Tips from My Personal Journey
As mentioned at the beginning of this book, I am not a physician or any other kind of health care provider. I am a cancer survivor who wants to assist others by discussing my own experiences in surviving cancer and embracing life. The book reports my self-journey as a very lucky person who has lived a good life after getting a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.
I have tried to be as open and forthcoming as possible. Material is included that was painful to write about. But I have also sought to lighten the mood with some funny anecdotes. From my perspective, I remain the luckiest man in the world. I am incredibly blessed!!! Here I am today, more than five-and-a-half years after my Whipple surgery, as well as enduring other physical ailments.
The following tips are mine alone. They have worked for me. Hopefully, some will work for you. Yet, each of us must find and follow our own path along the many roads comprising our journey.
Note: Although these tips have benefited me, they may not benefit you. Again, please understand that these are my own personal insights.
The tips are in no particular order. I have found them all to be vital:
- Love is a cornerstone feeling for most of us. Strong reciprocal love can help us to deal with a lot of adversity that we didn’t think we could handle. Love someone each day, and show them that you do. My family members help inspire me through their love. I want to inspire them, too, through my love of them.
- Live life every day. That doesn’t mean we should not plan for the future or that we not look forward to it. What it does mean is that we should make sure not to always rush ahead. Life goes quickly enough anyway. Make each day count. Then, a string of great days can take place.
- Be the best you can be. But don’t be too hard on yourself or on others. Over the years, there have been too many times in which I did not give myself a break. Being a perfectionist can sometimes be a heavy burden.
- Life is too short for us to hold on to grudges. We must really learn to keep things in the proper perspective. Words and actions may sometimes be rather hurtful to us. However, we need to be reasonable in the ways that we respond to them. Over the years, I have learned this lesson the hard way.
- See your doctors regularly and get tested for a range of possible disorders at least once a year. Please do not avoid going to the doctor because you fear what he or she may have to say. A late diagnosis is probably the leading reason why so many people have poorer prognoses than they would with an earlier diagnosis. Be smart. It may save your life.
- Not only see your doctors, but listen to them as well. Do not view the doctors’ treatment plans as merely their suggestions that are okay for you to ignore. Even though I found chemotherapy to be quite debilitating, I never thought of skipping this step. Enduring chemo, just like having the Whipple surgery itself, has prolonged my life and enhanced the quality of it.
- If you feel anxious or stressed out, have trouble sleeping, get panic attacks, etc., think about seeing a mental health professional. I mentioned earlier, that it took me quite a while to realize that a strong person seeks out a therapist, accepts that medication may be beneficial, and keeps on going to therapy. Yet again, I know that this approach is not for everyone. But it has been quite effective for a lifelong skeptic of therapy and medications for psychological issues.
- For the reasons previously discussed, exercise on a regular basis. Find out what activities you are capable of doing, and which of those you would enjoy doing. Example: When I ride the exercise bike in my basement, it is very boring to me. I try to read, but after a while, my eyes bother me. On the other hand, when I go to the gym, I enjoy the exercise bike. Why? I can watch TV and set the type of program (such as cardio) I use. It’s also nice to talk to other people. If you are like me, you will need to put exercise “dates” into your calendar so you don’t skip exercise days. Now, I love my brisk walks every other day. They invigorate me.
- Choose to be happy. As often as possible, think positive thoughts and reflect back on the past events that you enjoyed. Set reasonable goals. It’s not always easy to be happy. But setting this as a vital goal was (is) a must for me.
- A lot of today’s younger people have a better perspective on the work-life balance than my cohort of baby boomers. Until a few years before I got cancer, I was a true workaholic. I had so many things to achieve that I didn’t realize what I was missing. Work, work, work, work made Joel a “successful” person but often a sad person too. Only after my Whipple surgery did I truly grasp that I should have wanted to work to live rather than live to work. Since we can’t change the past, I am now very committed to having more joy in my life. It’s been working [pun intended].
- DO NOT go crazy on social media to find out about your ailment. Be especially selective with YouTube. Why? In my case, as a person with pancreatic cancer, there was virtually no positive information online. Yet, I kept viewing and reading. It was like an addiction, as social media use is for many people. Why did I torture myself the week before surgery by reading over and over about the high fatality rates with pancreatic cancer? Why did I visit discussion groups where people with pancreatic cancer shared their personal experiences, almost all of them bad and depressing? Why did I watch the highlights of the gruesome Whipple surgery on YouTube? Please be smarter than me.
- Screen your doctors. Find the one(s) who are right for you. We need knowledgeable, skilled doctors who are also COMPASSIONATE and patient- centered. I still remember the bad experience I had when interviewing oncologists. Nonetheless, every member of my actual medical team has been terrific. They met all of these criteria. And they explained everything to me and welcomed my questions and requests.
- Be aware that your pre-surgery feelings may be quite different than your post-surgery feelings. For me, the pre-surgery period was one of uncertainty and anxiety. I just wanted to get everything over and done. I was quite antsy in the couple of days preceding the surgery. Post-surgery, my biggest concern dealt with the quality of my future life. What would be my new normal?
- We need to be realistic about our recovery period. What activities will we be able to do? And how long will it take for us to be ready to engage in those activities? I mentioned earlier that I was quite disappointed that I could not return to teaching at Hofstra when I expected to go back. In retrospect, I was too hard on myself and hadn’t adequately prepared for any possible setbacks. The world did not end when I had to wait a semester to return to teaching. I even got myself to think about the upside of that disappointment: It gave me more time to improve my physical condition. This turned out to be a real plus.
- Since there are many times post-illness during which we are or will be alone in our personal journeys, we do need a strategy to feel our best on those occasions. This may involve reading of various kinds, doing Sudoku or crossword puzzles, surfing the Web, text messaging, exercising, etc. Do what is best for you. But do not ignore this situation. As motivation speaker and author Wayne Dyer has said: “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.” 31
- Meditation can be extremely helpful, if we strip away its past connotations as merely a religious rite. Defined broadly, “Meditation is a typically self- directed practice for relaxing the body and calming the mind.” 32 Meditation does not require attending classes. It may entail listening to relaxing podcasts, taking more deep breaths, thinking about things that make us happy (rather than unhappy), and otherwise getting our minds off the every day stressors. Each day, we must give ourselves some time to “chill out” or decompress from life’s events. According to the psychological point of view:
Meditation is the practice of turning your attention to a single point of reference. It can involve focusing on the breath, on bodily sensations, or on a word or phrase known as a mantra. In other words, meditation means turning your attention away from distracting thoughts and focusing on the present moment. 32
- Along with (or instead of) meditation, do not underestimate the power of the right music to put you in a better frame of mind. It can be classical music, meditation-style melodies, or any other type of music that relaxes you. For me, it’s not just the melody that resonates, but also (maybe more importantly) the lyrics. These are just a few songs that motivate me: “Forever Young,” “On a Clear Day (You Can See Forever,)” “Here Comes the Sun,” “Glory Days,” “Time in a Bottle,” “Beautiful,” “With a Little Help from My Friends,” “The Best Is Yet to Come,” “We May Never Pass This Way Again,” “Just the Way You Are,” “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” “Unforgettable,” and “What Can of Fool Am I?” Whatsongs put YOU in a better frame of mind?
- Strive for a positive self-image during and after your major illness. Regardless of the extent of your own physical issues, you are still you, which is a great person!!! Also, try very hard not to make assumptions as to how others will view you after your illness. Most people you know will be glad to see you and want to be supportive. Fewer people will not be considerate—and we don’t need them to bring us down.
- Finally, casting a wide net for people with whom to interact will be a treasure for you. Embrace your personal community(ies) every step of the way. That really does help!!
