When first cut adrift from Kitty, I felt disgusted with service and had a great mind not to be a maid again, because I knew I should hate waiting on any other mistress. But people who have to earn their own living cannot afford to be fanciful, and reflection soon showed me the unwisdom of throwing up in a pet a profession in which I had now acquired some little experience; so, within a couple of days after my return to London, I was once more advertising for a place as travelling-maid.
The next consideration was how I was to get myself a character, as I certainly could not apply to my late employers for one. Of course it was open to me to supply myself with it in the same way I had done before; but though I had then thought it a good joke and laughed at the deception I practised, yet somehow I did not find myself taking to the idea nearly as kindly now. I had been in the habit of making fools of people for the mere fun of the thing, and had regarded a falsehood much as the historian Green says that Queen Elizabeth did, i.e. as an intellectual means of meeting a difficulty. But my views seemed to have undergone an alteration of late, and I was conscious of a certain amount of repugnance for what was untrue, which perhaps showed that my intercourse with Kitty had had some effect in educating my conscience, and that I had imbibed something of her contempt for lies. Therefore I hesitated about writing a false character; and no doubt my scruples were all the more lively in consequence of my recent detection and narrow escape of prosecution for forgery; for I had a horror of going to prison.
Consider as I might, however, I could see no honest way out of the difficulty. A character I must have, as without one I had no chance of a situation, and without a situation I should starve. And as I had no one to give me a character, I was bound to give it myself. So—with a sigh for my own roguery—I took a pen and indited an epistle, highly recommending Caroline Jill, from a lady with whom she had lived two years and eight months, and who, before departing for the Cape (where she did not want to be accompanied by a maid) had written this character for the aforesaid Jill. I flatter myself it was an artistic composition, decidedly complimentary, and yet not ascribing to me such perfection as might arouse suspicion by its incompatibility with the frailty of human nature.
After waiting for two or three weeks without receiving a single answer to my advertisement, and searching the papers diligently during that time without discovering any place advertised of the kind that I wanted, I came to the conclusion that travelling-maids were at a discount just at present. Living in lodgings and earning nothing was too expensive a process to be continued long, so it seemed to me that I had better alter my plans, and try and be something which was not at a discount. Should I go in for being a shopwoman? But that was a monotonous existence, I thought, with not enough chance of variety and amusement to suit me. And then it struck me that I might let my talents as courier-maid lie idle for a while, and try for an ordinary lady's-maid's situation. I knew that my lack of dressmaking knowledge was much against that scheme; but still I might have the luck to meet with one of those ladies who always have their dresses made out. At any rate I determined to make the attempt.
As soon as possible next morning I procured one or two newspapers, copied the addresses of as many advertisers for ladies-maids as I should be able to go and see in the day, and set off to call upon these ladies. At every place, however, I found that dressmaking was an indispensable qualification, and I returned to my lodgings weary and unsuccessful. Next day I repeated the process with no better result; and on the third day also it was just the same story over again. Wherever I went there was a universal demand for dressmaking on the part of the maid; and I began to wonder if, in all England, there existed such a person as a struggling dressmaker; and if so, why she did not instantly take to lady's-maiding.
Though discouraged by these repeated failures, I thought I would still persevere a little longer before giving up, and accordingly started on a fourth day's round as before. In the course of them I came to the house of a Mrs. Torwood, who lived in Chester Square. My ring at her bell was not answered for several minutes, and I was thinking of repeating it when a noise something like a miniature steam-engine approaching from within the house made me pause to see what was coming. Directly afterwards the door was opened, and I perceived that the pulling and blowing I had heard proceeded from a fat, apoplectic-looking man-servant, to whom stairs were evidently antipathetic, and who was panting tremendously after his ascent from the inferior regions to the front-door. Being too much out of breath to waste words, he only nodded affirmatively when I inquired whether his mistress was at home and disengaged.
"Then please will you go and tell her," I said, "that I have called about the maid's place, and ask if she can see me now?"
By this time he had recovered sufficiently to be able to speak.
"Why it's hanother of 'em! Is this hever going to hend?" he groaned in a melancholy voice, when he heard what my errand was. Then, some happy thought seemed to occur to him, for his face brightened, and he muttered to himself, "But why shouldn't she and me settle it? I'll soon see if it's hany good her going further." And without stirring from the spot, or giving the slightest indication of any intention of taking my message, he addressed me thus:
"'Scuse me hasking, miss, but was your father, or hany near relative of yours, a 'untsman?"
"No," I answered, whereupon his countenance fell a little, and he resumed:
"Or a gamekeeper, p'raps?"
I repeated the negative, and he looked still more disappointed, but continued:
"No hoffence, miss, if I hasks one more question, and that is, 'ave you hever, in hany way, bin abitooally brought in contack with kennels, or packs of 'ounds?"
I shook my head; feeling not a little astonished at all this questioning.
"Hah, then there's not a ghost of a chance as you'll take the place," he exclaimed regretfully, "and you may as well say good day, for I can't in conshence hadvise you to go a wasting of your valuable time with seeing the missis! I'm sorry—very; for I'm quite sick of a hopening this old door to maids come about the sitooation, and I did 'ope as you might 'ave done, and put a bend to it. But its no use; from what you've told me, I can see plainly as you won't do."
That the man was a character was evident; but as I was getting tired of standing talking to him, and did not at all wish to receive his confidences about his employers, I politely reiterated my former request that he would go and find out if his mistress would see me.
"Well; but 'aven't I just told you as it's no good?" he returned, looking at me with an air of aggrieved surprise. "When I tells you as I knows as you hain't the individooal for the place, can't you go hoff agin quietly, without a giving no more trouble? If you 'aven't no considerashin for yourself, you might 'ave some for me, and not give me all the wear and tear of toiling hup a lot of steps just for nothing."
The seriousness with which he seemed to expect that I should accept his opinion, and be satisfied to go away without having seen the lady of the house, was intensely ludicrous, and I had some difficulty in keeping my countenance.
"I am quite grieved to be so troublesome," I said, "but I have a strange fancy for always making sure for myself whether a place will suit me or not, and I'm afraid I really must ask you to be so good as to let the lady know I am here."
He did not at all resent this (to him, probably, incomprehensible) pertinacity on my part, but only put on a sort of resigned-martyr air, saying:
"Come halong then, since you hinsists hupon it. But you'll soon find as I was right, and p'raps that'll make you less hinkredulous of my words hanother time. If you honly knowed what a lot of maids I've a took hup these 'ere blessid stairs and down hagain, all for nothing! Putting a hunfair strain hupon a man's lungs, I considers it; but there!—people are so thoughtless."
He took care to reduce the strain upon his lungs to a minimum by making me accompany him as far as the first landing on the stairs, and wait there whilst he proceeded to the drawing-room. Thus, when he had ascertained that his mistress would see me, it was only necessary for him to lean over the banisters and beckon, whereby he avoided having to descend any steps to fetch me, and could wait placidly till I joined him on the first floor to be ushered into Mrs. Torwood's presence.
There were dogs dispersed about the room in all directions, and my entrance was the signal for a sudden chorus of sharp barks, which gave me some clue to a comprehension of the butler's enigmatical allusions to a kennel. It would have been impossible to hear oneself speak had the clamour continued; but it subsided as quickly as it had arisen, and, with two exceptions, the dogs took no more notice of me. One exception was a terrier, who uttered subdued yaps at intervals, as if half-ashamed of it; and the other was a collie, who thought he would like my umbrella (which I held in my hand), and who kept sidling up with an innocent air, and giving unobtrusive tugs at the coveted object from time to time, apparently in hopes of getting possession of it at some unguarded moment when I might be too much engrossed in talking to his mistress to notice his proceedings. The rest of the dogs, however, evidently thought that they had done their duty conscientiously when they had proclaimed my advent, and that there was no need to pursue the subject further. Very possibly they considered barking to be the proper canine equivalent to the human practice of announcing a visitor's name, which is only done on the visitor's entrance, and not repeated afterwards.
Mrs. Torwood looked to me pretty, elegantly dressed, and silly, and I guessed her age to be about thirty. She began by asking me my name; after I had told her that, I expected the usual queries as to qualifications would follow, and waited with dread for the mention of that abominable dressmaking which had so often been my rock ahead. But her next remark was quite unlike anything I had anticipated. She hesitated a moment, and then said:
"You see these dogs of mine? Well, I can assure you that they are the nicest, best-behaved darlings possible, and not a bit of trouble. Why any one should mind doing anything for them, I can't conceive; but so many maids do object to it, for some unaccountable reason or other, that I had better tell you at once that I expect my maid to brush and comb these dogs every morning and take them out walking, besides washing them once a week. So if you would dislike that, of course it is no use my thinking of engaging you."
Certainly this was rather a variety on the ordinary ideas of what a lady's-maid's duties would be; but as I had always been fond of animals, I did not feel averse to the notion. Still, as Mrs. Torwood evidently thought it likely that I should make difficulties about undertaking the dogs, I would not be in too great a hurry to consent, and would appear to make rather a favour of it. So I paused to consider, and then asked: "How many dogs are there to look after, m-m?"
"There are six at present," she replied; "but of course, if I were to get any new ones, you would have them also."
It flashed upon me that here was an excellent opportunity for escaping the demand for dressmaking which had hitherto been my stumbling-block at every place for which I had applied.
"I have never been expected to take care of any lower animals before," I said, speaking as like a dignified lady's-maid as I could; "still, I would not object to oblige you by doing so, provided no dressmaking is required."
"Why not?" she inquired, looking surprised.
"Because I know I should not have time for it," I answered.
"Oh, but the dogs won't take you the whole day," she returned. "I don't say you would have time for a great deal of dressmaking. But surely you might manage just a little—especially if you weren't hurried about it?"
"There will be you to wait upon, and your clothes to keep in order, m-m," said I, "and that, with washing, combing, and taking out six dogs, is quite as much as I could think of undertaking to get through in the day; because if I undertook anything more, I know I should only fail to give you satisfaction."
She hesitated. She had, however, met with so many maids who had from the first moment flatly refused to have to do with her pets, that one like me, who had no objection to them, seemed to her a rara avis. Besides, her present maid was just going away, and she was in a hurry to secure another. And therefore, after a little more opposition, my firmness carried the day, and the obnoxious dressmaking was conceded. Then we discussed other details, and I had to produce the character with which I was provided. This, and the account of myself which I gave, being deemed satisfactory, the interview terminated in my engagement as her maid—upon which office I was to enter in another three days.
She rang the bell when I left the room, and in the hall I found the fat butler waiting to see that I left the premises without committing any depredations on the plate or other portable property.
"Well; so now you knows as I was right, I s'pose, and that you might as well 'ave gone away at once when I told you," he observed.
"Not exactly," I returned, "seeing that I have taken the situation."
"You don't say so!" he cried joyfully, elevating his eyebrows in extreme surprise. "Thank goodness for that; and I honly 'opes as you'll keep it, so as I shan't 'ave no more worrit with maids coming about the place! What haggeravated me, you see, was knowing all the time as they was sure not to take it, and that I was just a trotting hup and down them beastly old stairs, all for nothing. A man doesn't like to think as he's being sackerificed in vain; and that there's no hobjeck in heggsershuns sitch as may land him in a consumpshun or a hastma."
"But you made sure once too often," I said, laughing; "you declared that it was no use showing me upstairs, and yet you were wrong, you see."
"Not a bit of it," he retorted severely; "no young 'ooman need think as she'll make me out wrong so heasy as all that. Did you never 'ear tell of the eggsepshun as proves the rule? Because that's what you are, let me tell you; and I doesn't form my judgment by eggsepshuns but by rules! Precious slow those eggsepshuns are in showing theirselves, too, sometimes. I've known one keep a man waiting till he's just wore out, instead of 'urrying to the fore sharp when 'twas wanted, as it might 'a done."
Having thus refuted the charge of error, and given me a pretty broad hint that I—by not making my appearance on the scene sooner—had incurred the responsibility of his numerous needless journeys up and downstairs on behalf of aspirant maids, he relaxed his severity, and bid me good-bye with a graciousness which showed he bore no malice for the injuries I had done him.
I returned his farewell civilly, little dreaming that this man would ever give me a means of annoying my hated step-mother; then I went straight to buy a dog-whistle, which seemed to me a most essential article for Mrs. Torwood's maid to possess.
It was on that same day, I remember, that the papers announced the engagement of the Hon. K. Mervyn to Lord Clement. I had not expected it to come quite so soon, but otherwise was not at all surprised; for I had never doubted that the Earl's chance of winning her would go up as soon as Captain Norroy was out of the question.