I remember this day very well. I remember my anger. I remember it being very frustrating.
I had arrived at the office to see everyone sat reading various books, magazines or playing with their gizmos. Nobody was working.
“What the fuck is happening?” I asked accusingly.
“The internet is down.” Magda replied.
“The internet? The World Wide Web? That thing? That is broken?” I asked sarcastically.
“Yes.” She answered without a hint of humour.
“Where is our router?” I thought I could handle this. It usually only required switching on and off again anyway.
“What is router?” She asked sounding fed-up.
“The thing that connects our computers to the internet.” I motioned with my hands the rough size of it. “A little plastic box.”
“We have some boxes over there.” And with this insight she returned to reading her Polish version of Hello called ‘Flesz’. I wasn’t sure if I should understand it as Flash or Flesh. Either way I was going to need another assistant on this one.
“Piotr. Pomoc.” Roughly translated, ‘Peter, help.’.
“What can I do for you my nigga?” He asked in his best hip-hop voice.
“Erm, we don’t say that Piot.” I felt very uncomfortable.
Was this Polish street lingo? There weren’t many foreigners here let alone different looking foreigners and most of them that I’d seen would have been from Asia.
“Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.” He replied.
“It’s not a game Piot, it’s an office and you can’t use that word.” I said firmly.
“But my bitches love it when I talk about my niggas. You gotta feel me homes. I love the black boys, I throw them some bananas when I have the chance.” He was now tugging on his belt and I couldn’t tell if he was a Neo-Nazi or just an idiot who’d watched too many bad movies.
“Enough. Talk in a formal business manner while at work Piot.” That was the end of that. “I need your help with the router.”
“It’s not working.”
“I know that’s why I need your help.”
“We called Net-A. They said it’s going to be fixed today.” He answered. The first intelligent thing to come out of his mouth all morning.
“When today?” Maybe I could take the group through some training exercises and then treat them to an early lunch then crack at it when we got back.
“Today. They didn’t say.” He assumed we were done and went back to his tablet or big phone or something that wasn’t made by Apple so I didn’t care.
There had been a strong wind the night before but I couldn’t accept that we would be without an internet connection. I used the landline to call the UK HQ
to ask about getting a second connection from a separate provider. They agreed that it was a sensible idea for out here so I asked Paweł to set it up. This Net-A might fuck us over again and there was no guarantee their rivals would be any more reliable.
Paweł happily said that the rival firm would be installing our new connection tomorrow. I told Monika to get the staff to run drills, practice their phrases and then if we still had no internet by lunch they could go home for the day. I said I was off to use the internet. I really wanted to see Elly again.
All the way home I wondered what she was doing and when I got back I found her sleeping. Was she getting up in the middle of the night and secretly tapping out her master’s thesis?
I never could sleep-in, even after a skin full I was up and at them.
So, I actually did use the internet and after checking my e-mail and facebook I decided that I could play a few matches on Football Manager before Elly woke up. Just as it was loading up my phone went and Monika said that there was a problem at the office and I should come back as soon as I could.
“Is it with the internet? Did the guy come?” I asked.
“No. It is your brother. He is here.”
“Which one?” Seemed the obvious question but really the obvious question was why would my brother come to visit without telling me and turn up at my office? I didn’t even think they knew my office address. I would actually have been surprised if anyone but my Mum knew my home address. “I am coming.
Just get him some coffee and let him sit in my office.”
I rushed down the stairs in a very dramatic fashion but in truth the lift would probably have been faster. Waiting for the next tram, the right tram, your tram when you’re in a hurry is beyond frustrating. Sometimes nothing happens. It’s empty, it’s quiet and the minutes tick by, the promised arrival doesn’t come and as you watch buses sail by you curse not choosing the bus. You know at the same time though that if you make your way over to the bus stop that the tram will pull up and you’ll be cursing again.
Finally I made it back to my office and I was excited about seeing my brother, younger or older I didn’t care, it was just wonderful that he came. My racing heart stopped cold when I saw Marvin, Elly’s brother, with his feet up on my desk getting biscuit crumbs all over my floor. I slowly walked into my office and he smiled.
“Nice office.” He spluttered and I was covered in cookie debris.
“Yes it’s mine. How can I help you?” I knew a lot of ways I could help him but I wasn’t sure how many were legal or would be supported by Elly.
“I am here for my work.” He stated.
“You don’t work here though. Oh do you have another job?” I said hopefully.
“No you said you get me job. I work with you. Partner.”
Partner?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Partner?
“I said I’d try but unfortunately we are fully staffed.” I said very diplomatically.
“You owe me.”
“I don’t owe you anything. Nobody owes anybody a job. You owe people money sometimes but you earn a job, you deserve a job.” I felt like a father talking to a lazy teenager.
“Yes. I deserve.” He said solemnly.
What a fucking retard. I started to look at his features, his sunken, lost eyes and wondered if he did have some kind of mental or social interaction defect. It was possible that he was just in need or some medical assistance. It was also possible that he was just a cunt.
“Well since we don’t have the internet everyone is going home.”
A loud cheer from the rest of the staff let me know that no conversation was private in the office. I would remember that the next time I was giving Elly an ear infection with my dirty talk. They didn’t wait to be formally dismissed but as I stood with my back to them and my face to this arsehole who still had his feet on my desk, the staff quietly left. They were quicker at getting out of the office than they were at getting in and ready in a morning. That I had learnt.
“Ok, bye.” I said to him rounding my desk.
He didn’t take the hint and as I stood over him his stench wafted up, it nearly made me sick. I would have to sit down with Elly and talk about her getting a job. I knew she wanted to study but I didn’t know if I was going to pay her way, had I adopted a stray?
It didn’t matter that much. She paid for all the clothes she bought and most of the time she returned nearly everything and then spent the rest of the day trying new things on. The shop girls must have gotten used to her after a week because there wasn’t that many shops. Maybe it was more of a Polish thing, maybe more of a woman thing, I had never paid attention before.
“You want beer?” He asked.
“It’s only eleven thirty.” I said. It hadn’t stopped me in the past but I didn’t want to see any more of this leech, let alone drink with the bastard.
“So we go meet Elly.” He mumbled.
He finally rose out of my chair and spread more of his cookie crumbs around my office and started towards the exit. I could see why he would want to visit his sister, I had been so excited about seeing my brother. I guess siblings have some bond and no matter how much times passes, those first few years of life that you spent together builds something that can’t be torn away by a simple falling out like friendship or romance can.
“I must stay and work but feel free to visit her.” I said.
I went to get the vacuum cleaner and hoover up his mess. He was still standing there like a giant fucking lemon. He looked so docile, menacing yet innocent at the same time. There was a lot that unnerved me about this guy and part of me wanted to confront him about his behaviour at my flat. I let it slide. I wasn’t going to let this monkey throw a wrench into mine and Elly’s relationship.
Finally he left and I walked around the empty office straightening out desks, picking up the odd bit of rubbish and since I didn’t want to leave I just stared out of the window. I tried to calculate how long he would spend with Elly. How long I could pretend to do nonexistent work and most importantly, how long it was worth doing nothing against doing something but having to face him?
I knew it would involve a confrontation with both him and Elly. She must have told him where the office was and must think that he had a job with me. I could tell him to go to hell but I don’t know if I was ready to disappoint Elly yet. I decided that the best course of action was to lock up the office and have a wank.
A clearer head makes better decisions and wanking is fun.
On my way home I tried to craft my arguments in my head and I thought I had reason and logic on my side, nothing could go wrong, right?
“Elly.” I shouted as I entered an empty apartment. I don’t know why I bothered.
If I craned my neck I could pretty much see into every room.
I hoped they had gone shopping or that she had taken him to the bus depot. He still lived with their mother, about an hour’s bus ride out of Warsaw. Hopefully he would get sick of that journey and stop showing up and embarrassing me.
How could I explain him to the staff?
I didn’t see Elly until the next day when I woke up. I shook her awake and asked what was going on. She explained that Marvin was staying with their Aunt who lived in Warsaw but she tried to convince him that there was no job for him. She didn’t seem angry about it. She said that she had spent time with her Aunt and knew that she’d have to go back home sooner or later, she preferred later and went back to sleep.
My head was spinning on the way into work.
Was this the end for me and Elly?
Would she take me back with her?
How would she introduce me?
Who was I to her?
The spinning only intensified once I got into the office. I saw a technician in grey overalls checking our wiring. Monika and Paweł were closely shadowing him. None of the customer service reps were in, even though their shift should have started already. It shouldn’t have annoyed me as they’d have had nothing to do but it did.
“This is the guy from PT.” Paweł said.
“Oh about the new connection. Great. When will it be up and running?”
“There is a problem.” Monika deflated me as quickly as the optimism of perpetually functioning internet had risen my spirits. “Net-A and PT run off the same cables.”
“So?”
“You can have one or the other. Not both.” She replied.
“I don’t get it.” And I didn’t but after an hour of listening, asking questions, laughing my arse off at the ridiculousness of the situation I was finally fully aware that in Poland only PT owned any connection. The other companies rented them, maybe it worked the same everywhere, but the basic thing was that if we got it from any provider it would work or not work. Other than that it could be a problem with our hardware.
The guy fixed the problem though and I got on the phone to see where my staff were as Monika and Paweł both said that they hadn’t told anyone to come in late. As they arrived in dribs and drabs I informed HQ that we were functional again. I hoped that this would be the last hiccup along the way but as I thought about Elly and what our future held I realised that whatever happened at work, there were going to be a lot more headaches to come.