Preface:
We all live in very complex and fast changing milieus, where the first casualty is poise and equanimity of consciousness. The drift takes its toll on cognitive realism. Both men and women are coping hard with milieus outside; in professions especially. For both men and women, troubles may be varied in degrees of intensity but troubles have the same origin. Both men and women struggle in milieus outside but when they come home, they surely need to have a heaven, where both men and women should feel rejuvenated, so that every morning they move out, recovering their poise back. Home is where we have all things, which we lose outside. Home is where we have all things, we do not find or cannot attain outside.
However, most home milieus have troubles. Our contemporary homes are surely missing what they should ideally have. In such un-replenishing home milieus, the man thinks, most troubles are because of the woman and woman thinks the man is creating them all. The reality is, most women fail to understand their men with a standpoint, which the men have and hold dear. Men do the same. They don’t care to see and accept the women’s worldview and perspective. Once the home milieu loses poise, even small issues blow out of proportion.
It is never that everything in a marriage or intimate relationship is wrong and troubled because either man or woman created them. Both have their fair share in most troubles around. This needs to be seen and accepted as the basics of mutual wellness in marriages. Man or woman must never treat one’s own wellness as separate from the wellness of his or her partner. Individual wellness must never be considered as competing domains.
Men and women need to see and accept the basic reality that for a man and woman in intimacy and mutuality, wellness is a collective and singular domain – an Inclusive Entity. The individual domains of wellness of husband and wife are so inter-linked, inter-dependent that segregated solutions don’t work. Rather, they are calamitous for the very sustenance of mutuality and intimacy.
Life and living successes are all about this very intricate mechanism of wellness. Men and women need to step out of their individual domains and see and accept the utility of building planks of mutuality and symbiosis in marriage. Man-woman mutuality is huge component of life-living wellness. A man is a man, he has to see and accept. He has to lead. He has the larger onus of success on his shoulders, when it comes to organizing the success of wellness enterprise of mutuality and intimacy. Men surely can do it...
Acceptance, somehow works magic for compatibility and cooperation. Different entities may not necessarily be competitive as complementarities are better with distinct things. This is a difficult acceptance, seems only metaphoric but surely has core pragmatism and practical utility for all of us...
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At The Very Outset…!
Marriage always has to be a special thing for everyone. However, the sad reality is that this world of humanity has many mismanaged contradictions but two things were the most mismanaged. First is marriage and second is the conception of a child – both issues at the core of wellness of both men and women. Almost everyone has seen worst and nastiest of marriages, be it what we popularly term as love marriage or an arranged one.
Globally, the systems of marriages are flawed and the worst managed. One really wonders; how little thought goes over this important issue of humanity. Sure, it seems, humanity has failed in evolving a universally accepted and practically aesthetic system of such a beautiful and important life event as marriage and the more critical necessity of required readiness to welcome a child in the family. When we look at it, we find it to our bewilderment that how humanity has created so much utility and consumption for good life and living but failed miserably in making basic and primary things as good and beautiful. That’s why it needs to be accepted that there is something majorly wrong with our mental training that helped in creating a world order we all have lived in since ages and continue to do so.
Somehow, it seems, there is this general view that Birth, Death and Marriages are beyond human capacities. This ‘Made in Heaven’ psychology seems to have led to this casualness in approaching the three most important events of humanity. That’s why there is so much chaos and mismanagement in these three events. Though, this casualness is also milieu-driven.
Amazing it is that we leave simple things; which we should do ourselves, to God and take up all difficult tasks ourselves. Men would do the unthinkably onerous and difficult tasks of challenging nature and God. Men would walk in space, climb Mount Everest without oxygen, make its own clone and the list is endless. But they never spare few moments for readying themselves for basic things like marriage, birth of their child and their own death. You need to prepare and be in final readiness for marriages and birth. We all need to prepare hard and be very timely in readiness for our deaths.
Tragically, we humans are least prepared and in readiness for the three most essential and basic events of life but spend all our time, energy and resources in readying dispensable utilities and consumptions.
We shall talk later in some detail about being in the conscious state of ‘readiness’, before entering the domain of marriage, however, it is important at the very outset to enlist the need for both man and woman to see, understand and accept that marriage is a huge enterprise and needs loads of preparedness beforehand, so that when marriage happens, the two souls are in perfect readiness for it. Naturally, for that to happen, man and woman must first evolve through a mutuality-mode consciousness. There has to be an acceptance that marriage requires a different state of consciousness, as against the singular individualistic one. It is important that man and woman build up on this symbiotic consciousness by enlisting a ‘Mutuality-Mandate’. How?
For example, a man and woman wrote-up a ‘Constitution’ together of their marriage for both of them to follow. It just reflected of their consciousnesses jointly envisaging, how for them mutuality is going to unravel in their marriage. The constitution reads as:
Preamble: The two rationally endowed people – a woman and a man; physically, mentally and spiritually sound and mature; in decisive and total possession of love and compassion for each other and all; otherwise resourceful and capable of free will and independence of body and mind; hereby declare the aspiration and commitment for an assimilation; fully understanding and accepting the utility and desirability of such a union called marriage to attain the higher purity and purposes of life together; that otherwise is uncalled for. We as woman and man pledge and give ourselves to become wife and husband in absolute humility and inclusive objectivity.
The Constitution then goes on to list the seven pledges –
Different couples may have their own version of this constitution of marriage but the simple idea is that both men and women must accept the need of ‘investing’ satisfactory and optimum amount of mutually arrived tangibles and intangibles in ‘mutuality-domain’, as marriage is one hugely crucial ‘enterprise’ of life-living wellness. In action and thought, both men and women must show up this sense of propriety and purpose.
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Let This Sink In…
The man and woman mutuality and the raw element of core intimacy in the marriage are surely no business of ‘intelligence’ of words and language. All elemental and core utility have no words, only the primary sounds and raw acoustics of avowals. The music and dance have little utilities of words and language. The progression of the enterprises of music and dance is a conscious renunciation of the external and an acceptance of the journeys within. Intimacy is a brilliant mix of the best of both music and dance. Surely, it is ultimate artistry to renounce the cultural clutters of the consciousness, when deep in the intimacy music. The ingenuities of man or woman mind positioning needs to be renounced in the progression of intimacy as the music renounces words in its progression. Love and compassion needs a pure and poised higher consciousness…
This is important. People need to be happy and full of life together. Why waste time and energy on a notion, especially the populist cultural version of it, which is a fringe issue and a by-product of something more meaningful. People need to be Together; they need to be in Mutuality-Mode, they need to be Collaborators of Consciousnesses; they need to be Partners in engendering the artistry of life-living wellness and reciprocal excellence.
They surely need to be honest, innocently sincere to the core hypothesis of mutuality and committed to happiness. It is important that the man does not wish to individualize and particularize his emotions of ‘suitability/compatibility’ to his woman. For him, love and compassion should be embedded deep in his higher consciousness and must remain the primary energy of his wellness and happiness. Also, better it is for the woman to accept this hypothesis that marriage is only the ‘seed’ of the ‘tree’ of mutuality, which is evolved and matured with conscious elements of innocence of love and compassion. Men and women must adhere to the raw and bare basics of mutuality. The fringe issues, the peripheral attainments and populist perceptions in relationships should never unsettle the core and cardinal idea and ideology of life-living wellness and excellence.
Life is good, it is so full of beautiful probabilities and each probability unleashes a rainbow of happiness and wellness. It is the honest and innocent enterprise of mutuality, which lends fruition and utility to all mystically marvelous probabilities of wellness and happiness. The man and woman must invest well in the enterprise of mutuality. When the man and the woman are well in happy space of mutuality, the celebrations begin… Everyone is invited…!
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...For Finality Of Fruition
It is not that people await good times, the good times also await good people to come and hoist the potential seeded in the soil of future. Good words also wish for good readers, to be in reception of and be in linearity of the innocent intent, which ride on the shoulders of the words, for the finality of their fruition...
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… On Navigation And Expression Of Intent
There has to be a humble admittance – Any word, however well meant and well spelt, is a possible suspect of misinterpretation. There is a simple reason. People are in different consciousnesses and culturally as well as personally inclined to a specific value-summation of utilities. As a writer, it is a huge temptation to take liberties, with not only imaginations but also with the words, as against their common and popular use. Do kindly accept my latitude with language and personal coinages of words, as I understand, many times, they may not conform to popular usages. I share with you whatever is part of my consciousness. All wisdoms say, what stays with you is what sinks in. Wisdom is what we internalize. I share with you whatever I have internalized in my life. This may not be mainstream stuff; but may have utility in some meaningful way. I believe, as a reader, you shall enjoy this novelty and pleasant awkwardness of the writing.
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Thanks For Your Magnanimity, The First Chapter Begins...