Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened for him than for herself at the moment, and watched him with some anxi-
‘It’s my own Invention’
ety as he mounted again. As soon as he was comfortably in the saddle, he began once more ‘You’re my—’ but here an-After a while the noise seemed gradually to die away, till all other voice broke in ‘Ahoy! Ahoy! Check!’ and Alice looked was dead silence, and Alice lifted up her head in some alarm.
round in some surprise for the new enemy.
There was no one to be seen, and her first thought was that This time it was a White Knight. He drew up at Alice’s she must have been dreaming about the Lion and the Uni-side, and tumbled off his horse just as the Red Knight had corn and those still lying at her feet, on which she had tried done: then he got on again, and the two Knights sat and to cut the plumcake, ‘So I wasn’t dreaming, after all,’ she looked at each other for some time without speaking. Alice said to herself, ‘unless—unless we’re all part of the same looked from one to the other in some bewilderment.
dream. Only I do hope it’s my dream, and not the Red King’s!
‘She’s my prisoner, you know!’ the Red Knight said at last.
I don’t like belonging to another person’s dream,’ she went
‘Yes, but then I came and rescued her!’ the White Knight on in a rather complaining tone: ‘I’ve a great mind to go and replied.
wake him, and see what happens!’
‘Well, we must fight for her, then,’ said the Red Knight, as At this moment her thoughts were interrupted by a loud he took up his helmet (which hung from the saddle, and was shouting of ‘Ahoy! Ahoy! Check!’ and a Knight dressed in something the shape of a horse’s head), and put it on.
crimson armour came galloping down upon her, brandish-
‘You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?’ the White ing a great club. Just as he reached her, the horse stopped Knight remarked, putting on his helmet too.
suddenly: ‘You’re my prisoner!’ the Knight cried, as he
‘I always do,’ said the Red Knight, and they began banging 59
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll away at each other with such fury that Alice got behind a
‘So you will, when you’ve crossed the next brook,’ said the tree to be out of the way of the blows.
White Knight. ‘I’ll see you safe to the end of the wood—
‘I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are,’ she said to and then I must go back, you know. That’s the end of my herself, as she watched the fight, timidly peeping out from move.’
her hiding-place: ‘one Rule seems to be, that if one Knight
‘Thank you very much,’ said Alice. ‘May I help you off hits the other, he knocks him off his horse, and if he misses, with your helmet?’ It was evidently more than he could man-he tumbles off himself—and another Rule seems to be that age by himself; however, she managed to shake him out of it they hold their clubs with their arms, as if they were Punch at last.
and Judy—What a noise they make when they tumble! Just
‘Now one can breathe more easily,’ said the Knight, put-like a whole set of fire-irons falling into the fender! And how ting back his shaggy hair with both hands, and turning his quiet the horses are! They let them get on and off them just gentle face and large mild eyes to Alice. She thought she had as if they were tables!’
never seen such a strange-looking soldier in all her life.
Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, seemed He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed to fit him to be that they always fell on their heads, and the battle very badly, and he had a queer-shaped little deal box fas-ended with their both falling off in this way, side by side: tened across his shoulder, upside-down, and with the lid when they got up again, they shook hands, and then the hanging open. Alice looked at it with great curiosity.
Red Knight mounted and galloped off.
‘I see you’re admiring my little box.’ the Knight said in a
‘It was a glorious victory, wasn’t it?’ said the White Knight, friendly tone. ‘It’s my own invention—to keep clothes and as he came up panting.
sandwiches in. You see I carry it upside-down, so that the
‘I don’t know,’ Alice said doubtfully. ‘I don’t want to be rain can’t get in.’
anybody’s prisoner. I want to be a Queen.’
‘But the things can get out,’ Alice gently remarked. ‘Do 60
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll you know the lid’s open?’
‘Not very likely, perhaps,’ said the Knight: ‘but if they do
‘I didn’t know it,’ the Knight said, a shade of vexation pass-come, I don’t choose to have them running all about.’
ing over his face. ‘Then all the things much have fallen out!
‘You see,’ he went on after a pause, ‘it’s as well to be pro-And the box is no use without them.’ He unfastened it as he vided for everything. That’s the reason the horse has all those spoke, and was just going to throw it into the bushes, when anklets round his feet.’
a sudden thought seemed to strike him, and he hung it care-
‘But what are they for?’ Alice asked in a tone of great curi-fully on a tree. ‘Can you guess why I did that?’ he said to osity.
Alice.
‘To guard against the bites of sharks,’ the Knight replied.
Alice shook her head.
‘It’s an invention of my own. And now help me on. I’ll go
‘In hopes some bees may make a nest in it—then I should with you to the end of the wood—What’s the dish for?’
get the honey.’
‘It’s meant for plum-cake,’ said Alice.
‘But you’ve got a bee-hive—or something like one—fas-
‘We’d better take it with us,’ the Knight said. ‘It’ll come in tened to the saddle,’ said Alice.
handy if we find any plum-cake. Help me to get it into this
‘Yes, it’s a very good bee-hive,’ the Knight said in a discon-bag.’
tented tone, ‘one of the best kind. But not a single bee has This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held come near it yet. And the other thing is a mouse-trap. I the bag open very carefully, because the Knight was so very suppose the mice keep the bees out—or the bees keep the awkward in putting in the dish: the first two or three times mice out, I don’t know which.’
that he tried he fell in himself instead. ‘It’s rather a tight fit,
‘I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for,’ said Alice.
you see,’ he said, as they got it in a last; ‘There are so many
‘It isn’t very likely there would be any mice on the horse’s candlesticks in the bag.’ And he hung it to the saddle, which back.’
was already loaded with bunches of carrots, and fire-irons, 61
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll and many other things.
fell off in front; and whenever it went on again (which it
‘I hope you’ve got your hair well fastened on?’ he contin-generally did rather suddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise ued, as they set off.
he kept on pretty well, except that he had a habit of now and
‘Only in the usual way,’ Alice said, smiling.
then falling off sideways; and as he generally did this on the
‘That’s hardly enough,’ he said, anxiously. ‘You see the wind side on which Alice was walking, she soon found that it was is so very strong here. It’s as strong as soup.’
the best plan not to walk quite close to the horse.
‘Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being
‘I’m afraid you’ve not had much practice in riding,’ she blown off?’ Alice enquired.
ventured to say, as she was helping him up from his fifth
‘Not yet,’ said the Knight. ‘But I’ve got a plan for keeping tumble.
it from falling off.’
The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little of-
‘I should like to hear it, very much.’
fended at the remark. ‘What makes you say that?’ he asked,
‘First you take an upright stick,’ said the Knight. ‘Then as he scrambled back into the saddle, keeping hold of Alice’s you make your hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree. Now the hair with one hand, to save himself from falling over on the reason hair falls off is because it hangs down—things never other side.
fall upwards, you know. It’s a plan of my own invention.
‘Because people don’t fall off quite so often, when they’ve You may try it if you like.’
had much practice.’
It didn’t sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, and for a
‘I’ve had plenty of practice,’ the Knight said very gravely: few minutes she walked on in silence, puzzling over the idea,
‘plenty of practice!’
and every now and then stopping to help the poor Knight, Alice could think of nothing better to say than ‘Indeed?’
who certainly was not a good rider.
but she said it as heartily as she could. They went on a little Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he way in silence after this, the Knight with his eyes shut, mut-62
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll tering to himself, and Alice watching anxiously for the next
‘Does that kind go smoothly?’ the Knight asked in a tone tumble.
of great interest, clasping his arms round the horse’s neck as
‘The great art of riding,’ the Knight suddenly began in a he spoke, just in time to save himself from tumbling off loud voice, waving his right arm as he spoke, ‘is to keep—’
again.
Here the sentence ended as suddenly as it had begun, as the
‘Much more smoothly than a live horse,’ Alice said, with a Knight fell heavily on the top of his head exactly in the path little scream of laughter, in spite of all she could do to pre-where Alice was walking. She was quite frightened this time, vent it.
and said in an anxious tone, as she picked him up, ‘I hope
‘I’ll get one,’ the Knight said thoughtfully to himself. ‘One no bones are broken?’
or two—several.’
‘None to speak of,’ the Knight said, as if he didn’t mind There was a short silence after this, and then the Knight breaking two or three of them. ‘The great art of riding, as I went on again. ‘I’m a great hand at inventing things. Now, I was saying, is—to keep your balance properly. Like this, you daresay you noticed, that last time you picked me up, that I know—’
was looking rather thoughtful?’
He let go the bridle, and stretched out both his arms to
‘You were a little grave,’ said Alice.
show Alice what he meant, and this time he fell flat on his
‘Well, just then I was inventing a new way of getting over a back, right under the horse’s feet.
gate—would you like to hear it?’
‘Plenty of practice!’ he went on repeating, all the time that
‘Very much indeed,’ Alice said politely.
Alice was getting him on his feet again. ‘Plenty of practice!’
‘I’ll tell you how I came to think of it,’ said the Knight.
‘It’s too ridiculous!’ cried Alice, losing all her patience this
‘You see, I said to myself, “The only difficulty is with the time. ‘You ought to have a wooden horse on wheels, that feet: the head is high enough already.” Now, first I put my you ought!’
head on the top of the gate—then I stand on my head—
63
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll then the feet are high enough, you see—then I’m over, you in a trembling voice, ‘being on the top of his head.’
see.’
‘I had to kick him, of course,’ the Knight said, very seri-
‘Yes, I suppose you’d be over when that was done,’ Alice ously. ‘And then he took the helmet off again—but it took said thoughtfully: ‘but don’t you think it would be rather hours and hours to get me out. I was as fast as—as lightning, hard?’
you know.’
‘I haven’t tried it yet,’ the Knight said, gravely: ‘so I can’t
‘But that’s a different kind of fastness,’ Alice objected.
tell for certain—but I’m afraid it would be a little hard.’
The Knight shook his head. ‘It was all kinds of fastness He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice changed the sub-with me, I can assure you!’ he said. He raised his hands in ject hastily. ‘What a curious helmet you’ve got!’ she said cheer-some excitement as he said this, and instantly rolled out of fully. ‘Is that your invention too?’
the saddle, and fell headlong into a deep ditch.
The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet, which hung Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for him. She was from the saddle. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘but I’ve invented a better rather startled by the fall, as for some time he had kept on one than that—like a sugar loaf. When I used to wear it, if I very well, and she was afraid that he really was hurt this fell off the horse, it always touched the ground directly. So I time. However, though she could see nothing but the soles had a very little way to fall, you see—But there was the dan-of his feet, she was much relieved to hear that he was talking ger of falling into it, to be sure. That happened to me once—
on in his usual tone. ‘All kinds of fastness,’ he repeated: ‘but and the worst of it was, before I could get out again, the it was careless of him to put another man’s helmet on—with other White Knight came and put it on. He thought it was the man in it, too.’
his own helmet.’
‘How can you go on talking so quietly, head downwards?’
The knight looked so solemn about it that Alice did not Alice asked, as she dragged him out by the feet, and laid him dare to laugh. ‘I’m afraid you must have hurt him,’ she said in a heap on the bank.
64
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll The Knight looked surprised at the question. ‘What does
‘It began with blotting paper,’ the Knight answered with a it matter where my body happens to be?’ he said. ‘My mind groan.
goes on working all the same. In fact, the more head down-
‘That wouldn’t be very nice, I’m afraid—’
wards I am, the more I keep inventing new things.’
‘Not very nice alone,’ he interrupted, quite eagerly: ‘but
‘Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I ever did,’ he you’ve no idea what a difference it makes mixing it with went on after a pause, ‘was inventing a new pudding during other things—such as gunpowder and sealing-wax. And here the meat-course.’
I must leave you.’ They had just come to the end of the
‘In time to have it cooked for the next course?’ said Alice.
wood.
‘Well, not the next course,’ the Knight said in a slow thought-Alice could only look puzzled: she was thinking of the pud-ful tone: ‘no, certainly not the next course.’
ding.
‘Then it would have to be the next day. I suppose you
‘You are sad,’ the Knight said in an anxious tone: ‘let me wouldn’t have two pudding-courses in one dinner?’
sing you a song to comfort you.’
‘Well, not the next day,’ the Knight repeated as before: ‘not
‘Is it very long?’ Alice asked, for she had heard a good deal the next day. In fact,’ he went on, holding his head down, of poetry that day.
and his voice getting lower and lower, ‘I don’t believe that
‘It’s long,’ said the Knight, ‘but very, very beautiful. Every-pudding ever was cooked! In fact, I don’t believe that pud-body that hears me sing it—either it brings the tears into ding ever will be cooked! And yet it was a very clever pud-their eyes, or else—’
ding to invent.’
‘Or else what?’ said Alice, for the Knight had made a sud-
‘What did you mean it to be made of?’ Alice asked, hoping den pause.
to cheer him up, for the poor Knight seemed quite low-
‘Or else it doesn’t, you know. The name of the song is called spirited about it.
“Haddocks’ Eyes.”’
65
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll
‘Oh, that’s the name of the song, is it?’ Alice said, trying to bring the whole scene back again, as if it had been only yes-feel interested.
terday—the mild blue eyes and kindly smile of the Knight—
‘No, you don’t understand,’ the Knight said, looking a little the setting sun gleaming through his hair, and shining on vexed. ‘That’s what the name is called. The name really is his armour in a blaze of light that quite dazzled her—the
“The Aged Aged Man.”’
horse quietly moving about, with the reins hanging loose on
‘Then I ought to have said “That’s what the song is called”?’
his neck, cropping the grass at her feet—and the black shad-Alice corrected herself.
ows of the forest behind—all this she took in like a picture,
‘No, you oughtn’t: that’s quite another thing! The song is as, with one hand shading her eyes, she leant against a tree, called “Ways and Means”: but that’s only what it’s called, you watching the strange pair, and listening, in a half dream, to know!’
the melancholy music of the song.
‘Well, what is the song, then?’ said Alice, who was by this
‘But the tune isn’t his own invention,’ she said to herself: time completely bewildered.
‘it’s “I Give Thee All, I Can No More.”’ She stood and listened
‘I was coming to that,’ the Knight said. ‘The song really is very attentively, but no tears came into her eyes.
“A-Sitting on a Gate”: and the tune’s my own invention.’
So saying, he stopped his horse and let the reins fall on its neck: then, slowly beating time with one hand, and with a faint smile lighting up his gentle foolish face, as if he enjoyed the music of his song, he began.
Of all the strange things that Alice saw in her journey Through The Looking-Glass, this was the one that she always remembered most clearly. Years afterwards she could 66
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll
‘I’ll tell thee everything I can;
But I was thinking of a plan
There’s little to relate.
To dye one’s whiskers green,
I saw an aged aged man,
And always use so large a fan
A-sitting on a gate.
That they could not be seen.
“Who are you, aged man?” I said,
So, having no reply to give
“and how is it you live?”
To what the old man said,
And his answer trickled through my head I cried, “Come, tell me how you live!” Like water through a sieve.
And thumped him on the head.
He said “I look for butterflies
His accents mild took up the tale:
That sleep among the wheat:
He said “I go my ways,
I make them into mutton-pies,
And when I find a mountain-rill,
And sell them in the street.
I set it in a blaze;
I sell them unto men,” he said,
And thence they make a stuff they call
“Who sail on stormy seas;
Rolands’ Macassar Oil—
And that’s the way I get my bread—
Yet twopence-halfpenny is all
A trifle, if you please.”
They give me for my toil.”
67
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll But I was thinking of a way
“I sometimes dig for buttered rolls, To feed oneself on batter,
Or set limed twigs for crabs;
And so go on from day to day
I sometimes search the grassy knolls Getting a little fatter.
For wheels of Hansom-cabs.
I shook him well from side to side, And that’s the way” (he gave a wink) Until his face was blue:
“By which I get my wealth—
“Come, tell me how you live,” I cried, And very gladly will I drink
“And what it is you do!”
Your Honour’s noble health.”
He said “I hunt for haddocks’ eyes
I heard him then, for I had just
Among the heather bright,
Completed my design
And work them into waistcoat-buttons To keep the Menai bridge from rust
In the silent night.
By boiling it in wine.
And these I do not sell for gold
I thanked much for telling me
Or coin of silvery shine
The way he got his wealth,
But for a copper halfpenny,
But chiefly for his wish that he
And that will purchase nine.
Might drink my noble health.
68
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll And now, if e’er by chance I put
As the Knight sang the last words of the ballad, he gathered My fingers into glue
up the reins, and turned his horse’s head along the road by Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot
which they had come. ‘You’ve only a few yards to go,’ he Into a left-hand shoe,
said,’ down the hill and over that little brook, and then you’ll Or if I drop upon my toe
be a Queen—But you’ll stay and see me off first?’ he added A very heavy weight,
as Alice turned with an eager look in the direction to which I weep, for it reminds me so,
he pointed. ‘I shan’t be long. You’ll wait and wave your hand-Of that old man I used to know—
kerchief when I get to that turn in the road? I think it’ll encourage me, you see.’
Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow,
‘Of course I’ll wait,’ said Alice: ‘and thank you very much Whose hair was whiter than the snow, for coming so far—and for the song—I liked it very much.’
Whose face was very like a crow,
‘I hope so,’ the Knight said doubtfully: ‘but you didn’t cry With eyes, like cinders, all aglow, so much as I thought you would.’
Who seemed distracted with his woe, So they shook hands, and then the Knight rode slowly away Who rocked his body to and fro,
into the forest. ‘It won’t take long to see him off, I expect,’
And muttered mumblingly and low,
Alice said to herself, as she stood watching him. ‘There he As if his mouth were full of dough, goes! Right on his head as usual! However, he gets on again Who snorted like a buffalo—
pretty easily—that comes of having so many things hung That summer evening, long ago,
round the horse—’ So she went on talking to herself, as she A-sitting on a gate.’
watched the horse walking leisurely along the road, and the 69
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll Knight tumbling off, first on one side and then on the other.
After the fourth or fifth tumble he reached the turn, and CHAPTER IX
then she waved her handkerchief to him, and waited till he was out of sight.
Queen Alice
‘I hope it encouraged him,’ she said, as she turned to run down the hill: ‘and now for the last brook, and to be a Queen!
‘Well, this is grand!’ said Alice. ‘I never expected I should How grand it sounds!’ A very few steps brought her to the be a Queen so soon—and I’ll tell you what it is, your maj-edge of the brook. ‘The Eighth Square at last!’ she cried as esty,’ she went on in a severe tone (she was always rather she bounded across, and threw herself down to rest on a fond of scolding herself ), ‘it’ll never do for you to be lolling lawn as soft as moss, with little flower-beds dotted about it about on the grass like that! Queens have to be dignified, here and there. ‘Oh, how glad I am to get here! And what IS
you know!’
this on my head?’ she exclaimed in a tone of dismay, as she So she got up and walked about—rather stiffly just at first, put her hands up to something very heavy, and fitted tight as she was afraid that the crown might come off: but she all round her head.
comforted herself with the thought that there was nobody
‘But how can it have got there without my knowing it?’ she to see her, ‘and if I really am a Queen,’ she said as she sat said to herself, as she lifted it off, and set it on her lap to down again, ‘I shall be able to manage it quite well in time.’
make out what it could possibly be.
Everything was happening so oddly that she didn’t feel a It was a golden crown.
bit surprised at finding the Red Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, one on each side: she would have liked very much to ask them how they came there, but she feared it would not be quite civil. However, there would be no 70
Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll harm, she thought, in asking if the game was over. ‘Please, moaned, wringing her hands. ‘Oh, ever so much more than would you tell me—’ she began, looking timidly at the Red that!’
Queen.
‘So you did, you know,’ the Red Queen said to Alice. ‘Al-
‘Speak when you’re spoken to!’ The Queen sharply inter-ways speak the truth—think before you speak—and write it rupted her.
down afterwards.’
‘But if everybody obeyed that rule,’ said Alice, who was
‘I’m sure I didn’t mean—’ Alice was beginning, but the always ready for a little argument, ‘and if you only spoke Red Queen interrupted her impatiently.
when you were spoken to, and the other person always waited
‘That’s just what I complain of! You should have meant!
for you to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything, s