September 1492
Elena and Antonio sat in the courtyard of their parents’
home, on a beautiful late summer day. What they were discussing was far from pleasant. While the rest of the family took their normal siesta, they had used the excuse that they were too warm to stay in their rooms, meeting in the courtyard to discuss the dilemma that confronted them. Or more accurately, confronted Elena. The union of two human beings in the throes of heated passion had accomplished the usual result. Elena had missed her last menstrual cycle, and was sure she was pregnant.
As she tried to explain this to Antonio, her patience was wearing thin. He was either not able to face the reality or simply could not understand the functioning of a woman’s body.
“I do not understand, Elena, women go through this…this cycle all the time, why is it a problem?”
“Oh, Dios mío, Antonio,” Elena impatiently cried. “The problem is, I am with child! What am I going to do! How will I explain to Mother, Father?”
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Antonio, shocked thoroughly, began to fume. “With child!
No! It cannot be…you must never tell them any of this. No one must ever know! Let me think, Elena, yes! You will go away, the child will be born…somewhere. Then you will give it up. All done in utmost secrecy, no one must ever find out you have given birth to a bastard child.”
As he spoke, Antonio paced around the courtyard, venting the anger that was building in him. He had promised himself and her, to do everything in his power to prevent any shame or blemish being associated with the San Miguel name.
But as the reality of the situation began to dawn on him, the anger and frustration with his sister began to cloud his thinking.
He continued pacing, but was silent for quite awhile.
Deep in his own thoughts concerning Elena’s pregnancy, how they would affect himself, and his parents, he was aroused from his reverie by Elena’s voice saying, almost as if she had read his mind, “Antonio, stop your pacing, I know what I must do, don’t concern yourself. I will need your help solely to get me to Cordoba, to the convent of Santa Maria de Los Ninos. Once there, the Mother Superior will help me, I know she will. And, Antonio, I don’t intend to give up my child.”
Shocked by her reply, he could only stare at her in disbelief.
“Are you mad, out of your mind? What excuse could you possibly give to Mother and Father for leaving your home, your family.”
Speaking rapidly, yet composed, Elena replied, “Calm yourself, Antonio. The reasons I would give are not far from the truth and will be acceptable to our parents, I’m sure.”
Antonio, not sure at all, responded, “Come to your senses, Elena, whatever you tell them, they will never believe, it will not work.”
“Wait, Antonio, listen to what I have to say before you judge whether it will work or not. I don’t intend to tell them anything about my condition. Only that I’m entering the convent to meditate and ease my mind over the loss of the only man I have 111
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ever loved. Probably the truest words I speak in this entire wretched affair. I’ll tell them I need time to think about a decision I will make at some future date. Possibly taking my vows as a nun, to serve God in a proper Christian way. A decision I’m sure will please both of them. Once my child is born, I will remain in Cordoba, at the convent, where I will raise the child, if the Mother Superior allows it. I can learn to cook or clean. Do whatever is necessary to provide for the both of us.
Mother and Father only need to know that I am at the convent and do not want any visitors. In time, I will tell them the truth.
If they still wish to see me…and their grandchild then I would be most happy to welcome them.”
Antonio stared at his sister for a moment, then throwing his hands up in despair, muttered, “When will you tell Mother and Father that you are leaving for Cordoba?”
“Tonight at the evening meal, and, Antonio, I intend to leave within a week.”
* * *
Elena waited until her father had poured the dessert port, and leaned back in contentment. A sign that that he found the evening meal to his liking, and an indication, she was sure, would make him more receptive to the plan she was about to divulge.With a nod of her head in Antonio’s direction and a tiny cough, Elena indicated to him that he should begin. Taking a deep breath, Antonio began addressing his parents. “Father, Mother, Elena has asked me to inform you regarding her plans to enter the convent of—”
“What did you say?” Don Fernando roared interrupting Antonio. “Convent, what are you talking about, Antonio, have you had too much wine tonight? Elena, what is he going on about?”
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As usual, her father ignored his son and spoke directly to Elena.
“Father, please listen to him. What he has to say is very important to me.”
Noting the somber look in her eyes and the sadness of her voice, Don Fernando bid his son to continue, listening intently.
Antonio, speaking as forcefully, and clearly as he could, outlined Elena’s plans.
Don Fernando, unable to speak after Antonio had finished, sat silent and pensive for some time. When he finally spoke, it was in a subdued and emotional voice. “Cara mia, Elena, I am overwhelmed by your request. For you to want to take your vows, to serve God, to become a true part of the church…it is wonderful. I’m sure Monsignor Abate could be most helpful in this matter.”
Fearful at the mention of Monsignor Abate, she quickly answered, “No, Father, he would only complicate things, I must have time to meditate. To rid myself of all memories of the only man I truly loved. Once my mind is clear, and the pain of Joshua’s leaving is really gone. Then I will make my decisions.
Ones that are best for me. If I decide to choose the nun’s life, it will be my choice, a choice influenced by no one else.”
Donna Isabella was the first to break the uneasy silence that ensued. “Why do you want to throw your life away for that Marrano. There are many desirable matches for you. True gentlemen, Hidalgos from fine families.”
Elena, angered at her mother’s use of the disparaging term for converted Jews, quietly answered, “Do not ever use that word in my presence again, Mother.”
Calming herself, Elena again explained again why she felt she must leave for the convent. Finally blurting out that she intended to leave within a week.
Noting her strong feelings on the matter, and knowing his daughter well, Don Fernando agreed to her leaving. The only 113
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condition being that Antonio should accompany her to the convent and make sure she was properly settled.
Donna Isabella chose to keep to herself, a tiny suspicion, rapidly growing.
Elena’s emotional response to Joshua’s leaving, was only one event, in a number of events she could not, or would not, have the strength to face.
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