It was an average day in the small village of Trouble Valley and the children were studying hard for their tests. Except for Matt, who was currently trying to ask Goldie to the Harvest Dance.
“Sorry, I don’t go on dates with losers!” Goldie cackled.
“It’s not a date, it’s just a dance! Why would I want to date a witch like you anyway?” Matt asked.
“If this is how you talk to girls, it’s no wonder you don’t get any dates!” Goldie said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I talk to guys like this as well!” Matt said. Julia turned around to face Matt.
“You could just go to the Harvest Dance with me, Matt,” Julia said.
“I dunno, it might be kind of weird taking a friend on a date,”
Matt said.
“I thought you said it wasn’t a date?” Julia said.
“Excuuuuuuse me,” said the teacher, Mrs. Barrett.
“I had hoped that it wouldn’t be necessary for me to explain that one does not talk during class hours, but clearly I was mistaken! You can finish your conversation at lunchtime!” Mrs.
Barrett said crossly.
“Yeah Julia, what were you thinking? Talking in the middle of class, the nerve!” Matt said crossly.
“WILL YOU BE QUIET! Or else I will have to enforce
PUNISHMENT!” Mrs. Barrett said, and menacingly raised her uncut nails to the exposed chalkboard. Her nails came closer and closer to the chalkboard.
“Ok, ok, chill, lady!” Matt said, and stuck his nose in a nearby Trigonometry book. Miss Barrett smiled.
And so not another word was spoken until the bell rang, and the students ran out the door to enjoy their lunch.
Julia joined Matt at his lunch table.
“You know, there’s more to the Harvest Dance than finding a girl stupid enough to go with you, Matt,” Julia said with a smile.
“Oh? So what is the Harvest Dance all about then, Julia?” Matt asked.
“It’s about celebrating the rich rewards of this year’s harvest, about collecting together the combined foods of all of Slump County and coming together to Trouble Valley to partake of a glorious feast with all sorts of delicious food and compare it with all the other tasty foods of New Zealand! My Mansion’s keeping an intake of the Granary where we’re keeping all the food,” Julia said.
“What kinds of food from all over New Zealand have you got in there?” Matt asked.
“Well, let’s see, we’ve got…
Spaghetti and Meatballs, Fish on Rye Bread, Chocolate Cake, Steak and Kidney Pie, Lamb Rogan Josh, Pancakes, Pikelets, Cooked Lobster and raw Carrots, Baked Beans and Bananas, Sauerkraut and Silverbeet, Salmon and Sushi, Apples, Peaches, Parsley, Marmalade, Lemon Sherbet, Shrimp, Corn, Bacon, Mollusks, Brussels Sprouts, Salami, Celery, Gherkins, Zucchinis, Linguinis, Cantaloupes, Garlic, Peanuts, Bagels, Macaroni, Ham, Beef, Chicken, Fish and Kangaroo, Pretzels and Porridge, Coconuts and Caramel Sweets, Potato Chips and Clams, Roast Duck, Shiitake Mushrooms, Strawberries, Cream, Broccoli, Star Fruits and Sunflower seeds,
Olives and Oysters, Bundt Cake, Tiger Nuts, Bran Muffins, Protein Milkshakes, Rice, Yamamomo, Beetroot, Donuts, Hot Dogs, Croissants, Winter Vegetables, Summer Fruits and Spring Onions.
And in celebration of the Harvest, The Wolf Down Inn will be serving the following meals:
- Crème Brulee
- Coquilles Saint-Jacques
- Cuisses de Grenouille
- Quiche Lorraine
- Fish and Chips.
It’s all going to be quite yummy, I can assure you,” Julia said.
“You guys take your harvests pretty seriously, don’t you?” Matt asked rhetorically.
Meanwhile, on a plane of existence outside all time and space, atop an asteroid with no real dimensions, there was a house named RYORAK, a home beyond all mortal description. Inside were two intelligent beings, also beyond all mortal description. These beings were called ZIDDIC.
One Ziddic said to the other,
“Can you smell something burning?”
To which the other Ziddic replied,
“Not tonight honey, I have a headache,”
800 Trillion Years passed. The Ziddics watched a cloud of Chaos Spores float by 4.
“Eh, whatever, I just like my good ol’ honey sandwich,” Matt said.
Then, there was a sudden shriek!
Julia and Matt looked down the street and were greeted with a most shocking sight.
Somebody had just broken into the granary.
Julia and Matt were extra-super-shocked when they found out who it was; it was Jack Lawrence.
“But Jack is such a nice boy, he would never do something like this,” the villagers told one another.
4 What is this passage even doing here? It has absolutely nothing to do with the ‘Trouble Valley’ story whatsoever.
But he had raided the granary, though he claimed that he had no memory of doing so.
Matt and Julia knew not what to think.
But soon, Jack was joined by two other would-have-been thieves; Goldie and Libby were caught, saying they had been overcome by some great urge of hunger whilst wandering through the Nevermore Forest. And soon they were joined by other villagers;
Madhavari was caught with a mouthful of marmalade, and Tane was caught with a tonne of tiger nuts.
Nobody had any idea what was going on.
So, after school, Andrew, Jack, Monica, Julia and Matt gathered at Monica’s house.
“I think I might know what’s going on,” Monica said.
Matt looked over to Monica, surprised. Matt had never seen her look so serious before. She looked like she meant business.
“I’ve gotten hunger pangs whilst wandering the meadows nearby the Nevermore Forest, and all the people who have been overcome by incredible hunger were wandering near the Nevermore Forest.
This leads me to believe that there is only one possibility; we are dealing with the Fear Gurtha.
I know that sounds unbelievable, but some very strange things have been happening in Trouble Valley lately. We rescued our village from Queen Oizys, I have an alien girl hiding out in my stable, Tipene confided in me the other week that he had to deal with a living teddy-bear with delusions of galactic conquest, and Sunil keeps on showing me his creepy Art films!
You gotta admit, Trouble Valley is a pretty weird place,”
Monica said.
“What the heck is a Fear Gurtha?” Matt asked.
Monica began to speak, but the radio suddenly turned itself on.
A priestly voice spoke, “REVELATION 7.14. , AND I SAID
UNTO HIM…” and Monica switched it off.
“Sorry, it’s been doing that all week; last time it started playing Tchaikovsky in the middle of the night,” Monica explained.
“I’ve always been a bit of a fan of Tchaikovsky, myself,” Jack said.
“Anyway, Fear Gurtha is another word for ‘hungry grass’; anyone who walks on the Fear Gurtha will be struck with an insatiable hunger. I’ve always avoided it by having some crackers in my pocket, but that is only a temporary solution…
to fix this, I’m afraid we’re going to have to have to destroy the poor blighters,” Monica said gravely, and whipped out her scythe.
It was really quite a sight to watch Monica cut up every last blade of grass in the meadows nearby; it was a sight the villagers would never forget.
And thus did Trouble Valley once again return to normal, no more struck by the dreaded Fear Gurtha, and thus they did hunger no more.
Monica refused to speak of the event ever again.
A day later, Julia received a parcel in the mail from her aunty and Monica was there to join her.
“What do you think is inside the box?” Monica asked.
“No idea, but I’m sure it’s something cool!” Julia said, and began to tear the wrapping paper off.
“Wait! That’s beautiful wrapping paper, Julia. It’d be such a waste if you just tore it apart and threw it in the trash!” Monica said.
“Oh?” Queried Julia, “And what are you going to do with it?
Hang the gift wrapping on the wall?”
“You could recycle it and use it to wrap a present for your aunty,” Monica said.
“Well then Monica, why don’t you show us all how it’s done?”
Julia said.
And Monica did so, delicately lifting the tape off and then slowly sliding her hand around the crevices and then she gently took the wrapping paper off so it didn’t break. And then she held it up for Julia to see.
“Nice and tidy, and no messy bits to clean up. Isn’t that nice?”
Monica said.
“Whatever, sweetheart. Come on; let’s get onto the exciting part!” Julia exclaimed.
“The present?” Monica asked.
“No, silly! I mean the bubble wrap!” Julia said, as she pulled out the bubble wrap. She popped the bubbles with great glee, sometimes one by one; sometimes she’d roll the wrap over itself so multiple bubbles would pop at once. Sometimes she even went so far as to chew on the bubble wrap, and she could hear loads of popping noises inside her head. It was great fun, at least for Julia.
“Want to give it a try?” Julia asked Monica.
“Um, no thanks. I’m good.” Monica replied.
But, to Julia’s distraught, there was no more bubble wrap.
“Aww no, there’s no more bubble wrap,” said Julia, “that’s a shame; I thought there’d be more of it. Isn’t it such a shame that good things seem to only last a short while whilst the bad things seem to go on forever?”
“I don’t know; having good things only last a short while makes me appreciate them more, personally. But either way, don’t you think we ought to look at what your aunty sent you?”
Monica asked.
“Maybe. Or maybe we should let the mystery simmer. Maybe we should build up the anticipation, you know? Things like this don’t happen every day, you know.
If you aren’t careful, when you grow old you’ll have little more than memories like this one to sustain you, and then where will you be?” Julia asked.
“I say we open the present,” Monica said.
“Okay,” Julia agreed.
Julia and Monica reached into the depths of the package and pulled out a dress.
And Julia wore that dress to the Harvest Dance and everyone had a most fantastic time, even Matt.