Dear Willie,
My husband has recently asked to view me bereft of garments. I find the thought of this totally repulsive and never imagined that I had married a man with such perverse desires. He never expressed a desire to see me naked while we were courting, but now I find him trying to peek at me in the bath and suchlike. I’m sure this change in behaviour is down to a change in diet as I’ve recently been encouraging him to eat more fish. Do you think he would stop his disgusting demands if I returned to feeding him red meat seven days a week?
Catriona, Lyons
Dear Catriona,
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The mystery of what women hide under their clothing has tormented men since time immemorial and is understandable. To satisfy your husband’s curiosity you must surf porn sites on the web, no matter how distasteful you might find this, and find a woman whose body closely resembles yours. You can then point your husband in the direction of this hussy and inform your husband that you look like that. The red meat is a good idea though, and I would recommend venison as that will turn him into an absolute deer.
Willie