Thing is. We got all the drugs and moonshine we want out back here in the bush…the thing we’ve really been wantin all these years is permission ta get crazy with a good piece a pie.

Well…I some good news for ya folks. On behalf of tha Government of Canada I’m pretty tickled ta announce that we’re gonna legalize pie and pie throwin fer the enjoyment of all you valued citizens…an ta give our tax man another reason ta collect from ya’all.

Hold on! Stop yer celebratin! Before ya’all get crazy with all that pie eatin, keep in mind that Health Canada has issued these important cautions pertainin to improper pie use. It’s purty dangerous…an if ya hurt yerself, ya ain’t gonna be payin as much taxes…so, ya gotta pay attention to these here warnins.

Thing is, if your gonna be throwin your pie up there into tha wild blue yonder, ya gotta remember that piece of pie is only gonna stay up there in the sky for so long. Every trip will come to an end. Then you’re gonna have to eat that humble pie…which is kinda like eating crow…an if you’ve ever tasted crow, ya know it always leaves a bad taste in yer mouth.

But the wife was yellin at ya, sayin things like, if yer gonna start butherin crows just cause they’re there, then you are gonna hafta eat them there crows…um…maybe that’s just me… Ahem.

Movin along, Health Canada encourages all ya Canadians usin legalized pie to stay safe while yer usin it. Use your had when you start throwin it around and you’ll be alright…thank ya’all fer attendin here this press conference and feel free ta mellow out at the soup and pie table in the back…