The Retro Express

The Retro Express

Author:

Downloads: 11927

Visits: 2

Pages: 39

Published: 15 years ago

Rating: Rated: 13 times

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Book Description HTML

Painless history aboard an Imaginary train that goes into the past. It gives older people something to talk about and remember, and informs young minds.

Reader Reviews
  • User image   Nigel Gillson
    04 Dec 2014
    D.W. St. John, it took me a long time to figure out what you were saying, but I wanted to let you know that I have taken what you have said under consideration - I have written another two stories purposely focusing NOT on including this authorial intrusion. One day I will get them on here. Just need to recover fully and of course EDIT them!
    Reply
  • User image   Nigel Gillson
    04 Dec 2014
    Thank you so much for your feedback. I do definitely intend of editing and indeed fleshing out some parts and altering others somewhat. unfortunately a little think like a head injury has got in the way. I am slowly getting back to full health but writing has had to be put on a back burner for now - sadly...
    Reply
  • User image   Jody Grey
    18 Jan 2014
    Alright as a quick read on your break :-)
    Reply
  • User image   penny wal
    04 May 2013
    It needs to be edited so the reader is not rereading the same thing over again. Otherwise a great book.
    Reply
  • User image   Jana
    29 Oct 2012
    There is a kernal of a good story here, but editing for technical difficulties is the first order of work. Be meticulous here because consistant errors are extremely irritating to a reader. My next suggestion is that the author needs to incorporate plot subtlety and more characterization. It is always helpful to ask yourself "why" a character is saying or thinking what he or she is sayiug or thinking. Don't forget the big picture. Get that down first before zooming in on details individual parts of the plot. And as you go, edit, edit, edit. :) Hope to see this story re-vamped.
    Reply
  • User image   D.W.St.John
    04 Sep 2011
    This author is trying to tell a good story but the problem is, his authorial intrusions keep getting in the way. Not a single line of dialog or exposition is ever presented without this meddling author telling the reader more than the reader needs... or wants... to know. If the writer had just told this story without over telling it, it might have been worth reading, but then, that requires studying the craft of writing, and few writers bother these days. So, if you like being hovered over as you read and having every emotion, every word, every action explained and interpreted for you, without ever being able to feel anything for yourself, then this will be your cup of tea.
    Reply
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