these people in this circumstance get married because society says to be a good person they have to have a family. But in reality many of them are not the right people to marry because they have enough time for themselves and nobody else. Some of these people should be postponing marriage until a time when they are mature enough to handle being married and rearing children. A good marriage is only going to work when both spouses are together a lot and are there to nurture one another.
I think in America we have turned a blind eye to being disciplined and working hard for the love of another. We are at a time now where we need to look at our own selves and make changes in our own lives instead of looking to blame others for our deficiencies. I respected the discipline of my father and mother growing up. If I got out of line, which I did, I would be smacked across the mouth or took a wooden spoon on my rump. As I would sit in my room while being disciplined I would think of what I did and make changes accordingly. Our mentality with some kids today is that if a parent lay a hand on us they will scream abuse or may call social services on their parents. Kids need to realize that in no way do they make the rules and if their parents are teaching them of what is right and wrong, they need to pipe down and learn. We have lost that part of our society and then wonder why many kids as they age will take the easy route in life.
In no way do I look back on my Mom and Dad as harming me but that they wanted me to understand what it was that I did wrong. If they did not do that to me how would I ever hold myself accountable for what I was doing right and wrong. As I have aged then I have a great family and when the kids do get out of line they know what they have done. I am their friend but I am also the general of discipline in our house when I need to be. Today to many people take the easy way out in parenting and then wonder why their children go the wrong way in life. I am in by no means a perfect parent and in reality nobody is but we must be more disciplined with them and with ourselves in our lifetime.
Parents need to take children’s needs and futures in many ways before their own when the situation calls for it. Children of divorced parents studies show develop slower socially and their grades in school on average are about 20% less. Many of these kids cannot just go to school and worry about their school work but can be more worried about their lives at home. The United States is dead last in the amount of children that grow up with both of their biological parents. We are overall a wealthy and free nation and if you really think about that it is quite sad. Once again this is not a stat I am proud to speak of but one that brings out what is truly hurting the makeup and stability of our nation. The divorce is not the thing that really hurts the children and the spouses but it is what a parent does before, while, and after the divorce that hurts them.
Children can have a lot of anxiety because they are not sure what the future will bring for them. An intact house brings a lot more stability for the members of the household and allows them to worry more about growing up. This very much affects their upbringing and it can bring much hardship to kid’s lives. The kids get put in the middle of their parents sometimes when there is conflict on who they should side with. Constant conflict in a child’s life will never benefit the child and parents must keep that in mind. If parents have many arguments it indirectly can teach children that arguing is a better way to settle conflicts over proper communication.
Martial conflicts can affect children’s behavior and this can be a spill-over from the seperation or divorce. The children can act up because they are anxious about life or looking for some attention. Studies do show that parents can see a 50% change of behavioral issues with their child the day after they have had their own conflict with a spouse or significant other. The fact is that kids can learn many behaviors from the parents who are their mentors and role models. We as adults need to be a great example for the youths of America to better discuss differences and show others love.
I myself came from a separated family and always had a nice home and caring parents but there were some struggles in my own family dynamics. I have a twin brother who decided at one time to live with my father and his new family while I remained with my sister and my mother a state over. That meant that we did not attend the same schools or attend high school together and we both lost out from that. I do not let that bother me today because you learn in life to move on. After all no family will win in a divided family because divorces usually carry a lot of pain with them and nobody will win. It can be hard because children sometimes have to hear one parent talk bad about the other and it messes with their heads. The kids are put in the middle and lose out. In situations of an extra martial affair some marriages end overnight and many do not have time to even digest what is going on. That can be very traumatic for kids.
When someone else enters the marriage not only are one of the parents left in shock but they can become depressed and feel a shock also to their ego. The children see two people they love dearly arguing and fighting and do not always know who is telling them the truth of what is going on. This is happening daily in this country and it will continue to affect us in the future if we do not look at marriage with more reverence and repentance. It is sad when one of the spouses feel that the marriage is going well and then is completely blindsided that their life is going to change quickly. This can be such an emotional time for parting parents and their anger can come and hurt younger developing minds. Parents in a divorce situation must manage their conflict better and if two people still love one another work harder than we have to mend their differences. Hopefully this message will enable some to make some changes to their lives for the betterment of themselves and their country.