CHAPTER SEVEN
-- LIT-TISSUE ON A ROLL --
The Japanese printing company it appeared had also had some success. They did not spell out exactly what that level of success was but they did write to Fred saying that if he could send them manuscripts they were in a position to begin printing.
The initial print run for the UK market would be ten thousand rolls which Fred considered very high but he had been assured by the Japanese that whether it was five thousand or ten thousand the difference in printing terms was not something he need worry about.
Fred had tried to get in touch with major supermarkets in London but had initially not been successful. The route to the right persons responsible for agreeing to market his tissues was not an easy one. So Fred had decided to bring on board someone who was more experienced in the area. The business development manager he took on came with highly regarded credentials. The result as that one of the major chains agreed to consider putting his tissues on sale when he was in a position to show them samples.
But one major decision remained unresolved. He and his Japanese partner could not move forward until it was.
So far he had the concept fleshed out. He had sufficient e-book manuscripts from new authors to make a good solid start. He had the printing and the costs agreed. Finally he was on the verge of having a major distributor put his products on sale to the public. What he did not have was a name. What was he going to call his toilet tissues? He knew he had to get it right first time. There would be no second chance.
There were the top brands like Velvet and Andrex and Kleenex. There were also the unusual such as Bronco, BogRoll, Loo Laughs, MegaRoll, even one called ShitBegone. Obviously he could not encroach on the trademark top end brands. Equally clear to Fred was the need to stay well clear of the coarse brands. What he needed was something that would not offend, would roll off the tongue as it were, would do what it said it was designed to do, and would appeal to both men and women.
What he finally decided on was LIT-TISSUE. It would not take a genius to see that it was an amalgam of Literature and Tissue. It was also a name that would be easy to remember and would be acceptable to both sexes. As for a sub-heading for additional marketing identification Fred elected to go with TheGoodReadWipe. He pondered that for some time but finally felt it was not crude.
The other outstanding issue he needed to resolve was the design. It took another two days of experimentation before he came up with the final outline. In black and white there would be a shelf with four books to the left standing upright. To the right there were three lying on their sides. In the foreground was an open book with a quill pen angled in the front of it. All of these had an etched appearance. Printed in bold green at the top was the brand LIT-TISSUE with the subheading in smaller font immediately beneath, also in green. Clean and green, Fred said to himself.
The reaction from his Japanese partners was positive and they promised to immediately proceed. They expected, they added, to be able to confirm to him in a month that his first consignment would be ready for shipment.
In fact, the company sent him a sample roll by FedEx which arrived in thirteen days which Fred handed on to his marketing freelancer who in turn approached the supermarket chain’s head business development manager.
“And tell me again, what sort of books are going to be published on these tissues?” The BDM was holding the sample roll in his left hand scrutinising the packaging.
“All sorts,” answered the marketeer. “There’ll be no specific genre. The idea is to make them appeal across the board.”
The BDM’s frown remained. “Such as? Give me an example.”
The marketing man’s eyebrows steepled and he wagged his head from side to side. “Um, I can’t think of any specific title or author off the top of my head, but I can let you have the details of the first two dozen or so that Mr Nurk has reached agreement with.”
“Do,” said the supermarket man.
“Hey,” said the marketing expert, “rip off that wrapping and see for yourself what this one is for example.”
The BDM unpicked the wrapping rather than destroying it completely.
“Is this for real?” he said.
The marketeer smiled. “Of course.”
“But why would anyone want to have this in his bathroom?”
“Think about it,” replied Fred’s marketer. “What do you go to the toilet for?”
The BDM man’s frown reformed. “What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
“What does anyone go to the toilet for?” repeated the marketing expert.
“Well, you know, to have a pee or to, well, sit down if you like.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What else?”
“I don’t know. What do you mean what else?”
The marketing man casually took the roll from the BDM and pointed to the title of the book printed on it.
“See?”
The BDM still looked puzzled. “A Gentleman’s Etiquette. I hardly think that’s going to be fascinating reading. Especially in the loo.”
The marketeer slowly allowed the tissue to unroll.
The first sheet after the title was the copyright protection statement.
Then came a brief biography of the author.
This was followed by a single sentence dedicating the book to someone referred to as “my loving partner Adrian”.
Chapter One headed the next sheet.
“Just read the first few sheets,” suggested the marketing specialist.
The BDM did as advised.
Two minutes later after he had read not two sheets but more like eleven he raised his eyes and a smile creased the corners of his mouth. “I see,” he said. After a further pause he added: “Alright. Confirm with Mr Nurk we’ll sign the draft agreement we discussed earlier. Depending on how it goes in the first month we might be interested in doubling the consignment in the following month.”
The two men shook hands and as the BDM was leaving Fred’s marketing specialist began rolling up the tissue. He stopped momentarily when he got back to the start of the first chapter and he too spent another minute or so reading.
A wide smile cracked his face.
Definitely a niche market he said to himself. But one that he was sure would sell well.