12. The Importance of Forgiveness
The only thing harder than apologizing is forgiving someone. The reason forgiveness is so difficult is because it gets wrapped up in our ego. Listen, I get it, people hurt us. But, by holding onto that anger, we're choosing to hold on to that pain. What I often tell people is that we get it twisted. Forgiveness isn't about letting the other person off the hook. Forgiveness is about letting ourselves off the hook.
Forgiving someone isn't excusing their behavior. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you need to hang out with someone or be around them either. Forgiveness means that you're actively making an effort to let go of the past. Whenever that pain pops into your mind and you get angry about what that person did, just ask yourself, "Is holding on to this anger useful or not useful to me?" Even if that anger is fueling us to succeed in some aspect of our life, we need to acknowledge when it's doing damage as well.
The other reason we need to forgive is because we constantly expect it from other people. I work with drug addicts and alcoholics who have been living in chaos for years and causing wreckage to loved ones' lives along the way. They get sober for 5 minutes and expect everyone to forgive them, yet they're still holding a grudge against some kid who stole their milk in 3rd grade. Thank about that for a second.
Why do we think that we deserve all of the forgiveness for our screw ups but nobody else does? A little silly isn't it? Forgive others and forgive yourself along the way for your mistakes as well.
