The Soul Slayer is the name I give to that part of your mind that wants you to die. It basically refers to the voice inside your head that beckons you to smoke. It's that voice that tells you one cigarette won't hurt, and that you've had a bad day and you should have one. That's the Soul Slayer.
He's out for blood, and since you're addicted to cigarettes, you've given him the perfect way to kill you. Once you're dead, it will look like you did it to yourself, and in a way you did because you listened to him.
Does this sound like fantasy? Consider the fact that millions of people across America, the land of plenty, live unbelievably painful and horrible lives. It's not by choice, of course, but there is a voice in their heads that tells them they aren't worthy of greatness and they should pollute their bodies to ease the pain. That's the Soul Slayer. He is cunning and knows exactly what to say to get his way. So it's your job to stay vigilant 24-7, because when you quit, he WILL come after you. I guarantee it. In fact, he's planning his next move right now as you read this. You have to outsmart him. Period.
Anyway, this chapter will teach you all about the Soul Slayer and I will try to cover all your bases while keeping it brief and to the point.
It's Just A Thought
When you have a thought that says, "Have a cigarette," you do it because you believe you thought it up on your own. In other words, you believe your thoughts are your own and so you do whatever they command you to do. Wait, that came out all wrong. Let me start all over.
YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR THOUGHTS! Much better.
Your thoughts are actually automatic and you only believe you are controlling them because it's a very convincing illusion. And believe me, I don't blame anyone for believing them. But once you realize they aren't your own, you have to wonder if you should actually listen to all of them.
Anyone who practices meditation on a regular basis can verify that his or her thoughts are much like clouds floating by in a clear blue sky. Your mind is the clear blue sky and the clouds are the thoughts that appear in that sky. Look up teachings by guys like The Dalai Lama and Ramana Maharshi and you'll learn more about what I'm talking about. However, I'm not going to get into a discussion about this here.
Now, when it comes to smoking, it's the Soul Slayer who puts those 'go smoke' thoughts into your head, and fills your head with excuses and reasons to smoke. He will strike at a moment's notice and at any time of the day. He has no shame, he just wants your nicotine, and he will do whatever it takes to get it.
You see, when I called you a lyer, I was actually referring to the Soul Slayer. He is the true lying sack of shit. You're just the poor sap who believes him.
So when you're into your quit, and the Soul Slayer surfaces with the thought, "I want a smoke," what will you do? There are a few ways to respond. You can ignore it, but you'll only give it more power like that. Don't ignore it, please. You obviously don't want to give into it. So what do you do? The best thing you can do is to:
When you've done all three steps, and you've simply allowed the thought to be, you haven't given it the power it so desperately wants. When you quarrel with it and debater whether you should give in, it gains power and intensity. When you just let it be, it will crawl away like a coward, and that will be the end of it.
Of course, it will try again tomorrow, and you will let it be and it will go away. It will then come back in two days, then four days, then eight days and so on. Basically, it will come back to taunt and tease you with silver and candy, but it will become less frequent as time goes by. So it gets easier with time, and that's good news for you.
Just remember, it's just a thought, accept it, realize that it's natural, and let it be. Following are some of the tricks it uses to get you to smoke.
The Good Old Times
The Soul Slayer loves to use the past to convince you to smoke again. It will paint a pretty picture of you and your lover sharing a cigarette, or remind you of a party where everyone was smoking and having fun. It will remind you of what it feels like to drink and smoke, or play poker and smoke, or have a smoke after dinner. It will remind you of the good old times.
I'm sure you had glory days with your smokes, and I'm positive it got you through the bad times as well. But look, it's time to grow up. You are an adult so start acting like one.
Besides that, you are human and humans are very adaptable. In time, you will learn new coping mechanisms to deal with the bad times, and you will learn to socialize again without cigarettes. You will, I promise. It may not seem possible now, but I'm doing it and I would never go back.
When I think back to my good old times, I see an adult acting like a child in a fantasy playground where everything is rosy and problems can wait til tomorrow. Smoking is like wearing rose-colored glasses when you should be using a microscope. The good old times were fun, but the time came to grow up and I'm happy I did. I hope you will too.
You'll Feel Better, But
The Soul Slayer will tell you that you'll feel better after your smoke. I won't deny that you will, but the guilt you'll feel will be far worse. And what's worse is that you'll have to start all over again. Yes, you will go back to square one and go through the three days of hell again.
It will happen because you won't stop at one cigarette. You will have two, even three packs, and then you're smoking again. The whole, "You'll feel better," tactic is pure bullshit. You'll be a smoker again and he'll be laughing in your dying face. That's just the way it is. I make no apologies.
Acknowledge the thought, see it for what it is, and let it go.
It's Just One Cigarette
I know we've covered this already, but the Soul Slayer's tactics always come down to this argument. "It's just one cigarette. Who is it going to hurt? You can quit again tomorrow." Well if you listened to this argument every day, you would never quit.
There is no such thing as just one cigarette. Believe me, I'm shaking my head at you right now because I know you will think it and I'm pleading with you to not give in.
Just accept, realize, and let it go. It's not worth it because you're better than this.
When It Torments You
The Soul Slayer will torment, but don't think he is stupid. He will wait for the right moment, when you're under the greatest stress; you've broken up with your boyfriend, you just lost your job, or you spilled red wine all over your favorite ivory dress. God, who wears ivory dresses anymore? That's so yesterday. Whatever! I still think a woman looks pretty in one.
Look, it's going to happen. You will have bad days and he is going to go full throttle and give it all he's got. He wants the nicotine so bad and he has finally found the opening he's been looking for. When this happens, and I assure you it will, I want you to be prepared.
Before you do anything impulsive, take the following steps:
Come back to this section when it torments you, and remember, please, there is no such thing as just one cigarette.
Do You Really Want To Start Over?
When the Soul Slayer taunts you, it doesn't tell you that you'll have to start your quit all over again. It will keep that dirty little secret to itself. What it really hopes for is you'll just give in and never quit again. It wants you to die.
He will feed you lies, and if you choose to believe him, you will have to start over. Back to square one. That will royally suck!
Imagine you've been quit for two weeks already. You've gone through all that pain and anguish and the worst is over. Now you just have to deal with the cravings that come up every now and then. Do you really want to go back to day one and do it all over again? I did, many times, and I can assure you it sucks.
Not only that, but every time you have to start over, you become more discouraged because you don't want to go through the discomfort again. It's not worth it, and if you've already quit a couple times in the past, you already know what I'm talking about. If you're a newbie, take my word for it.
Don't put yourself through it, please, for your own sake and sanity.
Always Remember The First Ingredient
The Soul Slayer will never remind you of lung cancer or heart disease, but it will remind you of how a cigarette makes you feel. It will say it's not that expensive, but doesn't tell you what you're spending in a year on cigarettes. The bastard will try to convince you that only other people die from smoking, but it won't remind you of how many people you've lost to cancer alone.
The first ingredient is your foundation. Solidify it. Cement it in your mind and let it be a stone wall that the Soul Slayer has to face every time it tries to attack you. It is your best defence and your coat of armor.
Without it, you're just a sitting duck. With it, you're free.