Prologue:
Anton Petrov opens his videos with the salutations: “Hello there, Wonderful Persons…” I like that. I do not have my own catch phrase. I should like to adopt his, or something even more profound. Perhaps a mission statement read by William Shatner and theme music. Hello, fellow Wizards and amazingly powerful beings…
You probably don’t won’t magical thinking. I like magic, but I am don’t intend to push metaphysical beliefs. I never thought try to write such a books as I am attempting now. I am actually qualified to speak on these matters, as I have master in Community Mental Health, and I hold a license in the state of Texas to practice. I never considered myself worthy of a title, but I here I am with one. Intellectually speaking, it means I know just enough to realize anytime I enter into someone else’s narrative- I am walking sacred ground. You really can’t get away from mystical thinking when elevate people to where they deserve to be. Elevating myself, rationally, and being reasonable- staying balanced is a challenge for me. I am not likely to be tyrannical arrogance, but sometimes I fall back into old thoughts patterns. In the past, while struggling with my own mental health, I have rejected many overtures of kindness and reasonable insight because of a perceived disparity between what I was given in my family of origin to what I was being given. If you told me thirty years ago that I was a good man, I would have vehemently argues the contrary- and would have had just enough passive aggressiveness to give you evidence. That didn’t mean I wasn’t trying to be a good man. Hell, most the time my bar was just aimed at being reasonable. I sometimes hit the bar. Sometimes wasn’t frequent enough. I have held a great deal of darkness, shame, self-loathing, and, well, an almost insurmountable list of things; even today I will frequently drop into self-deprecating humor. I mean to emulate Joan Rivers; I notice I don’t do it well, or at least my self-perspective clashes with how others see me.
Did it ever occur to you that the applicants that came to the Wizard already had what they were seeking? Should it be pondered at all? I mean, it’s given. It’s right there in the script. If you told the scarecrow that he had a brain, he would articulately argue how you were mistaken. He might even convince you. The same for the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion. They spent all of their time in their self-dialogue fortifying their illness. Part of their illness was their self-dialogue- their inner narrative.
Having a narrative that doesn’t align with reality, perceived, or social, doesn’t mean we don’t also communicate truth. For example, I am divorced twice. I am absolutely convinced the first failure was completely mine. I don’t see the second divorce as a failure, but I can communicate how I contributed to its resolution. I have shared these failures, and almost immediately been reprimanded, figuratively. In discussing it, people remind me it takes two, and ask about her part. Well, I am really not concerned about her part. I am concerned about my part. I can imagine how a person might respond to my part and be less engaged, and how that might snowball in one direction. We are either moving closer as people, or further apart; rarely do we just maintain. Part of my failure was realizing I shouldn’t have married 2nd wife. I had a list. I shared it with her. She founds reasons to dismiss all of the articles on the list. Interestingly, over time, as we grew further apart, she presented articles to why our relationship wasn’t working. Her list was actually my list. It was almost as if she had to discover these truths on her own, and she presented them to me reasonably well. It astounded me that she presented them as if she invented them. I was more amused than perturbed- why be angry at truth- and so, the marriage naturally resolved itself without too much of a fuss. There was more volatility in the making of it than the resolution of it.
People see what they see. They hear what they hear. Rarely do we see or hear truth. There is science that tells us this, beyond a shadow of a doubt. We experience reality in stages. No matter how much philosophy and spirituality I pursued, I could not accept the premise I was a good man. Jordan Peterson offered me the insight that I needed to realize a different view- what qualifies me a man as good is the attribute of recognizing my own darkness. Fuck. I carry some darkness, that’s for damn sure. (If you don’t like profanity, you won’t like this book.) My family of origin made sure I got a backpack full of that shit before I managed to break free. It took me a while to unpack the half of it. I am still unpacking it. And, curiously, I am now in a field where I listen to the darkness of others. I work in mental health. I hear the horror stories of struggles and trauma and every once in a while I am still foolish enough to think, ‘fuck, I’ve heard it all,’ and then, sure enough, Murphy sends in the next client- with backpacks and rolling chests brimful of darkness.
I have had a change of heart. I have decided to own ‘I am a good man’ with one caveat, ‘I am really terrible wizard.’
The story of who we are is a long and winding road. Yes, life is a Paul McCartney song. You may be lamenting that life doesn’t take you directly to where you need to me, but as my good friend Loxy would sayt: “lightening never takes a straight path.” Unlike most spiritualist teachings that place emphasis on reducing or eliminating Ego in your life, I suggest that ego and personality are functional constructs for making life meaningful. Life’s goal is not to be less you, but to be more you. Not a better you. Better implies who you are right now doesn’t have value, or what you’re experiencing doesn’t have value. We are here, and in that there is celebration of spirit. Saying that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement. There is always room for different, whether that be vertical or lateral. Where you are on the map is simply where you are. If you want to go somewhere specific, you need to know where you are. Where here now. If you’re open, perhaps some the keys to my map may unlock meaning in yours. If nothing else, maybe it can give you insight into the meaning of your own keys.
I am writing this in a very conversational style approach, hoping to make it accessible to a larger audience. I aiming to make this generally helpful. My preference is to write fiction. If I can think of the source as I am writing, I will add it to the text. If I failed to include an important source, forgive me. Again, this is not meant to be an academically written book. If you come to a counselor and they start throwing names and sources at you, well, how helpful is that? Counseling is about the conversation. Writing is less of a dialogue, but with enough seeds of interest, in can spark a larger conversation. I think people are starving for genuine conversations. People thrive when they have kind, intellectual reciprocity of interaction. How many of us get that these days? I suspect that is one reason YouTube is out performing every other media source: people recognize genuineness- versus contrived, manipulated, keep you where you’re at or provocative. If you a curious about something, feel free to ask. If you think I got something wrong, tell me. I open to conversations. I am not looking for new clients.