Employment
I have found it completely pointless applying for jobs at jobcentre plus. It only takes a little digging to find out that most of them aren’t real. Companies without any vacancies advertise for staff. I tried to tell my (Conservative) MP this and he quite clearly didn’t believe me.
Driving jobs are all scams, catalogue delivery and collection means Kleeneze / Avon. You have to buy the catalogues from them and they have been known to give people the same of overlapping areas. The job title "Energy advisor" gave me reason for hope. I imagined that I would be visiting peoples home and telling how much money they could save by insulating their loft / updating their freezer / installing double glazing. No an energy advisor stands in a supermarket foyer trying to get people to change their gas supplier. What a let down!
Trade magazines may be a better bet for vacancies for those with skills in a particular area. I a way you can understand this. Why would an employer want hordes of applications from desperate people with random skills?
If you are at rock bottom and need ANY job there will be an agency in every city that has the kind of employers that no one wants to work for on their books. Stress to this agency that you are willing to do ANYTHING. They may give you some simple arithmetic and written English tests. Ring them most mornings stressing that you are willing to do anything. Beware that they may ask you to work a night shift (10PM to 6AM) that very day. If you do get work take the specified personal protective equipment (PPE). This may include: Safety hat, High visibility jacket , gloves and most probable, safety boots. Goggles and ear protectors are usually provided by the employer. Don’t make any assumptions regarding the food available. The food dispensers are expensive and often broken. There always seem to be kettles and microwaves. So take your own food, mug, milk and tea bags etc. Some caffeine tablets might help you get through the night.
These agencies see things in very simple terms so don’t give them any complications like "I can work all next week except Wednesday". Only ring them if you have a clear run as in "I am available all next week".
The question "have you got a car" may seem simple enough but it is code for "can we send you to any employer regardless of public transport links and shift patterns".
Your first placing will probably be the worst. Don’t worry you have passed the first test; you turned up on time and sober and worked a full day. Hopefully the agency will get you a better role next time.
A pretty shitty practice has been more prevalent recently. Either the employer asks for or the agency deliberately sends too many people in the belief that some won’t turn up. The last people get told to leave. It’s been happening too much to be chance. And no you don’t get paid.
Another shitty practice is to only pay you once you have worked a full week.
If you start work at a factory everybody ignores you. It’s human nature. They know most new faces don't last long so they don’t pay you any attention. Once you have been there a week or so they will probably be friendlier. Start handing out small bottles of your wines and vodkas and you will be their new best friend.
After being unemployed for a year you will probably be sent to an "employment advisor". The whole industry is full of charlatans. They get paid around £4K if you sign off for whatever reason. They will direct you to voluntary work, unpaid work and education that are not any use to you. This leaves room for another person in their decrepit office. All the time they will have an eye on the alternative method of getting you off jobseekers allowance which is providing the jobcentre with information which would mean you allowance is cut off. Don’t trust these people. Especially don’t sign anything. Why did they ask for my next of kin, medical history, GPs name and most insidious of all, ask me if it was OK for them to "share" information about me to other "bodies"? This might mean ask your GP if you are genuinely ill. Telling police that you seem to have a lot of money for an unemployed person. I don't know. DONT SIGN ANYTHING! OK maybe an expenses sheet.
Take what they offer. Free internet use and printing for example. If you have an important application stamp and post it yourself. They have been known to open outgoing post to check for "errors" . And they don’t tell you that they haven’t posted it until your next visit.
At some time your "case worker" (yes you have a case worker like a fucking borstal boy!) may start talking about a "placement". This is unpaid work stacking shelves usually. I have moral issues regarding working for nothing for a profit making organization as it just makes someone else unemployed . If you want a placement it is OK otherwise you have to make yourself un-placeable. Wait until one of the "work advisors" makes a mistake. Being patronizing to you is a good one. Really kick off, even if you hate being angry, just kick off. Demand an apology, and keep going and going. If the message has not got through kick off a bit later too. You will never get a placement like that. Perfect!
All the time be careful not to make personal comments about your "case worker". You are not trying to get your JSA cut off.
If by some devious means you get given a placement before you have had a chance to make yourself un-placeable there is still a way out. Get someone to keep ringing you every half hour. Pretend you have been rung by a potential employer and keep chatting away. You will be sent back to the work advisor but they cannot get your JSA cut off for talking to potential employers.
If you encounter bullying or unfair psychological practices you can complain to your MP or better still go straight to the parliamentary and health service ombudsman (PHSO). You don’t need to go through your MP anymore BTW. That really really scares them. Remember they are no better than you. You are up to your neck in shit it. They are climbing on your shoulders because they don’t want to be in shit too. Behave appropriately.
On days when your arse is theirs make sure to account for your time. If you leave an interview go straight back to their offices. They have been known to make a big deal out of any unauthorized absence.
Everybody I know with a good job has had it for ten or more years. They would be pretty crazy to get a new one, even if they could, they would be on probation for three or six months. During this time they could be let go for any reason. Meanwhile their pension is growing so they stay put. This reduces turnover. The result is a lack of opportunities for the skilled unemployed.