Chapter 2 Fear and Anxiety
Before you can tackle Fear and Anxiety, you have to have a working metaphor. A meme. A framework. I have experienced trauma. I hear accounts of trauma every single day. Fuck, you just have to turn into the news and you get a steady diet of trauma vicariously. How many of our games and movies have trauma? Fighting and warring and action is the world’s go to fix. This is not an anti-gaming and movie theme. I am merely pointing out, there are very few non- aggressive pathways illuminated around us. There is some evidence that completely suppressing it, such as not letting boys play rough and tumble, can be harmful. Like, you delay the growth of their prefrontal cortex. You know how important that is for thinking. I refer you to the movie, “War Games.” AI comes online and wants to play ‘Thermal Nuclear War’ with Ferris Bueler with real bombs. (Hence the phrase, Save Bueler, on the water tower.) To short circuit this, Mather engaged AI in a game of tic-tac-toe. AI quickly learns the futility of the game and asks to play chess. Boys are physical first, social second. If you don’t get the physical part, you’re less likely to have cognitive part. But isn’t ironic, we will suppress it in boys- even dope them on narcotics to quiet perceived ‘aggression,’ but then feed them a diet of gaming and movies that promotes the very thing society is trying to extinguish?
Oh, and while we’re on the meme of War Games, how smart do you suppose it is arming robots and pre-AI interfaces with weapons before they have the cognitive discernment not to shoot us? And, did the military people not watch “Terminator?” Do they not know naming their satellite network “Skynet” is a really bad meme? And, are you really surprised that the US Space Force Flag looks a lot like the Federation of Planet’s flag, from Star Trek? If you agree the human brain communicates with memes, why are we pushing so many mixed messages?
Squirrel.
Imagine you had a past trauma. Somebody mugged you. They beat you up, took your money, but they didn’t kill you. You might come out of that thinking the world is unsafe. And you’re right. The world is not safe. Some people have the trauma and then stay home. Did you know, staying at home because of anxiety increases anxiety? Avoidance always amplifies anxiety.
Here’s a metaphor. To best access this, it would be nice if you have seen or know the premise of the movie “Speed,” 1994, Kenu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. If you want to take time out and go YouTube the trailer, you can. Not like I am measuring how much you stick with me. From beginning to end, a movie is a Meme. If you know a meme, it only takes speaking the ‘name’ to activate the meme. You don’t have to know anything else. You don’t have to know how your computer works to access a browser- you click on the browser. You don’t have to know about archetypes or neural mechanics or psychology works in your brain to benefit from concepts. At any time a person can speak a meme and activate or deactivate something inside you. It happens all the time, and not just with memes. Product placement is a scientifically established fact– retailers will put an item in your face and you are more likely to buy it, even though it’s not on your list. Most people don’t have a list, and they’re always baffled that they bought more than they had intended to get. They just go to the store. Walk into any casino, and the first thing is you discover is-darkness. Eyes widen to acclimate- and your brain just got hijacked. There are lights. And sparkling things. And the sounds of people winning. And you just lost.
“Speed.” If you don’t know it and didn’t look it up, here’s the basic take away. You’re on a bus. There’s a bomb on the bus. If the bus slows below 55mph, the bomb blows up killing everyone on the bus. Also, if anyone gets off the bus, the bomb blows up. Keanu Reeves is the bomb expert, and a hostage negotiator. Sandra Bullock is a passenger that ends up driving the bus because the bus driver got shot. If you have anxiety due to past trauma, this metaphor is for you. You don’t have to have trauma. If you have anxiety, you can use this meme as a model for understanding why nothing you have done so far has worked for you.
You are a passenger on the bus. You are not Sandra Bullock. You’re not in control of the bus. You’re not Keanu Reeves. You’re not the hero who will rescue everyone and kiss Sandra when it’s all said and done. Not only are you a passenger on the bus, you have the extra misfortune of being able to hear the bomb ticking. It’s annoying. You’re going to die. That statement is always true, you are going to die. No way around it, you’re fucked. You don’t like the noise, so the first thing you do is put your finger in your ears and go ‘la la la.’ This works. You can block your ears and make enough noise to drown out something you don’t want hear. You’d be surprise how many people want to shout over and interrupt someone who is speaking an uncomfortable truth. It doesn’t even have to be the truth. People lie. Trying to talk over or shout out the lie usually results in the person lying to get louder- or the audience accepting the lie out of sympathy and embarrassment that oppositional people had a tantrum on the floor. Telling an angry person to calm down results in angry person becoming angrier. At any rate, the technique of blocking ears and making noise works- for a moment.
Real or imagined, if the brain perceives a threat and it doesn’t believe it is being appropriately listened to, it will turn up the volume on the noise it wants you to hear. Let me say that again- the brain is an alarm clock and there is a limit to the snooze button being deployed. Ignoring the brain always results in increase in volume of noise. You are not your brain. Your brain is the sense organ that helps you navigate the world. It takes in real data, aligns it with past data, sorts stuff, and it gives you a portion of that data so that you can make informed decisions. You’re on the bus. There is a bomb ticking. You blocked your ears. The brain says: “That’s interesting. I know there is a bomb here. I need you to pay attention because this could kill us.” It turns up the volume. You can now hear the bomb even though you have your ears plugged.
At this point, people turn to one of two remedies, drugs- prescription or otherwise, and or drama. Drama works quite well. People with anxiety will go looking for drama. Most don’t have to look for drama, because it just magically finds them. The reason drama works at temporarily killing the noise is the brain can’t multitask. It’s either tracking the bomb, or tracking the drama. If you’re about to get eaten by dinosaur, it doesn’t matter what the bomb is doing. You deal with the dinosaur. If you survive, then you can sort the bomb.
Almost everyone who gets into drama resolves it. They go home, they throw themselves into their favorite chair and they say to themselves, “Yay! That’s over. I am so done with drama. I am never going to get into that with them again.” The brain hears this and says, “Yay. Good for you. Now, here’s this bomb noise I need you to focus on.” Person: “FUCK, why can’t I have a moment’s peace?!”
The other thing that is useful for killing the noise is drugs. Drugs work. For a moment. Let’s say you turn to alcohol. It’s a depressant. It brings the noise down. The brain does the same math. “I know there’s a bomb here. I need to turn up the volume.” Over time, person with anxiety ends up drinking more and more, and over time the noise gets louder. The noise is anxiety- that’s the bomb ticking. “I just need a little buzz so I can sleep.” They drink. Person drinks, bomb noise goes up, alcohol leaves the body in measure, noise spikes, and drops to new set point. At some point in this journey, the noise gets so loud that alcohol ceases to work as a fix. Most people will never get to the point that they are drinking so much in one sitting that they die due to alcohol overdose. You can drink that much. Fuck, you can drink enough water in one sitting to kill yourself. A mom died trying to win an XBOX for her son; she died because she drank the most water. Why are we still learning that meme? You can kill yourself with an over indulgence in anything. Usually, though, with alcohol, people pass out, or they get DWIs, or their family starts calling them out… Their lives blow-up.
Xanax is super great at killing anxiety. It’s not just plugging your ears effective, it is pulling the microphone jack out of the socket so you can’t hear the bomb. Two wonderful things happen with Xanax for most people. One, the brain turns the volume up exponentially to accommodate the sound mechanism being jacked with. Two, the body becomes immune to the effectiveness of Xanax- it’s effectiveness decreases over time. Sound going up plus medication effectiveness decreasing equals greater amounts of the medication to make bomb noise go away. Whether this is noise due to trauma, or just regular old, garden variety anxiety, the results are the same- you will see an increase in frequency of use, and an increase in dosage, and an increase in anxiety. There is a level of Xanax that will kill you in one sitting. Most doctors are tracking this, and when they realize the next higher dose will kill you, they do two things: first, they cut you off cold turkey, and second- they refer you to a psychiatrist. Most psychiatrist, especially at the community health clinic level- WILL NOT provide you with a prescription of Xanax.
The problem is, Xanax is a Band-Aid, when what you need is psychic surgery. You may be arguing with me, “I was not increasing my dosage, and I shouldn’t be punished because other people got worse.” Maybe so. The practice of medicine is a huge mess. Doctors are being blocked from being doctors, even when they’re consistent. Politicians are trying to be doctors vicariously through laws. The DEA’s involved. It’s a complicated, rotten mess. At some point, you would imagine we’d just say fuck it let adult people do what they want. But all of that aside, if there is way to turn off the anxiety noise without doing medication, wouldn’t you want that? Most people aren’t big fans of pharmaceuticals- except when they’re addicted.
I know quite a few people with past trauma who self-medicate with Cannabis. It’s still illegal here in Texas. They will give you all sorts of rationalization of why it should be legal and they’re doing it in moral protests. They make all kinds of excuses for using it. I am even okay that they use it. One of the arguments I actually like is, ‘better than alcohol.’ I want cannabis legal.
California and Colorado have been using legalized Cannabis as a treatment for PTSD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I don’t think there has been enough studies to determine the long term outcomes. Remember, government has banned research on medical use marijuana for moment now. Also, remember the brains turns up the noise when you avoid listening to it. It is going up with cannabis- I think the curve is not as steep as it is with Xanax and or ETOH, but it is still going up! I haven’t seen anyone wake up and say, “Wow, I am cured. I know longer have to use this.” People will use more and more over time. I do not believe Cannabis is a Gateway drug, with one exception: if you are using Cannabis to treat anxiety, and you experience that it is taking more and more cannabis to get the same results- there will be a day when you can’t consume enough to get the benefit- and if you have no other tools in your arsenal, you will seek the next best drug, or drug combination.
I am not anti-drugs or medication. But here is a truth you may not have calculated. The medical community doesn’t give a fuck about you. The pharmaceuticals don’t give a fuck about you. The Doctor writing the script cares more about his livelihood than his life. That’s a solid fact, and it’s reasonable. A Doctor reasonably concerned about outcomes isn’t going to want to kill you. But you also might not get results. Oh, and just in case you weren’t sure about this, the Cannabis industry, contrary to popular narrative- doesn’t give a fuck about you. The push for legalization isn’t about freedoms and altruism. Big State Drug Dealers have finally legislated their way into our communities. There are no mom and pop Cannabis Pizza stores. Fuck, I’d buy into that market. They are a businesses. Seriously, it’s about money. Who is making the money in Cannabis? A few white men, including senators who kept pushing laws to keep it illegal. Cannabis will grow anywhere. You can grow it in your closet. If you really want to make it legal, and prove to me it’s altruism and getting back to nature, just let whoever wants it grow it. That would impress me.
Let’s look at this from another perspective- away from trauma. ADHD. It’s a real thing. The medication they use to treat the symptoms, can help some people to focus. Let’s say you’re 6 years old, and found to have genuine ADHD. There are things that look like ADHD that are not ADHD. Trauma shares symptoms. Seriously, if you’re getting your ass torn up on a daily, you’re not going to sit still, and you’re more likely to be jumping at sudden noises or people whispering. That’s the bomb talking. So, you put this kid on meds, suddenly- he is quiet. He sits there. He is not disruptive. He is also not learning what you think he is supposed to be learning. He has just learned he is broken and HAS to take medication to fix him. Teacher rewards this social narrative by saying things like, “Oh, Johnny, you’re being so good today, you must have taken your medicine.” How fucked up is that? He is not broken! But now, because we’re willing to give children narcotic that we wouldn’t give to a dog, he goes the rest of childhood and adolescent with this idea that he is broken. At age 18, especially if he was being treated at the community health level- which is highly likely, if you do the math of how many children are the products of divorce- which statistically puts women and kids at the poverty level without insurance- they cold turkey him. Remember, this was a legit ADHD case. He goes to find a PCP to continue med management. PCP says, “We don’t treat ADHD in adults.” “But I need my meds to focus…” “You’ll outgrow it.” People actually believe that shit? Why would you think a person who was never taught other strategies will suddenly wake up one day and outgrow it? If he goes to another doctor, he is now labeled as a ‘drug seeker.’ Well, of course he is a drug seeker. We live a paradigm where we go to a Doctor and they prescribe medication. It’s what we do.
Except when the government is involved. ADHD meds requires a triple script. Doctors don’t want to do that. Xanax works. They don’t want to give that because it might be addictive. The entire medical community, including insurance companies, and the government, are wasting more time and energy avoiding the fact that people have legitimate needs- the bomb is ticking- they are anxious, they are hurting- and no one is doing what needs to be done to fix the problem. We need more qualified counselors and pathways to improved mental health. We need more options in education to educate the people that don’t fit the so called norm. People who have ADHD are not disabled- they’re actually geniuses who are not being appropriately nurtured. Einstein is just one example. He sucked at school- the way it was taught. He was kicked out of school. The academic community hates it when kids that don’t fit the norm excel. It looks better to say the kid has the problem than the teacher has a problem. When you dumb down kids with narcotics, you just get more of Dumb and Dumber. Most kids who have been on narcotic most of their life, legitimately, and who get cut off- suddenly find themselves buying meth to get their fix. We are not setting people up to win. We are setting up big business to win. Big Prison is a business, and also about money, not rehabilitation. They can’t lose because their money comes from Federal Contracts, so it’s in their best interest to keep prisons full. How do they do that? Supporting politicians who will run on ‘I am tough on crime’ nonsense.
Healing people is a poor business strategy when you make money treating symptoms. No one wants to invest in rehab. Prisons were initially meant to be a form of social rehabilitation. No one comes out of prison better adjusted. Most of them come out more traumatized than when they went in. Science has shown, when mental health is provided, recidivism is cut in half. It feels like a conspiracy. It feels like the world is against us. We can’t win because no one is own our side. What we need are safer communities, access to services that allow us to grow, and a society that isn’t using us to keep the rich wealthy. Your success in this world is less predicated on IQ than it is Zipcode. Your ability to find a pathway out is completely dependent on your ability to establish a functional narrative that doesn’t trip the bomb, and reframes things in a way that you climb up out of the whole you fell in- or were born in.
We are all on the bus.