Dear Willie,
I am 21 years old and after several failed relationships with men have decided that I will become a lesbian.
However, I am unsure how to proceed with this course of action. Does one have to sit an exam or anything? Please advise.
Karen, Winnipeg
Dear Karen,
It’s not widely known but lesbianism was actually invented by a man, the legendary Nathaniel Lesbian, of Tobruk fame. It was basically to give his wife, Olivia, something to do with her friends in the afternoons while their menfolk were at work. Nat never envisaged that it would catch on like wildfire and become the major female participation sport of the 20th Century. In his memoirs he remarks that he wished he’d taken out a patent and of the millions he’d have made if he’d got a cent every time one woman kissed another.
This version of events is disputed but I stand by it. Nat, himself, told me about it in a pub in Pitlochry. But, to answer your question, no exam is required, merely strong lips.
Willie