The Perfect Prank and Other Stories by JIm O'Brien - HTML preview

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 CHAPTER 3

 

It is a few nights later and our family of five are sitting around a card table playing Monopoly. Monopoly games can, if you let them, go on for days.

And there have been times, in this household, when the warning of, “Don’t touch the Monopoly game.” has been issued, and that particular game will sit there . . . frozen . . . until such time as play is resumed . . . usually the next day. For this game, Tammy is the top hat token, Erin is the boat, Ashley is the horse and rider, and Mom and Dad . . . who are playing as one player . . .

are the thimble. Mom is being the real estate agent and Dad is the banker.

Erin:  Seven. Saint Charles Place. I’ll buy it.

Mom:  That’s a hundred and forty dollars please.

Dad:  And the woodpecker is the only one who can hop  backwards.

Ashley:  Double fours. Yes! Community Chest. “Advance to

GO” Excellent! Two hundred dollars please.

Dad:  Here you go. Every other bird has to stop . . . turn  around . . . and then start going again.

Ashley:  Nine. Connecticut Avenue. I’ll buy it.

Mom:  A hundred and twenty dollars please.

Dad:  A woodpecker can just . . . zip . . . go right back  down the tree backwards.

Tammy: Eleven. Marvin Gardens. I’ll buy it.

Mom:  That’s two hundred and eighty dollars please.

Dad:  The other birds, I bet they can go backwards. They  probably have just never tried it.

Mom:  Six. Park Place. Should we?

Dad: Absolutely.

The game goes on for about two hours . . . a short game by most Monopoly players’ standards . . . and then everything is folded up and put away. Mom goes into the kitchen where she pulls some ice cream sandwiches from the freezer and delivers them to her husband and children. And they all just sort-of lounge around . . . like a bunch of satisfied cats.

Then Dad gets a notion. He clears his throat . . . which gets everybody’s attention . . . and then starts to recite a few improvised verses:

Ice cream is cold

Just like an icicle

But eating it is fun

Like riding a bicycle

The girls and Mom laugh. Then Tammy tries her hand at it:

Ice cream is fun

On pie or with cake

But my favorite of all

Is a chocolate milkshake

Now Ashley tries:

Ice cream is fun

Ice cream is yummy

It goes into my mouth

And down to my tummy

Erin then chimes in:

During the week

Or on the weekends

Ice cream is fun

With sisters or friends

And now Mom jumps in:

I love my chocolate

But if I was braver

I’d look around

And try a new flavor

The rhyming game . . . as the girls call it . . . goes on for the duration of the ice cream eating . . . and maybe a little beyond . . . and then the subject of pranks is brought up. The new ideas are put forward and each of these schemes is then evaluated. Ashley suggests they let “a bunch of fire flies” go inside the school building. Tammy recommends moving the swing set and slide from the back play area to the front of the school. And Erin proposes that they paint pictures on the outside of the classroom windows. But none of these ideas are able to make it past “quality control” and soon the subject just sort-of drifts away . . . like thistledown in the wind.