“What’s your body count?”
Who said it? A serial killer or superficial people who think how many people one has slept with determines the value of said person?
I like to call the discussion of “body counts” mathematics for misogynists because typically, talks about having a cap on “body counts” are targeted towards women. “Body counts” are another tool used to police women’s sexual agency. Again, the “body count” discussion reinforces the belief that women’s bodies are objects and the more they are “used”, for lack of better words, the more their value as a woman depreciates.
We place a woman’s value on the most shallow things. A woman’s “body count” does not determine the standing of her morality. A woman could have a “body count” of one and still mistreat others. A woman could have a “body count” that’s in the double digits and treat others with care and respect. The issue is we don’t even judge a woman by how she treats others--something of substance and actually pertains to us--but by the measurement of how sheathed in clothes her body is or by how many people she has slept with.
I have even heard men break up with girlfriends they were in love with because they heard her “body count” was high. I find that truly amazing. You cared and loved for this girl but because she’s had more partners--from the past--than you would like, that’s reason enough to break up with her? To me, sounds like you didn’t truly love her to begin with.
A woman’s “body count” does not matter. Many will argue that it does but their reasonings are simply rooted in misogyny. A woman’s “body count” or whatever activity she does in the bedroom is not of our concern. It is no one’s business. It is also not something you should hold against a woman seeing as it has nothing to do with you--even if you are sleeping with her.
I always say, the only information one is entitled to know when considering becoming intimate with someone is that person’s sex health. If someone has had a sexually transmitted infection, that’s something that can affect you, your body, and your health. That actually is your business if you both plan on engaging in consensual sexual activity. Someone’s “body count” on the other hand? Why is that necessary to know? How does that impact anyone in anyway?
Many will argue and say that women should not have a “high body count” because women’s vaginas supposedly “stretch” from having too much sex. Well, for one, this is cissexist. Meaning that it ignores that there are women who do not have vaginas and non-binary/non-conforming people who do have vaginas. Second, this is proven to be biologically inaccurate.
Vaginas do not “stretch” from too much sex. A vagina is a muscle. What muscle do you know “stretches” out from being exercised too much? If vaginas stretch out from too much sex then does that mean that a woman who regularly has sex with the same guy have a stretched vagina too? Vaginas have the elasticity to stretch out babies that can weigh 5-9 pounds and return to normal. Is it rational to claim that penises that are 5-9 inches long are capable of permanently stretching out a vagina? The misogynistic mathematics is not adding up, my friend.
If a vagina feels “loose” that means that the person is very aroused. When vaginas are properly aroused, they relax to prepare for penetration. If a vagina feels tight, that means the person is not aroused enough yet. It takes a vagina up to twenty minutes to be fully aroused. A person’s vagina feeling loose or tight is outside of their control. It is not determined by how many people that person has had sex with.
Some will argue that a woman shouldn’t just “give it up to anybody” because apparently you exchange or tie souls when you have sex. The important aspect of sex positivity is that sex means different things to different people. As long as someone’s relationship to sex isn’t harmful to others or themselves, there’s nothing wrong with it. If a woman wants to believe sex is just a casual thing for her, she has a right to see it that way. If a woman thinks sex is this emotional exchanging of souls, she also has a right to believe that as well. What people don’t have the right to do is judge women for seeing sex differently than from what they would like women to see sex as.
There really is no solid argument against why a woman’s “body count” shouldn’t be “high”--whatever that means. People’s reasonings are not only just rooted in misogyny but they’re also rooted in pure ego. A man doesn’t want a woman to have “too many” partners because then she has people to compare him to. Men thinking that a woman is reserved for them is an ego boost. To learn that you are not the only man who has been intimate with her, taints your ego.
People also use dehumanizing language such as “No one wants a woman who has been passed around” to argue why a woman should not have a “high body count.” In order to believe a woman could be “passed around”, you would first have to believe that women are objects that can be passed around in the first place. Language such as this shows how conditionally men value women. It shows how disposable people think women are. Something as superficial as “body count” can be reason enough to not see the humanity of a woman.
The idea of there being an ideal “body count” for women needs to die. It again teaches that women’s value is measured by where we fit on the “purity” scale. A woman’s “body count” does not determine her character or her morality. It just shows that she’s a sexual human being which is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a part of human nature along the spectrum of human sexuality.