Final Few Days With My
Pretty Lotus
My final few days with My Pretty Lotus were very difficult and unbearable and they left a very deep scar in my heart and mind. After quietly celebrating the 48th birthday of her eldest son Praanesh on 6th March 2013, My Pretty Lotus I felt totally tired of living any more. For the whole of that treacherous week that followed she kept asking me to cook special meals for her by instructing me how to do it well.
The best part was that she used to enjoy having every dinner with me. Our breakfast used to be a lot of fruit and her favourite wheetbix with warm milk and bit of honey. She did not have much for lunch but managed a sandwich or two with slices of cucumber, tomato and lettuce and did not like any meat in it but I did put in a slice of chicken. Of course, she loved her custard and prunes as afternoon tea.
In her conversation that had some specific messages, dialogues and premonitions for me she kept asking me to do certain things after she has left this world. I used to let her say whatever she wanted but I do not know why I did not pay much attention to her soft, obvious and sweet words. At times she began to narrate the pleasures of our good old days and our various overseas and local trips and tours. She kept thanking me for all that I had done for her but I kept telling her that it was her kindness, assistance and love that I should be thanking her for rather than she to me.
She convinced me in her last few days that while men believed in what they saw; women have a belief in what they heard. She contemplated that all her family life was always full of many melodious songs that she wanted to keep hearing forever but the time had come for her to stop listening to the sweet tunes. She wanted me to keep liking and honouring the few core values that she possessed and pass them on to her children and grand children who would like them.
However, she wanted me to play special songs for her while we played Scrabble every night on the desktop. I do not know how many times she asked me to replay these three specific songs. These were her favourite pieces:
Of course, we kept listening to her different specific choices of ghazals and songs every night and these gave her the motivation to win more games than before. I began to feel that a new light had ignited within her and she wanted to enjoy life in this way. Despite the premonitions and the writing on the walls of life, little did I know that she was sitting on a time bomb and living on a few borrowed moments. Her internal light was flickering before being extinguished.
In the last week of her living in the home every evening when we relaxed in the pergola and enjoyed the panorama of our back yard, a flock of green parrots came to suck the flower juice of the specific tree and a couple of doves sat on the lawn cooing to be served with the usual yellow peas. My Pretty Lotus loved the chirping of these birds as if they gave her an additional breadth to appreciate things around the home.
When the tiny doves finished pecking the grains I had dished out, My Pretty Lotus would ask me to serve them again and when I did this she would say, 'They will show me the way in heaven and will guide you here. Just keep feeding them.'
That week was very disturbing for me because there were multiple signs and gestures that were telling me that the time for her departure had finally arrived. It was only a matter of time because like the burning lamp that gives the final flicker before it is extinguished, My Pretty Lotus was also giving me signs of her departure in a lot of different ways. I was thinking otherwise. I was happy to see that her health was improving and we were planning to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary in Fiji.
My Pretty Lotus gave me an elaborate plan for the celebration and wanted me to book a few two bedroom apartments for all our children and grand children to be there including my brother and his family from USA. I checked the availability at Denarau and had arranged to book five apartments the next week. Alas the next week for me was a week of tragedy and disaster.
The rest is history; she enjoyed the dinner on Monday 11th March 2013 and that night I watched her in her slumber. It was a wonderful sleep after a good game of Scrabble and after listening to her favourite songs that night.
That was our last night together because come Tuesday 12th March, 2013, My Pretty Lotus collapsed with a massive heart attack while finishing her shower. It all sounded so scriptural that she came with nothing and went away with nothing; even she could not put on her clothes after the shower. I did all I could possibly do with my first-aid knowledge to revive her in vain while calling 000 for ambulance service.
They arrived in time to revive My Pretty Lotus temporarily and took her to place her on Life Support at the Emergency Unit of the Royal Brisbane Women’s Hospital while we were anxiously waiting for the medical team to show us some miracle. It did not materialize and we had to agree with the medical team to switch off the life support.
However, before the life support was switched off on Thursday 14th March 2013, I asked the people to allow me sometime alone with My Pretty Lotus. This was a very solemn and heart-breaking moment for me. I kissed her and spoke to her softly and sweetly and I felt that she was listening to me. What I said to her I have no words to describe and reveal. This was the most secret of our conversations and we parted but I collected her soul to be merged with mine for the rest of my life. I did ask her for repentance for any of my trespasses and misdeeds and then prayed for her salvation.
The physical form of My Pretty Lotus was gone but her multiple fond memories were gathered by me to be carried with me for the rest of my life. I did not want to live alone but when with her treasured memories I could manage to last a little longer.
I left the hospital and drove to the end of Moggill Road and sat by the riverside to spill my heart out. This is where we placed her ashes and I regularly visit the place to sooth myself and feel satisfied when I am with her alone.
Time has passed after we laid her to rest in peace at the Centennial Memorial Gardens on Saturday 16th March 2013 but there has not been a moment that I have been without her company in my home. I am with her because I have made her immortal through several of my DVDs, poetic and other compositions using the songs she loved. We were meant to be together for life and here we are doing just that.
That specific tree with special flowers for the green parrots has stopped flowering hence there are no more of those types of birds to come and grant me solace anymore but the doves still sit on the lawn and call me to feed them and I enjoy doing this for the sake of My Pretty Lotus. I am sure she would be enjoying witnessing all my activities from her heavenly abode.
I had promised her that I will write a poem for her each day she is not with me so that I feel her presence forever. So far I have lived up to that promise and every creativity of mine for My Pretty Lotus is published for people to see, read and feel the unconditional love, deep compassion and the great instinctual passion we had for each other.
There are three ways I have pacified my feelings and satisfied my tragic loss. Firstly, I have prayed daily for her salvation. Secondly, I have accepted that although physically she is absent, her soul is still present with me. Thirdly, I view, read and listen to all my creations for her regularly to treasure her fond memories. Why should I miss her then?
Should I, being a septuagenarian now, miss My Pretty Lotus any more in the circumstances? I do not think so. I want to clip my wings and enjoy the rest of my life in this cage with my beloved. That is all I need. Now that I have given all the secrets of our love life, I would like you to read the rest of my creativity with one and only one objective and that is to understand the deep love that we displayed for each other for almost fifty five years and beyond.
NB: My only genuine wish is for the readers to share my feelings and emotions. Likes and dislikes are secondary issues. Of course, there would be some lessons, ideas and messages for everybody. Our family life was full of meaning and I hope my readers can appreciate the core values of our living and loving.
Good reading.