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“If he gets back.”
“Whit does that mean?”
“You seem to think Jimmy's going to ride in like the cavalry five minutes before the kick off at Anfield.”
Alexander’s suspicions were aroused. “Have you got anything to do wi' him disappearing?”
“Naww, boss.”
The look of innocence on the player’s face convinced his manager “Jimmy'll be back, I've got Sherman Holms looking for him.”
Balfour spat on the ground. “That idiot? He couldn't find a slice of bread in a toaster.”
“He's the greatest detective in England. And he's cheap.”
“He'll never find Jimmy, I’m telling you.”
“You do know something!” Alexander snarled.
“Honest, boss, I don’t.”
“If I find oot you've got anything to do with this ahm sellin' ye … tae Luton Town.”
“But I'm the vice captain.”
“Well, start behavin' like wan an' stop sniffin' roon Jimmy's burd.”
“I was only window sniffing,” the full back answered contritely.
At that point the great detective himself, as we too had returned north, entered the scene, inspecting the ground with his trade-mark magnifying glass.
“Lookin' fur a clue, Mr Holms?”
And Holms had to admit that he was actually looking for a contact lens I’d lost when last there.
“But Jimmy Henderson, don't tell me you have nae news?” the Scotsman enquired.
Holms straightened up. “Things proceed slowly, I admit, but it is my contention that a man as famous as Jimmy Henderson cannot simply disappear. Somebody, somewhere, must have seen him.”
“He's not that famous,” Balfour commented petulantly.
Holms ignored him. “There is also the fact that his car has also disappeared.”
Alexander launched himself on one of his legendary tirades. “Sod his car, ah can't play it as an attacking midfielder.”
Holms calmed him with a look. “The car may be the key to the entire affair. A metallic pink Lamborghini Countach certainly cannot be missed.”
“Right enough,” the manager agreed.
“It can be searched for without arousing suspicion that Henderson himself is missing,” Holms explained.
“Brilliant!” Alexander acknowledged.
“Rubbish,” was Balfour’s only contribution.
Holms continued with his explanation, “Which is why, at this very moment, Dr Wilson is asking the Lords of Manchester's roads if they have spotted the vehicle in question.”
“The cops?” a worried Alexander asked.