From the date of my surgery until the wedding itself, my primary role was to get as healthy as possible. My major role with regard to the family was to try to be happy while I was struggling physically. Their mental anguish far exceeded my own concerns. Whereas, I knew that I was going to be at the wedding, they weren’t nearly as sure. In fact, they often felt that I was engaged in wishful thinking.
My secondary role was trying to get everyone else to be more upbeat. It took a while for me to grasp that the ill person (in this case, me) may have fewer doubts and higher aspirations than the well people who could only worry about what could be possible for me. And that must have been exacerbated by seeing see me so thin and weak, and having reactions to my chemotherapy treatments. I get it now, since I’m back to a more normal life worrying about my loved ones.
Here are a couple of quotes on the concepts of anxiety and worry among caregivers:
We all live with a certain amount of anxiety, much of which is caused by fear of the unknown. Since health issues can change without warning, caregivers, as well as the people they care for, often live with higher than normal levels of anxiety – and that anxiety can be contagious. The person being cared for picks up on the anxiety of the caregiver. His or her anxiety may stem from not knowing what is causing the person caring for them to be stressed, so they blame themselves. Or they may just absorb the feeling of general anxiety that radiates from the caregiver. [Carol Bradley Bursack on AgingCare.com] 17