The Value of a Strong Community– and Pets
In our lives, we form ties with family members; gain and lose friends; develop professional (work) relationships; feel part of cultural, social, and other groups; etc. In some way, each of these entities is part of our own “community.”
Yet, today, I focus more on this way of viewing the concept of community. As Fabian Pfortmüller, a self- described community builder, puts it:
A community is agroupofpeoplethat careabout each other and feel they belong together. 10
And it is this concept of community that has assisted me in my journey. Although I am a pretty determined and self-motivated person, I know I wouldn’t have fared as well as I have as a cancer survivor without the constant, humane, loving, caring, and nurturing support—as well as the understanding of everyone in my own personal community. At no time in my life has the phrase “no man is an island” been more true.
It may be hard for you to believe that I am a very private individual when it comes to all aspects of my personal life. After all, here I am opening myself up in a way that I never would have dreamed of before. But my community helped to show me how cathartic it could be to share my getting pancreatic cancer and recovering from it with other people outside of the community. I’d like to think that in this intense situation I finally realized the true value of communication and sharing. It is only by letting others in that they may help us in our journey.
I also learned much more about how not to be so judgmental of others (and myself, too). We all approach good times and bad, adrenaline rushes, fear, thoughts of our own mortality, etc. in much different ways. It took me a while, but I finally got it that some of my friends did not want to think about the “C” word, and therefore they avoided me.
This gave me greater thankfulness for those who were there with me through the toughest parts of my journey. It must have been hard for them to see me looking like a skeleton (due to my huge weight loss) along with limited mobility and a variety of post-surgery side effects. They never turned away. They were my knights (of both genders) in shining armor.
These are vital socialization observations from “Life After Cancer Treatment: Social and Work Relationships” by Journeyforward.org. Keep them in mind when you interact with others—regardless of your role (survivor, caregiver, etc.):
Having cancer can change relationships with the people in your life. It's normal to notice changes in the way you relate to family, friends, and other peoplethat you are around every day. And the way they relate to you. When treatment ends, families are often not prepared for the fact that recovery takes time. In general, your recovery will take much longer than your treatment did. Survivors often say that they didn't realize the time it took to recover. This can cause disappointment, worry, and frustration for everyone. Families also may not realize thatthe way theirfamily worksmayhave changedpermanentlyas a result of cancer. They may need help to deal with the changes and keep the "new" family strong.
Most cancer survivors who are physically able to work do go back to their jobs. This can help them feelthey are gettingbacktothe life theyhad before beingdiagnosedwithcancer. Whether returning to their old jobs or beginning new ones, some survivors are treated unfairly when they return to the workplace. Employers and employees may have doubts about cancer survivors’ ability towork.
Some friends, coworkers, and othersmaybea huge sourceofsupport, while others may bea source of anger orfrustration. Some peoplemean well, butdo not know what to say. Maybe they don't know howto offer support. Others don't want to deal with your cancer. If friends and coworkers seem unsupportive, it could be because they are anxious for you or for themselves. Your cancer experience may threaten them because it reminds them that cancer can happen to anyone. Trytounderstandtheirfears and be patient as you tryto regain agood relationship. 11
That is why interacting with other cancer patients and survivors can be so rewarding. This sub-group of our community can provide the empathy that some others cannot. More on this at the end of the book, in the chapter on resources.
In the U.S. alone, people share their lives with tens of millions of dogs (in 49 million households) and tens of millions of cats (in 35 million households)—as reported by the American Veterinary Medicine Association. We love our pets; and they love us in return.
Before getting to my personal pet story, let’s consider how vital pets are to our psychological and physical health. Over the past several years, we have witnessed the growth in companion pets. Although some individuals may stretch the rules in getting their “companion” pets onto planes and into other venues, the basic premise is sound: Pets can be soothing and calming.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says:
Studies show that the bond between people and their pets can increase fitness, lower stress, and bring happinesstotheirowners. Some healthbenefits of havingapet include: Decreased bloodpressure. Decreased cholesterol. Decreased triglycerides. Decreased feelings of loneliness. Increased opportunities for exercise and outdoor activities. Increased opportunities for socialization. 12
A great example of the value of pets involves military veterans who are suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome after returning home. There are several non- profits that help to enrich the lives of those veterans, including Companions for Heroes, Pets for Veterans, and America’s Vets Dogs. The dogs are well-trained and help vets to reduce stress.
Linda and I are both cat lovers, and we have shared our home with many cats over the years. Yes, cats can be affectionate and intuitive. One cat, Tucker, will sit in my lap all day in my home office and then lie on me for hours when I’m on the couch in the den.
When I returned home after my Whipple surgery, our four cats all KNEW that I was sick. They lay in bed with me 24/7 and often cuddled next to me. They constantly nuzzled my hands and legs. Their attention required no effort on my part. And it was crucial early in my recovery.
We’ve lost a couple of our cats since 2015. Each time that happens, we miss them tremendously. After all, they were part of the family. Pet lovers will understand this. Others will not.