World's Worst Murder Detective 2: Laws Stand Found! by Adam Stark - HTML preview

World’s Worst Murder Detective 2: Laws Stand Found!

By Adam Stark

Prologue:

This book is the sequel to ‘World’s Worst Murder Detective!’ The story is about Powen Yootipopper. He may be the greatest example of being extremely intelligent, and incredibly stupid at the same time. He graduated at the top of his class with honors at Harvard University. His main problem... his ears are cursed! He hears as well as misinterprets things said to him, but it gets worse. He actually acts on them! Even if what he heard will put him in the complete opposite direction! Powen’s passion will always be detective work, however there’s a new found joy: Law practice. He became inspired by a lawyer who fought for him and won his case making him rich. Well, that became his second passion! He took one seemingly impossible case to trial, and ended up winning during a shocking turn of events! But he ended up losing his money at the end.

Chapter 1: Justice Is Serviced

I’m back at it again, Powen Yootipopper is officially back in business! I needed redemption for becoming broke. The victim’s families had asked me: “How do you live with yourself?” I started asking myself the same thing, like what choice do I have? I don’t have another roommate and I’m the only one paying rent? Apparently my ears were still cursed because the families were actually referring to some expression. Is it because I have 2 names? A first and a last name... never mind. I better stop now or I’ll keep losing the audience. So the point is, I needed a big case! I got hired by a big firm for one reason... I was personally requested. That’s right! My infamous trial that I emerged victorious previously became the catalyst for a career in the practice of law. This poor guy searched for hundreds of lawyers to no prospect, anticipation, or reconciliation. He needed ME! The one who took on the impossible case and won. I had shown the world that I had the power to defend the clients whom were always told to plea or settle it out. Nonsense! I never aimed to do that, I aimed to win a trial at all costs. This brought me a weird old man named Berry Northlander. That name was bad enough but his smell was worse. I couldn’t stand that smell he had it was intoxicating. I’ll take you back to when we met in person for the first time after we had spoke on the phone about going to trial.

Berry entered the firm and made his way in my office. I couldn’t help but shout: “Where’s my pizza? What do I gotta pay you first for it you pathetic slug!? You know I’m a lawyer right? I’ll make you so broke you’ll be delivering on a skateboard and you’ll have to sell drugs to pay your bills! Then, I’ll prosecute you for selling drugs and I’ll sell them better than you! I will change your existence as a whole... I will transform your life into that of a stentorian recidivist! And as far as your mother...” Berry scarcely interrupted: “I’m not the pizza guy! It’s Berry Northlander, your client!” I was embarrassed, and relieved. I let him know my thoughts: “I apologize, I’ve had some bad pizza deliveries in the past. You know... you pay for the service of a pizza and they give it to you in a circular shape? That is terrifying! Square shape pizzas give you much more to eat from! I made a diagram projection once to prove it. You can view the photographs of each shape and use the pepperoni pieces as an internal yardstick for measuring. I found that every slice of pizza in this city has an average of 2.4 pieces of pepperoni. You measure the pepperoni and each one is 2 inches across the diameter; 1 inch being the radius; to discover the result of the circumference of each piece I multiplied the radius, which is one inch, by 2 pi, which gave me 6.28318531 inches. I then calculated the surface area of the circular pizza...” Berry yells to get me to shut up: “Powen shut up! And I hear that timer going off is that your pay by the minute timer thing? Is that why your talking my ear off?” I was very intrigued. I asked: “No that’s a timer for my food, what do mean pay by whatever timer? Why would I use that? Why should I get paid anyway if I don’t win?” Berry couldn’t believe I wasn’t charging him tons of money like other lawyers. Mostly because I just wanted the feeling of victory more. He quickly changed the subject in the hopes that I wouldn’t change my mind and start charging him a ton more. Berry announces: “Okay shut the hell up. We haven’t even discussed my case yet, shall we start?” My cursed ears were at it again... I wondered how was it disgusting? I had to unfortunately ask: “In what way does it gross you out?” He threw his hands up in the air in disappointment. He shrieks: “WHAT?” I had to quickly respond because I didn’t want to lose my first client at the new big firm. I said: “You just mentioned that the case brought you disgust? What was disgusting about it?” Berry covers his face with shame. He blurts out: “Wow! They weren’t lying about you! You really can’t be talked to? Your THAT bad?!” I decided to diffuse the situation, I went to go take a shit. When returned he was still there, so nothing was diffused. He just starting giving me the facts and practicalities of his case. He tells me: “Powen, I was honored and lucky enough to get this job! They produce so many products it’s really overwhelming when you think about it... but... I was just one guy. I wasn’t able to invent anything. I failed! The contract strictly says they have the power to let me go if I don’t invent products via the job description. I’m telling you the truth, I did NOT have enough resources! But with that job contract, no other lawyer will take it to trial that I was unfairly let go. When my time came, they had a meeting, they decided not to let me be endorsed... and they fired me.” I took some notes and went to his place of employment... that’s the problem! My ears have led me to the wrong place again! I can’t win with these things! I thought my client said: “They decided not to let me be indoors!” But he actually said: “They decided not to let me be endorsed!” I thought that was going to be a great motive for a lawsuit. Seriously, imagine your job that’s suppose to be an indoor job, your managers told you that you have to stay outside! I would be pissed off! So I tried two subpoenas for the work orders for the door locks on the building first. After that, I tried to get subpoenas for the national weather service reps’ to testify that the weather was cold that day. Needless to say, they weren’t taken seriously. I couldn’t figure out how they were okay with endangering his life by having poor Berry work in the parking lot? I tried to read the blueprints of the building to see if the roof had access on the outside. I wasted a lot of time because of my damn cursed ears! Well it hit that I heard Berry wrong when he called me at the courthouse asking where I was. I was able to make it on time to the probable cause hearing. It did not go well at all. Berry considered firing me. I think he would have fired me but wouldn’t because I wasn’t as expensive as the others.

Chapter 2: Flaw Firm

The big day is here! Trial! My favorite moments of my entire life’s history by far, no debating! Berry met me in the hallway outside of the courtroom. He wore a nice looking suit. He was so nervous and it didn’t help when he greeted me. He said: “Powen, what’s the plan? I’m really worried about this case, you didn’t really ask me that many questions! So what’s the strategy here!” I simply told him the truth... which he resented wholeheartedly. I truthfully told him: “None of the preconceived ideas have came to fruition. They simply did not work in our favor even slightly. However, your testimony is key to victory! I believe we can still win without an actual plan. You just take the stand, and promise me... you will answer me and tell the absolute truth over oath, okay?” Berry quietly venting his visceral hatred he harbored towards my plan: “POWEN! What the hell is the matter with you? I’m supposed to believe we can win this on a hunch! A stupid ass hunch! Powen we are going to lose because your such a fool! I wanted some justice damn you! And what do you mean I don’t want to testify? You never even hinted at me testifying about anything?” I completely ignored his insults and responded: “We need to make the jury like you. Which brings me to the only part of my plan that I can control, your smell. Look man, yes offense, but you stink. You smell atrociously awful. The pores on your idiosyncratic body is constantly secreting rigorous torment. It would show perfidiousness on my part as well as show my ineptitude as your lawyer not to tell you this. Your scent has transitioned into a stench with the toxicity of a biohazard... your disgusting odor has no possible means of providing surreptitiousness for the jury’s noses’ nasal passages.” Berry grabs my arm angrily and says: “How dare you! My big case is about to go down and instead of taking our time to make a plan, you insult me?! I don’t even smell that bad anyways but that’s not the point!” I handed Berry a stack of money. He looked down at it and I told ordered him: “The truth is, you smell bad. Take this and got to the store, buy some expensive cologne and put it on all over. We need the jury to like you! Go! Run! Make it back here in time!” Berry shoves the money in his pocket and whispered back to me: “I swear if I lose this case I’m going to crack the cologne bottle over your head when I’m done with it!” He took off and I made sure to eat a healthy lunch so I wouldn’t be distracted at trial.

Berry came back and I noticed immediately a changed man! He smelled like cologne now! This was good, so far my plan was working. The judge entered the room and everyone stood up. The jury had to listen to their lawyers attack me and Berry, my goodness it was boring. Not even worth writing about. Basically he just told the jury that this was a frivolous lawsuit. I tried to object and say that the law suit that I was wearing was the same brand as his? I was then taught the definition of what a ‘lawsuit’ meant and was warned about being held in contempt by the judge. My opening statement was just simply that this is a regular citizen being picked on by a big company. Mostly I attempted to hammer the point that he just lost his job, and we should feel bad for him because he didn’t even commit a crime. Evidence of ‘Exhibit A’ was being showcased to the court about the contract for the occupation Berry has signed. Berry went up to testify at my request! He held his hand up and swore to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I started in strong hollering: “Mister Northlander, is it true you worked for this company?” Berry answered: “Yes.” I continued: “Did you sign this contract and understand the agreements made?” Berry answered briefly once more: “Yes I did.” I continued: “So, why get upset then? You knew what you were getting into, and failed. So, can we all go home and call it a day? The jury looks bored I mean if I was on jury duty I would be pissed to have such a boring case!” The other lawyer screamed: “Objection!” And the judge sighed a deep breath. He just looked at Berry and told him to ignore the stupid comments I made and just answer my question. Berry looked at his old boss across the courtroom. He sternly said: “Because it wasn’t FAIR! It wasn’t provided in good faith! I was given an insurmountable time limit and not enough resources to make inventions! I didn’t have a fair chance! I shouldn’t have been fired over that? That’s nonsense!” The other lawyer was agitated and objected to the testimony to say: “Objection! Your honor the contract makes it clear for all to see that,-” before he could finish the judge cut him off. The judge told him: “Overruled, you’ll get your chance to cross examine the witness, continue.” I was happy on the inside, I saw the other lawyer start to lose composure. I hoped it would help my case. I made a huge mistake with my next choice of words when I asked: “If anyone is too stupid to be able to define the word ‘insurmountable’ which my client Berry just used can you please raise your hand and I will assist you?” The judge banged his gavel very loudly. He threatened to hold me in contempt if I said one more stupid comment. I uttered out the words: “Ladies and gentlemen and other, I apologize for that non-sequitur. I will rest and allow them to cross now.” Their lawyer stood up and began to tap his fingers on the table’s edge of the Judicial Well. He went right for the heart of his attack against Berry and said: “Berry, were you adequate for the job?” Berry responded: “Yes, I have an extensive work history and,-” The lawyer cut him off to say: “Thank you, you’ve answered it. Now how well could you be for the job if you never invented anything? It was a privilege for you to work for the company!” Berry angrily but calmly replied: “I would have! They truly did not give me the time or resources to!” At that moment I had an epiphany. I realized with Berry’s pathetic work output, combined with the contract’s wording, if taken LITERALLY... I could have a shot at winning this case! By using a paradox I could hopefully pull this off! Anyways their lawyer went back at Berry saying: “Like I said before, you were privileged with the opportunity to work there! They’ve hired people 40 years younger than you and they make it! Some people there have invented only 10 or so worthwhile products and they got paid and compensated for their time but, ultimately let go. This is a big league company, they needed the best people, not someone like you who invented nothing! In the contract it states you must invent! You couldn’t even do that could ya?” Berry was so mad he was about to cry. He looked over at me and I showed him a big smile. I gave him a quick thumbs up and hope no one saw. Their lawyer sat down feeling like he just smelt victory. Not knowing that he actually smelt Berry’s cologne. Anyways, it was time to unveil my paradox! I stood up and used a very serious tone of voice. I pointed at Berry and demanded: “Berry you are under oath! Answer me this question right now. At the time you spent working for the company, did you invent nothing!?” Berry saw me wink, I was hoping so strongly that he remembered when I instructed him to testify the pure honest truth, that he would. It paid off because he did. Berry responded: “Yes, it’s technically true, I didn’t invent anything.” I had to get him to follow my lead, I started motioning my hand for him to finish my sentence when I started slowly saying: “So you invented...” Berry turned his head to the side in confusion and said: “... Nothing.” I was so happy to hear him say that verbatim. I looked at the judge and said: “Your honor, I say you should throw us the victory right now! He just proved he actually WAS an inventor!” The judge was getting mad but the other lawyer angrily spoke before the judge could: “Your honor I object, Powen hasn’t raised a defense and now he’s blatantly lying? Berry was not an inventor which was the basis of him being let go!” The judge asks me: “What were you getting at Powen?” I kept pointing my finger at Berry while walking around the room. I started to explain my paradox! This was my last shot! I proclaimed: “You all heard that my client was fired because he wasn’t an inventor... but that was incorrect. I have proof! You just heard not one, not two, but THREE people in this courtroom say that Berry ‘invented nothing’ for the company! THATS RIGHT! He can’t be someone who is not an inventor as they keep calling him, when he specified that he invented ‘nothing’ for the company! Nothing quote unquote was invented by Berry and Berry alone! He said it, I myself said it, and their company’s lawyer just said it too, even before us! He was on the company’s payroll, employed, and was given time and resources as their lawyer has been saying this whole time! So with those things being said, let’s examine the contract itself, it specifically states that the employee signing this contract must invent a unique product for production to begin to be shipped to stores! Berry quite specifically was told to this courtroom by three different people, one being the victim himself under oath, uniquely invented ‘nothing!’ He did invent something, he ‘invented’ nothing! And it is proven to be unique because if you look at the company’s statistics that they also used to attack Berry with, it shows you the lowest production of an employee fired by them, they made 4 products! That’s right! Berry is the only employee in that company’s entire history to invent ‘nothing’ and remains the only one!” The judge took his glasses off and looked like he was in deep concentration. He looks at me and says: “Oh so, are you trying to say that... within the parameters of the company he was using resources like the contract states and unique for inventing nothing?” The judge said that as if he was asking a teacher a question at school after class. I happily answered him: “Yes, your honor.” The other lawyer looked baffled... he was whispering something to his clients and they looked like they were frantic! I needed the jury to see that! So Berry got off the stand. Both sides did our closing arguments which were a lot of the same of what you just read. The judge’s comments towards me explaining my paradox unknowingly shaped my way to victory because WE WON! Berry was awarded a huge compensation from the company! I was happy to be rich again. Although I was even more happy to know that I wasn’t going to get a cologne bottle broken over my head. Well, honestly I was even more happy then the aforementioned reasons for the fact that Berry had cologne on. Berry shook my hand and gave me a hug. He started to cry happily and told me: “Powen... you saved me big time! I was wrong about you, I’m really sorry I ever doubted you. You managed to make me feel like a winner again! I’m glad there’s at least one lawyer in this country that will take the impossible cases to trial willingly!” I was euphoric! The feeling of victory in the courtroom is truly sensational. I let Berry know: “Thanks! It was an honor to serve you and make another jury my bitch!” Berry laughs and tells me: “Well, I have your next client for you! They’ll be giving you a call Mister Yootipopper!” As he walked away all I could think about was my firm. What were they going to think?

I met with the firm partners to celebrate. They were shocked and impressed. Gordon is one of the partners who isn’t really proud of his workers unless they net a few million annually. I went to tell him anyway. I announced: “Sir Gordon! I won my case! We’ve earned a great victory sir!” He was looking around his desk talking quietly to himself. He leans over and says: “Shut up! Shit for brains! I’m missing my scissors, make that your top priority to find them!” With those words, I took the demand too serious... I asked him: “What does this one look like? What color is it? Is it black? Does it have two equally symmetrical circles or does one side have an oblique shape?” He very energetically yelled: “Powen! It’s a scissors! A damn scissors! Now can you give me it if you’ve found it?” I turned to my boss: “I’ll work on developing a composite sketch of it, does this scissors have any distinctive features or markings on it? Does it say property of this firm? And when I put up posters all over the city, how much of a reward should I propose for its discovery in good condition? Any indemnity deductions sir?” He made his eyes squint very short. He unpleasantly told me: “You are worthless! Hey everybody why did we hire this dumb fuck again!?” I walked away, but I was empowered by his words. He said I was worthless, so I figured he meant without finding his scissors I was worthless, right? So I made 8,000 posters of the scissors description and placed them strategically on every street throughout the city. I put the firms phone number on it. Well that made things worse. We had hundreds of leads, or should I say, false leads because they were all dead ends. And by dead ends, I mean they were prank phone calls. I managed to almost redeem myself in Gordon’s eyes. Sadly I fucked that up as well. I managed to find an exact copy of the scissors he was looking for, at a store. When I went up to him he yelled at me about the hundreds of phone calls the firm was getting that were all my fault. Then, he saw the scissors as I handed it to him. He actually said thank you... but then he took it back. Sadly, he asked me where I found his scissors, and I told him the name of the store that I bought them from. He was even angrier then I previously mentioned. I needed to now focus my attention on my new client. His case was very similar, but there was little to no chance of me winning. No plea deals desired once more, so I’m the man for the job!

Chapter 3: Time List

Berry handed over a huge client to me. Not with his hands, sorry if I mislead the audience. Or shouldn’t I say mister-lead? Nevermind... anyways this was a very high profile case of a tycoon! He’s an old man named Emmet Stormwrath. He didn’t just pick me to represent him because of Berry’s recommendation, he also found I was the only lawyer AGAIN willing to take his case to trial. NO PLEA DEALS, NO SETTLEMENTS, NO EXTINGUISHING LIABILITY! He strolls in to introduce himself. Emmet says to me: “Powen Yootipopper the champ! How’s your morning?” I was taken by surprise when he said that. My ears caused a bad first impression on him. I said back to him: “Oh I’m not mourning nobody has died.” He turned his face into a frown face instantly. Emmet tells me: “Well, okay just... let’s go over the case shall we?” I knew he was upset, although I didn’t figure out why at the time because I didn’t realize he meant ‘morning’ as a general greeting subject. I sat down on my office couch with my notebook. I wanted to make sure about something. I prompted him: “So just to be clear in totality, you wish to discard all possible plea deals and or settlements if any come up?” He passionately tells me: “That’s right Powen! I want them to lose to me! I shouldn’t have been fired! They need to pay maximum damage! So long story short, all deals are off the table!” So I heard this, and I went into a frenzy in my brain. I had to give him some input. I said: “Oh don’t worry, I only allow food on my table. I make some exceptions for silverware and beverages. And if I’m really feeling fancy I will have goldenware! I feel strongly opposed to any other items to be placed on my table, and feel strongly that it’s inappropriate as well as irrational.” Emmet was unlike most people who would yell at me and threaten me when I had my cursed ears do the talking for me. He just asked me simply: “Wait wait, is THAT why you take every case to trial? Because most opposing counsel use the jargon of saying: ‘plea deal is on the table’ and you strictly only allow food on your table here?” I told him the truth: “Yes.” All he could say is: “Wow...” All I can tell you is the truth, unless it’s boring then I’ll just omit it from this book. Anyways, he started to finally explain his case to me. He continued: “Well, it all started with the purchase, when they bought more offices. I’m telling you Powen, that may be the biggest factor in us winning this case. I strongly feel that there was something wrong with the purchase! Why would they buy a bunch of offices knowing that they would have to fire a bunch of employees? It doesn’t make sense to me. But see I think, they used that as an excuse to get rid of me without having a clear bias against me in an easy lawsuit. So they basically blame it on the budgeting fail from the bad purchase! See, here’s the point. I’m going to tell you why I’m mad.” I decided to cut him off and interject: “Hey is there a lake or freshwater source next to your previous building of employment?” He scoffed and snorted back: “Powen, yes now pay attention! Their justification for firing me, along with the budgeting ‘excuse’ I’m going to call it; was the production output. They had this new kid, he was 22 years old. He worked for one year, and at the end of his year, he was able to produce 2,000 something units. I on the other hand, only produced a tad over 500 units.” I unfortunately used my lack of logic to ask: “So 500 or so units on your one hand, what about your other hand?” He angrily bursted out yelling: “IT’S JUST A SAYING! It is an expression you neanderthal! I used both of my damn hands, now please pay attention! This is my life’s work here! I’m on the verge of crying right now! Without that job I have nothing! No means of existing in a life that I earned with my hard work! They fucking screwed me! And they need to pay for it! Or make up for it! I feel so helpless! This is why I came to you Powen! You have done miracles in court, please will you take me serious and save whats left of my life?” I kept taking notes as he spoke to me. I told him: “Calm down, you could’ve just told me you were ambidextrous and you used both of your hands.” He was very pissed off. He slammed his fist on the table. He got up and walked over to the window and looked so depressed. This reminds me of exactly why I do this job, to make money off of old people. I put my hand on the back of his shoulder for a moment. I let him know part of my plan: “Look I’m sorry, just remember it’s not my fault, I am aware that the view outside of my window is lame but it was the only office I was allowed to take.” He turned to look at me and became increasingly more angry. Honestly that man got mad at everything I said, what was his problem? I walked away slowly and let him know what I was up to... sort of. I said: “I got my notes, I’m going to investigate the bad perch’s area by your old work building.”

The big day came at last! I walked out of my office and waived at my bosses at the firm. Gordon asked: “What the hell do you think you are doing!” So I simply explained: “Waiving my hand, it’s an integral part of the cease process of which I form a symbolic gesture representing my ‘goodbye’ as it is this firm’s statutory obligation to be respectful to my superiors.“ Gordon stood up off of his chair feeling very annoyed. He screamed: “No not waiving your fucking hand you idiot! I meant not going for a plea? That’s irresponsible! Make us money in a reasonable manor!” I basically wanted to calm him down so I said: “The client rejected the plea, so I’m going to do research on some fish.” Gordon looked over at another employee. He quietly asked: “Powen said something fishy right? Please tell me that’s what he said?! POWEN WAIT UP!” I was annoyed by Gordon’s perspicacious delays. I turned my head towards him and waited by the entrance. I hollered: “What do you want?!” Gordon put on his coat and grabbed his keys. He announced: “I’m going to second-chair this trial of yours. I’ll drive, we’ll take my car. Your car door is squeaky and it sucks!” I truly never ever heard of that term ‘second-chair’ before. But the day just went slower as we ended up in traffic and he screeched! I asked: “What is wrong now?” Gordon points at his dash in the car and says: “I’m almost out of gas! I need to get gas dammit! Why don’t you tell me BEFORE I go into traffic that the gas is low!” I was perplexed, I challenged his diatribe by saying: “Are you yelling at me or the car?” Gordon ignores my remark as he pulls into a gas station. He hands me a 20 dollar bill and says: “Powen, please go put 20 in my car?” I went inside and came back to Gordon to say: “Gordon you gotta give me another 20 dollars! I put 20 gallons in your car like you asked me to and 20 dollars isn’t enough by a long shot.” Gordon screams at me: “YOU FUCKING CLUELESS BRAINLESS WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! I obviously meant 20 dollars worth of gas! Fine take it and pay it we got to get going now you jerk!” I didn’t say a word out loud as I went back inside the gas station. I remember thinking, doesn’t anybody else know how to do math anymore? Fucking hell! Wait a minute, math, to determine values of specific numbers... oh my goodness. It was like I was waking up from an educational dream. I was thinking about what mathematic equations could I use in court to make the jury remain my bitch? I still hadn’t figured out how to apply it to the case yet. I got back in the car with Gordon. He glances over at me to say: “You don’t have any brains at all!” I was going to explore a lengthy discourse with Gordon about how human survival depends on the brain. I was going to use a lot of giant words too but he cut me off. I uttered out: “Incorrect, I...” He cuts in to tell me: “That was a rhetorical question!” I answered by saying: “I’m aware and I gave you a rhetorical answer.” Gordon just shook his head sideways horizontally in a negative gesture. When we got to the courthouse, I had him drop me off out front. I went inside of the wrong building on purpose while he was looking. When he was out of my peripheral vision, I ran to the correct building to see Emmet.

Emmet assumed that I was doing what he hoped for, which would be: investigating something relative to the actual case. But no, my cursed ears have screwed me up again... He said there was something wrong or possibly bad about the purchase! I thought he was talking about the fish, called the perchs! Like more than one perch fish. Which is also why I asked him if there was a lake or a freshwater source by that work building. He wishes he would have caught on to me. It was just merely a few hours before the biggest court trial of his lifetime. This was going to decide the type of life Emmet was going to have from this very point, until he dies. No way could he acquire another job with even half as much pay. Well, he was seismically disappointed when he saw me. It was bad enough when I let him know that I spent all that time studying the perch’s in the area. That’s right, I studied fish dammit! My cursed ears were convincing me to find out what I could about those specific fish in the area. What their eating habits were... how they would mate... and in what form or fashion could they have influenced Emmet’s bosses to fire him? When I told Emmet that my time was spent doing those meaningless things, he fell to the floor and broke down crying. What really made this situation worse then it already was, became the fact of the timing. Not only just hours before court... but we already had summary judgement, and it was far too late to request a continuance. I had a hunch about something... I was thinking about the research I did on the perch. I was thinking about their average life span. Accompanying my theory was also Gordon yelling at me even though I was one who used math successfully. Pondering my incomplete plan, I decided to ask Emmet about his age: “So how old are you Emmet?” He was flustered as can be. He sighed loudly and said: “A sympathy vote? Is that what your looking for with the jury? That’s not going to win this? What kind of lawyer are you!” I looked at my notes and replied with an energetic response: “No! We’re not going to need it! I think I have my plan all figured out! Now please tell me how old you are and don’t exaggerate or lie!” He told me he was 55 years old and he didn’t want to say another word