It was often rumored that there was a beast living in the river. Most locals poo-poohed these rumors as the mere ramblings of certain Community TV members, however, the fateful day soon came when the clouds shaded the sun…and the laughter stopped…

It began like any other day…the sun rose in the east…if you ask me it is always helpful and enlightening when the sun does that for us, but I digress. Ahem. As I was saying, the sun rose in the east, bringing light to that sleepy little Manitoba town. As the residents began their icy January day…drinking their bottles of coffee and their cups of wine…they began to hear loud strident rumblings from the river.

Curious, the people began leaving their houses in droves…running, craning their necks to see what was going on in the little river running through their town.

It was quite a sight that greeted them. It was a sight that they would long remember. It was a horse drawn sleigh race in full swing. Skidoos raced and roared along the river toward their prize. People cheered and bellowed, excited by the sight…however this is exactly where the tragedy lay.

Just beyond the race, forgotten in the snow drifts, a massive reptilian head poked up through a hole in the ice. The beast was watching these festivities with a heavy heart.

Unlike Manipogo or the Loch Ness monster this beast was not well-known and therein lay the tragedy of the situation. The beast could roar and terrorize with the best of them, however, since it was in a small town it was hard to get the crowds out to watch it. Indeed, it was a tragic situation.

However, up on the snow covered river bank, a community television crew was filming the presence of the beast.

As the beast took notice of this tv crew, it’s heart leapt with joy and happiness. Attention at last! Snow and ice shattered in a glorious explosion of winter as the massive reptile rose from the river with a mighty bellow.

People screamed and began to flee in terror.

The beast crawled from the river and began making its way toward the town, intent on only one thing.

Getting good footage for community tv!

As the small but dedicated community television crew filmed every move, the beast began move through the town. Spreading ill will and mayhem wherever it went.

And that is how the name of Gladstone was briefly changed to Frownpebble. However, at an emergency meeting of the town council, it was decided to change the name of the town back to its original name.

The old name is better for business they said.

From now on if beasts want to rampage in the town, they’ll need a permit, which we won’t grant, they agreed.

Let’s just pretend this never happened they reasoned.

And so the available footage of the rampaging beast was seized by the mayor and a few trusted council members and burned in a nearby field.

And so, in an effort to overcome the unpleasant memory of that attention hungry beast, the town was nicknamed Happy Rock.

However, long time community members couldn’t quite forget what had happened. Despite stern warnings from their local government they often met and discussed the beast in private whispers.

Soon the legend of Whitemud Wilbert had spread far beyond his small town home. As the years passed, Whitemud Wilbert would come to join the esteemed ranks of legendary beasts that included; Godzilla, the Loch Ness Monster and Shrek.

Just when his fame couldn’t grow any greater, local television crew members discovered a long forgotten chip with footage from that great beast rampage and put it on their local channel.

However…since you don’t subscribe to local television, you missed out on a pretty good program. (Westman has some pretty good deals on now, so what are you waiting for?)

Still, the legend of Whitemud Wilbert lived on throughout the ages…and you know, some people still say they see the beast there in the Whitemud River…swimming along on dark and stormy nights…with a smile on his reptilian face…

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(inspired by Franklin Weber)

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Inspiring Quotes from the Annual Conference of Conference Attenders and/or Progressive Thinkers. Professor Adolf Heidlburg’s Law of Expanding Wisdom: The level of wisdom a person has about a troubled situation increases with their distance from it…that is why the smart people run at the first sign of trouble. Professor Simon Finkelstein’s Proclamation of Proclamations: The easiest person to impress is yourself but is impressing yourself really that impressive? (Who knows? By all accounts Finkelstein was pretty impressed with himself for saying this.) Billy Bumkin’s Inspirational Closing Address to the Conference: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush…but a box of fried chicken at half price is still a better deal.