“To make the best of what is in our power, and take the rest as it occurs.”
– Epictetus (55-135 AD)
This quote by the ancient stoic philosopher is one that you should memorize, and use as one of your guiding principles in your efforts to recover from cancer.
“To make the best of what is in our power...” On a psychological level, what then can and should you do to markedly increase your chances of recovery? In our last chapter, I gave suggestions as to some of the questions you should ask yourself about your life, your satisfaction and happiness, and the like.
So now, let’s suppose you have done just that, and come up with (for instance) the following honest answers:
“The truth is, I haven’t been really happy for a long time. Life seems to be one constant grind. I am in a rut. Always doing the same things, working in a job I don’t particularly like, and that doesn’t allow me to realize my true potential. As a matter of fact, I’m not even sure about what my potential is, since I’ve never really dared to “do my own thing”, but instead always just tried to live up to expectations that other people had for me.
“On top of all that, I’ve let myself go physically. I stopped caring years ago about whether or not I was in shape. After all, since I’m married, there’s no need to try to be attractive to others. Life simply doesn’t seem to have much meaning. People live, then they die. Does it really matter when death comes? Maybe my time will soon be up, and I should just accept it.”
The above is, of course, only an example. In your own case, the realizations you discover may vary quite a bit, but assuming that you really took the time to delve into your mind and answer the questions honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the answers you came up with were at least in part similar to the above example.
So now, considering the thoughts/beliefs in our example, what could you do to begin to change that way of thinking; indeed, to change your life, that may have become more of a burden than a joy? I will be brief and to the point: below, step by step, are some of the actions you can take:
1) Try to see, and constantly keep in mind, that making changes in your way of thinking, and in your life, is not simply an option. If you wish to overcome your illness, and become healthy once again, you should see it as an absolute necessity. For there is a good chance that you developed cancer precisely because of your emotional state, and habitual way of thinking. Therefore, improving yourself in these respects will increase the odds of recovering. And even if your thoughts and beliefs played no role in cancer emerging, developing a more positive attitude and raising your happiness level will in any case improve the probability of recovery!
2) If you see no meaning in your life, then give yourself one. How? You can go about it this way:
a) Ask yourself what you could possibly do to make your life seem more meaningful:
− contribute some of your time to an organization that helps other people.
− help out at your church (should you be religious).
− set up a Facebook page dedicated to helping people, animals, the environment, etc.
− begin to learn a new skill.
− start reading about a subject that always seemed interesting to you, but that you never “had time” to delve into.
− get a pet – dog, cat, bird or whatever – and take joy in caring for it.
− take a little trip, with family, a good friend, or even alone, just to “get away from it all” for a few days.
− start taking yoga classes: you will learn to relax, and control your mind better, which of course can help you in dealing with cancer, and heading towards recovery.
And what if you already are doing some of the things in the list above, and still have cancer? Then perhaps you should do quite the opposite. That is, maybe you were leading such an active social life in order to escape from yourself, so to speak. In such a case, it could actually be important to begin to concentrate on yourself, and not so much on others. Thus, we see that each case is unique. Nonetheless, the main point is the same: if you have cancer, there is a good chance that something in your life up till now has not been “right” for you, and therefore, a careful examination of your life, and perhaps making some fundamental changes, could be just what you need.
If you spend a bit of time thinking about it, and writing down whatever pops into your head, I’m sure you will be able to expand the above list quite a bit. The important thing here is not exactly what you do – it’s all about breaking out of your routine, doing something new, and getting enthusiastic about it!
You may wish to choose several new things to begin. But do something. Do not simply continue in your habitual rut. Besides a welcome “lifting of your spirits” that starting something new will provide, it will also give you something else: namely, the feeling that you are in control; that you are making positive decisions about your life, and about how you wish to live it. You will no longer feel that you are the passive victim of circumstances, but rather, that you are responsible for, and have determined to improve, the life you are leading. And now, for the second step…
b) Once you have decided just what you would like to do to get out of your “rut”, the next essential step is… to actually do it! Begin as soon as possible. If you have decided on taking a little trip, plan it today. If you thought it might be nice to learn a new skill, begin reading about it right now, and plan to dedicate a small part of each day to learning more about it. If you have chosen to donate your time to a church or other organization, call that place right now and ask how you might be able to help them. In a word: act on your decision!
c) Read and re-read the chapter in this book entitled: “Exploring how our minds work”. Then, do the mental exercises which I describe there. They are extremely powerful tools that will not only improve your mindset, but that could well put you securely on the road to a full recovery. Skeptical? No matter: doing those exercises will cost you nothing but 10-15 minutes a day, and they are in no way harmful − they can only help you. Don’t just take my word for it. Do them, starting as soon as possible (today, for example!), and in a few weeks, you will see the positive effects they are having in your life.
d) During this process of reorientation, you may discover that if (one is tempted
here to say “when”) you do recover, you would like to live differently from before. Whatever insights you have come up with in this regard are certainly valid, and should cause you neither worry nor distress, even if it means changing your life in some ways that are not especially pleasing to others. Always remember: it’s your life, and you have every right in the world to live it in a manner that is meaningful and fulfilling for you. Happiness is your birthright, and only you can and should decide which path to take to achieve that happiness. Who knows? Maybe you developed cancer in order to “wake yourself up”, and to force yourself to make necessary changes in your life. I personally know one man for whom that was the case….
This man had been living a rather meaningless life, in his own estimation. Sure, he had a job, and earned enough to live comfortably, but he didn’t really like that job. He spent his free time going out drinking, using drugs, seeking sex… you get the picture. His immune system eventually rebelled: a medical checkup revealed that he had cancer. He went the “chemo route” and (no surprise to me), his situation worsened by the week, to the point where the doctor stopped chemo, and told him he had only 3-4 weeks to live. But this gentleman was not the type to give up easily.
He went home and immediately decided he would do everything he could to stay alive: he stopped smoking and drinking, and quit the drugs; he completely changed his diet, adopting one recommended by alternative physicians for cancer; he changed his attitude, having first thought about what was really important in life (and recognizing that the pursuit of pleasure was not what was most important!). In short, he radically changed his diet, his behavior, and his mental outlook.
Two months later (yes, two months) he returned to the doctor, who was most surprised to see him alive. Upon doing some tests, they discovered that the cancer had completely disappeared. I met this man in 2010, about five years after he had received his “death sentence” from the doctor. As I write these lines (January, 2019), he is still alive – and well! Coincidence? I don’t think so. A “miracle”? Well, maybe. But personally, I believe that he totally recovered from late Stage IV cancer due to his desire to live, coupled with his thorough change of attitude and thought patterns, and of course, also his determination and eagerness to do anything and everything that would strengthen his immune system.
Yes, there are people who completely recover from cancer, even in its final stage, yet they don’t achieve this with chemotherapy, but rather with radical changes in their life-style, their diet, and their mind. Is this therefore a “guaranteed plan” for recovery? Well, no: practically nothing in life is guaranteed. However, such measures cannot be harmful, and thus, they can only help. In any case, they will significantly raise the probability of eliminating cancer from your life, and restoring your health.