CHAPTER 6
The God of just about everything was watching his TV. He wasn’t sure if it was trying to evolve into something else like a sixty inch 3d plasma interactive monitor or similar. Evolution was a bother to him. It happened all the time with or without his consent or knowledge. It was the one thing that he had created that just ran amuck. It was because of time. Evolution was a by-product of time. As time ticked by, things kept changing. Mountains were worn down by wind and rain, Continents drifted about like loose canoes and things evolved, especially things that were alive.
No creatures at all were ever happy with their own lifetime. They always wanted more or longer ones. So they evolved, and the God of just about everything was powerless to stop it. It was because of time. Time just ticked away relentlessly, persistently, doggedly.
This was totally meaningless to the God of just about everything, who himself was eternal. Eternity could well do without time. It was inconsequential. Not only that but it was impossible, for instance how can you have half of eternity? So why bother with having time at all? How could you compare a second to eternity? The God of just about everything had pondered this very notion, and had come up with a formulae for time, and gravity and space, but it made his head hurt just thinking about it, so he used the paper it was written on as a post-it note. He stuck it to the everlasting fridge door and there it remains today.
Later that same day or it could have been anytime at all, the God of just about everything looked down upon the planet Anadam. Something had caught his eye. (He looked because he wanted to get his eye back) Having retrieved his eye he beheld about the world and saw strange behaviour.
It was fifty years before the present and daylight was breaking over the Pyx. (Whenever God looked into a planet the date was just pot luck; Him being eternal and all) Greebie Pigleman was a Pyxie taking care of the Gazebo and consequently the Pyx itself. Inside the Pyx was the halfshard; the second most precious artefact on the planet. The first was the Mothershard which was already in the hands of Mogodawn the Evil Dictator of the Northern Hemisphere. Greebie and all the pyxies and the Druids too had all vowed to care for the halfshard without limit of life and limb. He had vowed never to return to Kab-Ababa whilst breath remained within his lungs. He had said “As I live and breathe I shall never return to Kab-Ababa!”
He had sworn never to return even to his beloved mountains and waterfalls even though the town had changed place names in his honour. He had not so much as set foot near the Gap of Bingle. Some say that this is the very reason why he returned to the pyx after Druidship, for the Pyx is the furthest one can possible be from Kab-ababa and still remain on the Isle of Skard.
As he sat in that foggy daze which often plagues a sleepy dwelf on waking, Greebie’s mind tugged at slumber as if reluctant to wake. He swayed with heavy eyes on the edge of his bed, as he attempted to manipulate slippers onto his feet. It was an important day; today. The last meeting of the Month of Meetings was to be held, after which eight of the twelve Druids would return to their respective districts. This was then, the most important meeting of them all, for as the annual event came to a close many decisions were to be made.
Greebie sighed at the thought of it for there was one problem yet unanswered and the shadow of it cast a veil of depression over him. He slouched over his slippers with heavy shoulders and a long face that reflected concern from the length of his grey beard stubble to his pointy ears.
Just yesterday a black minstrel had dropped the paper-bag of doom on Druid Mogie’s doorstep and had sung the elegy of impending doom to him face to face. This meant that there was a contract out on the Druids life. It was fair warning and the fact that the black minstrel made it this far south sent shivers up his spine.(Also it is very cold this far south) Druid Mogie was not one to fear the black minstrels they were just messengers. The real threat was Mogodawn and it was clear to Druid Mogie that it was not Him that drew Mogodawns attention but the Halfshard. It was clear that both He and the Halfshard had to leave Skard.
So the last meeting would decide it.
The castle of Druids was a Huge but singular sandstone outcrop of rock whose exterior had been laboriously hewn to resemble a castle with battlements and a Keep and slitted windows and a drawbridge and everything in every way a perfect facsimile of a castle but it was solid rock. This was a great defence strategy as any enemy army would expend all their ferocity against nothing more than a mammoth rock. Meanwhile underground, the preferred habitat for dwelves, in great long tunnels and massive caverns, all the Druids met and lived and ate and slept in comfort and held meetings in absolute safety, with no sign above ground as to where they were.
In the main cavern, a huge cathedral tunnelled out by thousands of dwelves over centuries of time stood the dodecahedral dining table of the Twelve Druids. It was here that they gathered in meeting and planned and plotted the course of future events for the protection of each other and of course the Halfshard.
“They are coming” said Druid Ben Ufi solemnly “They are coming as surely as wind blows down the southern sea. They will be in the millions of all races of men and dwelf and dwarf and elf; gnome, troll, goblin, and orc; pyxie fairy leprechaun all. They will be every man mesmerised and in a trance of murder on war on pillage and plunder and their crusade will have no end, for even when they take their prize, they will be unable to stop the killing and slaughter as Mogodawn has hypnotized them all to fulfil his evil wish!”
“Blast Mogodawn!” cried one in disgusted response.
“Murderer!” cited another in all his hostility.
“There is no hope for the world” said Marcus Diad in a sad but angry voice.
“Don’t say that!” rebuked Druid Mogie “there is always hope even if it is hopeless. We must not give up not before we’re properly finished. Even then we can still win the day. We have something Mogodawn does not have!”
They all looked at him quizzically.
“Spirit!” he called. “We have spirit and each other. We can outwit him. Twelve brains are better than one. Come on; work with me here. We have to be leaders in this time of grave threats.”
“Leaders or no, what chance have we when the dark forces fall upon the shores of Skard in millions. There is no hope. Reality tells you the outcome will be death to all life on Skard. Death and rape and pillage and plunder!” Ben Ufi reiterated.
“I’ve got a thousand goats!” said Marcus Diad.
“That’s the spirit!” piped Mogie “all you need is a thousand riders Right?”
“No!” said Marcus “No I’m worried that I’ll have to set them free. They can run with the wild she goats over the sandstone hills of Skard. Surely Mogodawn would have no interest in them?” he asked turning questioningly toward Ben Ufi.
“Nothing is safe. Nothing is sacred to Mogodawn. He is the darkest of souls, the bringer of permanent sleep, the slayer of life the destroyer of vigilance, the fornicator of…”
“Alright; alright! We get the picture” interrupted Mogie. “I have no choice. I have to leave but I’ll take the Halfshard with me so that Mogodawn doesn’t get his dirty little hands on it. He’s got it in for me in particular, so no-one near me is safe. I’ll go and I’ll take pyxie Pigleman with me. We will travel incognito and in disguise as well, wherever possible. We will be like two pilgrims on an epic journey of meditation.” He said.
“A journey of medication?” repeated Marcus Diad quizzically.
“No! Meditation; me-di-ta-shun. You know we walk about thinking things!” answered Mogie disgruntled.
“Don’t get too carried away” added Ben Ufi. “He and his armies will still come whether you’re here or not. What are the rest of us going to do while you are tripping about on holiday with the Halfshard?
“I won’t be on holiday! I’ll be protecting the Halfshard.” Replied Mogie “Pro-tek-ting!” he emphasised.
“Enough! This is a serious matter. Let us not be at each other’s throats. The time is almost upon us and every minute counts. The eight shire Lords will need to return to their shires and begin evacuations. It would be wise to take your people back to the northern hemisphere where you will confound Mogodawn. His men will arrive here to an empty Isle.” Cited Ben Ufi. “The three remaining Druids; Chook, Master Evol and my nephew Druid Lufgi Ufi have been given top secret orders to carry out as soon as possible. Ha ha” he chuckled lightly “Mogodawn won’t be expecting this. We have heard from an unhappy Arkwright that Mogodawn had a special pedestal made for the exhibitioning of the Mainshard. The shard is always kept in the same room of the castle. Sure it is guarded, but the thing is; it’s always there! It should be easy to steal. He steals from us we steal from him ha ha ha. The fool should carry it around with him then it would be impossible to retrieve but as it is we have a good chance to steal it a very good chance. He won’t be expecting an attack from us so we also have the element of surprise. (Contrary to popular opinion surprise is not an element on the periodic table) ”
The eleven Druids stared at Ben Ufi with wide eyes amazed by the clarity of his vision. All could see his meaning as clearly as an unfolding story. The danger was real and there was no argument. Everybody realized the threat. Eight Druids would return to their shires to raise an army and to evacuate the land with little hope of actually defending it. Three would travel to the Northern Hemisphere in an attempt to infiltrate the stronghold of Mogodawn and steal the Mainshard. While Druid Mogie and Greebie Pigleman would take the Halfshard and go into hiding or just wander about aimlessly thinking of things.