AFTER TWO LONG YEARS
March 14th 2015
When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to rejoice, smile and laugh.
My love life began with a bang when I fell in love at first sight of My Pretty Lotus. We clicked, smiled, laughed, walked and talked. Our married life led us to a perfect family life of over half a century but as usual, that passionate route of love and lustre had to come to an end.
A sad thing in life is when you meet and love someone very dearly and who begins to mean a lot to you. Then suddenly you find out after an enjoyable period of living together for over half a century that it was never meant to be forever. Your beloved passes away and you are left alone to face the new life alone. So what do you do?
Lament, grieve, become devastated and go berserk with pain and sorrow of loneliness or you just have to let go. I had no choice but I had to go on living. The hardship, sadness and inability to tolerate the loss cannot be fully understood by anyone but you yourself.
These presentations have been designed to heal my sufferings and these have assisted me to overcome my sorrows somewhat but I have a long way to go to fully recover. It is over twenty four months of loneliness but I may not be able to succeed until I join My Pretty Lotus in the next life. Until then I was told to keep living, loving and thinking of her. That is what I am doing.
In my life, I never went for looks, they can deceive. I did not go for wealth because I knew that even that fades away gradually. I went for someone who made me
smile, laugh and enjoy my life to the fullest and it took only such pleasant moments to make all my dark days come alive and seem bright.
We knew that a careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck our life but we were certain that timely word may level stress and a loving word may heal and bless us.
It was with these loving sentiments that we loved, lived, laughed and got lost in our world of romance and we never had any chance to either look back or think about our future. However, when My Pretty Lotus lost her battle with her life I was totally devastated and did not know what to do.
Life for the last twenty-four months has been very difficult, lonely and laborious but my Saroj had told me that if something happened to her I should continue to live by celebrating the fond memories that she had left behind. That is what I have been doing and will continue to do. My creativity will keep me busy and keep me attached to her as usual.
LIFE AFTER TWO YEARS
Life after twenty-four months of her passing away is still dull and gloomy
But when I try to take a break and relax my life gets sad and lonely
The heart aches, the brain stops to think and I miss my loving wife
It hurts me with all the pain brewing inside that makes a hard life
There are no more tears in the dry eyes there are no more loving looks
I miss her so much that every moment of my life has nasty hooks
MAIN MAAFI CHAHATA HOON
Hamne aur tumne jo waadaa kiye thea wo chaahe tumko yaad ho ya na ho
Main to unhin waadon ko nibhaa raha hoon tum chaahe ab paas ho ya na ho
Wo jo lutf mila tha hamko tere labzon aur mohabbat ke raaj mein
Unke har ek lamhe ko meri zigar pehchaanti hai is najuk samay mein
Na ab koi gilaa hai na koi shikwa raha hai mazey ki jindgi bitayi thi
Tere pyar ke sansaar mein bada sukh chain tha behadd aaraam thi
Teri har ek adda teri sab nazaakat meri nas nas mein bas gayi hai
Tere jaane ke baad ab bhoolna bhi chaahoon to dil se jati nahin hai
Ab is viraan jindgi ko liye apne tanhaayee se zhagad raha hoon main
Na yahan koi mera sunney wala hai na kisi se baat karta hoon main
Jo ham mein aur tum mein chaahat thi ab aur bhi gaheri ho gayi hai
Tere jaane ke baad is soone ghar aangan mein meri dil kahan lagti hai
Kitna bayaan karoon in jakhmon ki wo to sab dil mein hain bahar nahin hain
Tumko to in sab ka andaaz hoga lekin yahan unhe koi pehchaante nahin hain
Dil par bahut chot lagti hai yeh soch kar ki ham ne tum ko koi sukh nahi diya
Siwaye dukh lakleef ke koi khash kushi ya koi aaraam bhi nahi diya
Paschataap ke kaduye phal chakh raha hoon dil mein bhara hai bahut dard
Sochta hoon ki agar aur bhi pyar kiya hota usko to nibha deta apna farz
Meri sab ruswaayiya tumko yaad ho ya na ho par mujhe to yaad hai
Dil mein ek kasak si uthati hai ki meri gunah maafi ke kabil nahin hai
Tum nahin ho to meri duniya gham se bhari hai yeh tanhaayi khatakti hai
Jaate jaate muddke to dekh leti ki mere dil ke kitaab mein likha kya hai
Jo bhi kusoor ham ne ki hai un sab ka ab to koi ginti nahin hai
Kitni baar mar mar ke jiya hoon aaj mere rukh pe nakaab nahin hai
Akele baythe huye apni sabhi galtiyon ko ab ginta rahta hoon
Tum pe mere jurm ka koi hisaab nahin ab main maafi chahta hoon.
