Dr Karl and the genius Fruitloopmum
Okay, okay, so I've been a bit remiss over the past couple of days and haven't posted my Dr Karl answers on Fruitloopmum. Blame it on dealing with the latest antics of The Psychopath enough said.
However, I'm itching to get back to you all with my Dr Karl answers. I've been musing about them during the last few days and laughing to myself at inappropriate moments, so better get them to you before someone thinks I'm psychotic!
First up, Q: Can you use salt water to put out a bush fire?
A: Erm...lets put it this way, Is the f**ing ocean wet? However, word of caution....you'd end up with a crusty, salty, infertile bush!
Q: Would an electronic music device weigh more when full of music?
A: Not as dumb a question as you may at first suspect.... You've seen those dudes whose pants crotches are around their bloody ankles right? Must be because they have their iPod in their pocket absolutely CRAMMED with rap music!
Q: Can you break your penis?
A: Absolutely! Careful all you Don Juans. It's not as unusual as you might think. Even though there's no bone in the ol'boner, the internal muscle tissue can tear and then the medics have to go in and stitch the bugger up! Funniest case that I came across in my research was a guy who tried penetrating the wife with a flying run-up from across the room. WTF? YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Q: Do you lose weight when you pass wind?
A: Dunno. But come on dude, if you could lose weight like this then I should definitely be a size eight. Oh, and the answer as to whether a fart can cause a shadow? Try eating a vindaloo curry and you'll definitely be able to see the shadow from the green cloud produced.
Q: Why do my new ugg boots give me electric shocks?
A: Please remove your fingers from the power point before writing to Dr Karl
Q: If you hear a voice in your head, can your middle ear detect the sound?
A: Hmmm....I think you're consulting with the wrong kind of doctor. I think a good psychologist may be of some assistance.
Q: Why doesn't it hurt so much when you swear?
A: Dear Mr Tradie, That is obviously why building sites are an absolute enlightenment in colloquial language. I personally find that swearing is a great diversion for frustration and pain when I'm banging my head against a brick wall. Try it, swearing really does work.
Q: Is it possible to spin yourself fast enough to separate male and female sperm?
A: Ok, I strongly suspect that this question was posed by the same pervert that asked about breaking one's penis this person is either a break dancer, or has a penchant for bonking on washing machines, fairground rides or performing some death-defying, spinning sex whilst suspended from the ceiling. Ask yourself this stupid: If it were possible through the laws of centrifugal forces to spin your body fast enough to achieve sperm separation, then what would happen to your brain cells?? ....Second thoughts, NOW I get it...you've tried this already!
Q: Loop for loop, are blue fruit loops heavier than pink fruit loops?
A: Blue. Cos if you're blue you're heavy man!