17. Don't Waste Time Tryng to Change Someone's Opinion
Something I often say jokingly is that the reason I drank so much and used so many drugs was because of how stupid everyone around me was. The problem is that I wasn't entirely joking. I couldn't stand the fact that so many people think so many dumb things. It drove me absolutely nuts. What's crazier is how it affected me so much. My expectations of others was way too high, and I also had to ask myself "Why does it matter what they do or don't believe if it's not hurting anyone?" (I added the "if it's not hurting anyone" because if someone believes there's a demon in your skull and wants to drill a hole in your head, then we need to do something about that).
At a certain point, we care way too much about things that don't matter. When we get into these online debates on social media, we are doing what I told you not to do, which is causing our own problems. We exert so much time and energy trying to change someone's beliefs or opinions, and it is such a waste of time.
If you don't believe me, take a moment to ask yourself when the last time it was that someone changed one of your beliefs. I'm not talking about your belief in the Easter Bunny either. I mean your beliefs on politics or social issues or something more serious that has been ingrained in you since childhood. If it's that hard to change your beliefs, why do you think arguing with someone in a Facebook post is going to change their belief?
Still don't believe me? Let's discuss the neuroscience of this situation.
In
The Moral Landscape by Sam Harris, he discusses fMRI brain scans he did as a neuroscientist to see how the brain responds to beliefs. He and his team were some of the only scientists to actually look into this. What they found is that your beliefs activate a part of your brain responsible for ownership. That same good feeling you get when you look at that new car you bought and now own is the same good feeling you get when your beliefs are confirmed (and by the way, this is why confirmation bias is such an issue). They also found that when someone's beliefs are challenged, it triggers your fight or flight response. Your body gets stressed when someone challenges your beliefs, which is why so many arguments happen with no resolution.
Understanding how the brain works has helped me with not wasting my time trying to change someone's beliefs because it's damn near impossible. Again, if their belief isn't hurting anyone and you're not in a place to have a calm, adult conversation, then let them believe whatever the hell they want because it will spare your sanity.
If you're still need help with this, revisit the chapter about picking your battles.
