CONTINUATION OF THE SAME SUBJECT.
“Observe the just gradation of degree.”
The carriage of a woman to her equals being founded on a just appreciation of their merits, and a proper respect to herself, the same sentiment will be found to pervade her conduct to her superiors in rank.
With regard to men, when they occupy a higher station than herself, she must proportion reverential courtesy to them, according to the rules of court ceremony. If she knows them merely as officers high in authority under the king, or as nobles distinguished by their honors, her manner must then be of calm, dignified respect. But when she finds that merit is yet higher in any of these men than his titles, then, let her show the homage of the soul, as well as that of the body; for real greatness ennobles the head which bows.
With regard to her own sex, the same rule must be observed. There are certain regulations in society which are called Laws of Precedence. They are of as much use in maintaining a due and harmonious order amongst civilized men and women, as the law of attraction is to preserve the heavenly bodies in their proper orbits. As one star differs from another in magnitude and splendor, in proportion to the destiny it hath to fulfil; so do the talents and degrees of men vary according to the allotted duties they have to perform. Hence, as in astronomy, we think not of despising Mercury, because he is not as large as Saturn, nor of speaking of our own Earth as a planet of no account, because she has not four moons like Jupiter; so, by parity of reasoning, we do not esteem our inferiors or equals the less, because they do not fill the first orders in society. All ranks have their proper place, the station in which they can be the most useful; and it is in proportion as they perform their respective duties, that we must respect the individuals.
We, therefore, regard society as a grand machine, in which each member has the place best fitted for him; or, to make use of a more common illustration, as a vast drama, in which every person has the part allotted to him most appropriate to his abilities. One enacts the King, others the Lords, others the Commons; but all obey the Great Director, who best knows what is in man. Regarding things in this light, all arrogance, all pride, all envyings and contempt of others, from their relative degrees, disappear, as emotions to which we have no pretensions. We neither endowed ourselves with high birth or eminent talents. We are altogether beings of a creation independent of our own will; and, therefore, bearing our own honors as a gift, not as a right, we should condescend to our inferiors, (whose place it might have been our lot to fill,) and regard with deference our superiors, whom Heaven, by so elevating, has intended that we should respect.
This sentiment of order in the mind, this conviction of the beautiful harmony in a well-organized civil society, gives us dignity with our inferiors, without alloying it with the smallest particle of pride; by keeping them at a due distance, we merely maintain ourselves and them in the rank in which a higher Power has placed us; and the condescension of our general manners to them, and our kindness in their exigencies, and generous approbation of their worth, are sufficient acknowledgments of sympathy, to show that we avow the same nature with themselves, the same origin, the same probation, the same end.
Our demeanor with our equals is more a matter of policy. To be indiscreetly familiar, to allow of liberties being taken with your good-nature; all this is likely to happen with people of the same rank with ourselves, unless we hold our mere acquaintance at a proper distance, by a certain reserve. A woman may be gay, ingenuous, perfectly amiable to her associates, and yet reserved. Avoid all sudden intimacies, all needless secret-telling, all closeting about nonsense, caballing, taking mutual liberties with each other in regard to domestic arrangements; in short, beware of familiarity! The kind of familiarity which is common in families, and amongst women of the same classes in society, is that of an indiscriminate gossiping; an interchange of thoughts without any effusion of the heart. Then an unceremonious way of reproaching each other, for a real or supposed neglect; a coarse manner of declaring your faults; a habit of jangling on trifles; a habit of preferring your own whims or ease before that of the persons about you; an indelicate way of breaking into each other’s privacy. In short, doing everything that declares the total oblivion of all politeness and decent manners.
This series of errors happens every day amongst brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, and female acquaintances: and what are the consequences? Distaste, disgust, everlasting quarrels, and perhaps total rupture in the end!
I have seen many families bound together by the tenderest affection; I have seen many hearts wrought into each other by the sweet amalgamation of friendship; but with none did I ever find this delicious foretaste of the society in Elysium, where a never-failing politeness was not mingled in all their thoughts, words, and actions, to each other.
Deportment to superiors must ever carry with it that peculiar degree of ceremony which their rank demands. No intimacy of intercourse with them, no friendship and affection from them, ought ever to make us forget the certain respect which their stations require. Thus, for a mere gentlewoman to think of arrogating to herself the same homage of courtesy that is paid to a lady of quality, or to deny the just tribute of precedence, in every respect, to that lady, would be as absurd as presumptuous. Yet we see it; and ridicule, from the higher circles, is all she derives from her vain pretensions. By the same rule, every woman of rank must yield due courtesy to those above her, in the just gradation, according to their elevation in the scale of nobility. The law of courts on this subject is soon understood, and, as a guide to my young readers, who may not yet have been sufficiently informed, I shall, beneath, give them a list of female titles, according to their precedence in the march of hereditary and other honors. I shall begin with the highest rank, as it is that which, in all public processions, or in private parties, has the right of standing or moving first.
As the crown of the whole, I set down a Queen. Then Princesses. Then follow, in regular order, Duchesses, Marchionesses, Countesses. The Wives of the eldest sons of Marquisses. The Wives of the younger sons of Dukes. Daughters of Dukes. Daughters of Marquisses. Viscountesses. Wives of the Eldest sons of Earls. Daughters of Earls. Wives of the younger sons of Marquisses. Baronesses. Wives of the eldest sons of Viscounts. Daughters of Viscounts. Wives of the younger sons of Earls. Wives of the eldest sons of Barons. Daughters of Barons. Wives of the younger sons of Viscounts. Wives of the younger sons of Barons. Wives of Baronets. Wives of Privy Counsellors. Commoners. Wives of Judges. Wives of Knights of the Garter. Wives of Knights of the Bath. Wives of Knights of the Thistle. Wives of Knights Bachelors. Wives of Generals. Wives of Admirals. Wives of the eldest sons of Baronets. Daughters of Knights, according to their fathers’ precedence. Wives of the younger sons of Baronets. Wives of Esquires and Gentlemen. Daughters of Esquires and Gentlemen. Wives of Citizens and Burgesses. The Wives of Military and Naval Officers of course take precedence of each other in correspondence with the rank of their husbands.
This scale, if every young lady would bear in mind and conform to it, is a sufficient guide to the mere ceremony of precedence; and would effectually prevent those dangerous disputes in ball-rooms about places, and those rude jostlings in going in and out of assemblies, which are not more disagreeable than ill-bred. It is the perfection of fine breeding to know your place, to be acquainted with that of others; and to fall gracefully into your station accordingly. While the gentlewoman is content to move in the train of female honors, the dignified decorum of step forms one graceful link in the chain of society; but if she struggles to get before, strikes one to her right, and the other to her left; treads down alike her equals and her superiors, in her eagerness for pre-eminence; we fly from the shrew, and declare her unworthy of fellowship with any class of well-ordered females.
The deference we pay to superiors, our inferiors will refund to us; and therefore, if we wish to maintain “that proud submission, that dignified obedience,” which binds the subject, through various gradations, to the sovereign, we must teach our untractable spirits to bend to the cogent reasons and salutary ordinances of high authority.
Women in every country have a greater influence than men choose to confess.
“Men’s earliest words are taught them from her lips.”
Though haughtiness of mind will not allow them always to acknowledge the truth, yet we see the proof in its effects; and, in consequence, must exhort women, by yielding their deference to the laws of honorary precedence, to teach men to obey them; and rather to emulate such distinctions, than seek to pull down the possessors to the level of the common herd.