7 Little Secrets to Make Your Relationship Last Forever

By Alexandra Fox
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Unforgettable Woman Publishing
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The Following Material is Based on Alexandra Fox's Bestselling

77 Secrets of LoveEbook:

In mid-2010, the world was shocked when former US VicePresident and environmental activist Al Gore and his wife Tipper announced that, after 40 years of marriage, they were calling it quits.

Recently, new tabloid stories surfaced about Al Gore’s sexual relationship with his massage therapist, who is now demanding 1 million dollar to keep her silence. Well, ladies, here’s another way to become a millionaire :)

Today, in response to this news story, I want to talk about how to make a relationship last. You know, we spend so much time on making a man fall in love with us. But what’s the use of it if we can’t keep it for the long-run. It’s just as important, if not more important, to nurture your relationship, once it gets off the ground. Now, let’s talk about 7 little secrets to make your relationship last …

Secret #1 - Don't Rely On Physical Attraction

I put this at #1 because it's the most basic secret we need to know, and it comes into play even before the relationship starts out -- and yet still too many of us still make the mistake of judging men by their looks. I knew I used to do it, especially after a few martinis :)

It's easy to fall in love with good-looking men, and many of us make the mistake of actually trying to MAKE the relationship happen. And it's amazing how great the lengths we go through to make him love us -- but with little or no success.

It goes both ways, too -- many of us spend so much time trying to look good to the men we meet. And to an extent, it works -- the right makeup, the right outfit, the right hairdo can equate to more men asking for your number.

Remember Britney Spears? When she first came out, she was the darling of men all over the world. Everybody LOVED her.

 

Don't rely on physical attraction. It's enough to get things started, but it's NEVER enough to get him to the altar!

Secret #2 - Go Where the Emotional/Intellectual Chemistry Leads You

Now HERE'S the type of attraction that you should be looking out for.

 

This is the type of attraction that goes beyond physical. It can be one of two things -- intellectual or emotional.

Intellectual attraction is when you feel attracted to the way a man thinks. It often goes like this -- you've known a guy for a while, but you've never felt attracted to his average height, average looks, and average career.

But once you sat down with him one-on-one, and discovered how INTERESTING and WONDERFUL he really is in person -- you immediately feel a deep attraction for him.

That's intellectual attraction at work -- and that's one of the two keys to a relationship that lasts forever!

 

The second key to a relationship is EMOTIONAL attraction.

 

In simpler terms, emotional attraction is simply FALLING IN LOVE.

Sure, you can "fall in love" with a guy's looks. But again, that's just PHYSICAL. That's just EXTERNAL. And when you fall in love with a guy's looks, it's not really "love" -- it's just infatuation. And it never lasts, if that’s all there is.

Here's another thing you'll want to keep in mind -- you don't DECIDE to fall in love. You don't CHOOSE to fall in love. It just happens. And when it happens, you just KNOW it. You feel it in your gut, and no one can take it from you.

If you're attracted to a man both emotionally and intellectually, and if he feels the same way for you -- then congratulations! You can make the first step to form a relationship that can stand the test of time!

Secret #3 - Understand Him

When it comes to divorces and separations, I can identify 5 major causes. And I'll be devoting Secrets #3 to #7 to talk about them one by one.

The first one is this -- MISCONCEPTIONS.

They say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. True enough, right? There are certain things that men do that we find hard to understand.

That's why some women, exasperated by their men, just throw up their hands in surrender and yell, "I give up!"

 

Friends, you can't say "I give up" and expect the relationship to go on smoothly.

When you stop trying to understand how a man's mind works, you open the relationship up to problems, arguments,
misunderstandings, and -- you guessed it -- misconceptions.

Here's a common misconception -- that when he's being quiet, then something must be terribly wrong.

 

It's easy to think this because when WE go quiet, it's often because he did something we didn't like. (I'm talking about the "silent treatment," which works unfairly well by the way!)

But this is a BIG misconception. While we go quiet to show our disapproval with something he did, HE goes quiet for totally different reasons.

He could be preoccupied with work. He could be thinking of new ways to pay the bills. He could be thinking about the future, maybe with you!

Whatever it is, he's NOT mad at you -- so don't get defensive and go silent on him too!

Friends, you can't "figure him out" after a few months or years. You're going to keep "figuring him out" for decades -- or for as long as you want your relationship to last!

Secret #4 - Learn To Speak His Language

In Secret #3, I emphasized the importance of knowing how a man's mind works.

 

In Secret #4, I'll go one step further and emphasize the importance of communication -- in accordance to how a man's mind works.

I can't emphasize it enough, actually -- communication is VERY important in any relationship. Too many relationships fall apart because of simple miscommunication.
There are two things about communication you'll need to know about:

(1) Time. It's important to set aside some time, preferably twice a week, to sit down and talk with each other. It's the "lubricant" of the relationship, and it keeps things moving smoothly.

(2) Understanding. You'll NEED to know how a man's mind works first before you can hope to understand him. And the more you know how he thinks, the more you'll understand how he acts.

(And the more you understand how he acts, the fewer arguments and misunderstandings there'll be to threaten the relationship!)

It's extremely important to know how he thinks about things. The more you understand him -- and the more you can communicate to him at his level -- the fewer problems you'll have to deal with throughout the life of the relationship!

Secret #5 - "Give"

Oh, here's another problem that plagues TOO MANY relationships these days...

Too many people get into marriages half-heartedly, thinking that relationships are centered around compromise. We tend to think that to make a relationship work, we'll have to find a middle ground and stick to that for the rest of our lives.

Sorry, I have a different view of how to make a relationship last forever...

I don't believe in "finding and sticking to a middle ground." That idea is based firmly on the concept of "give and take," where you or your boyfriend/husband has to sacrifice something to get something in the relationship.

Unfortunately, that's where a LOT of divorces begin.

One or both of the partners eventually get tired of sacrificing so much and getting too little. Arguments begin to surface -- and suddenly, with neither one willing to compromise anymore, the relationship begins to sour.

Here's my advice -- never get into a relationship half-heartedly. Think of the relationship as an investment for the future, not a gamble. And be ready to "give and give" instead of "give and take."

Remember, relationship is a not a business transaction. Each party should genuinely enjoy making the other happy. “Giving” should feel good, when you truly love one another. No one should be keeping scores and thinking about how much or how little you’re getting. Don’t fall into that trap …

Secret #6 - Look At the Big Picture

Here's a good way to see whether a man is ready to handle a serious relationship -- ask him about his plans for the future.

I've studied men and relationships long enough to know that men who think about the future -- and make plans to meet the goals he sets for himself -- are the ones who can make a relationship work.

Most men we meet out there "live in the moment." They don't believe in delayed gratification, and sort of operate on the maxim of "enjoy life now, think later."

Sorry, that doesn't cut it in love and relationships.

 

But, as with most things in a relationship, this rule goes both ways.

Do YOU think of the future? Do YOU set goals for yourself? Do YOU go out of your way, even putting instant gratification aside, to make sure you achieve those goals?

If you don't think of the future, and if you don't look at the big picture, believe me -- you're better off NOT getting into a serious relationship just yet.

You're simply not ready! It's as simple as this -- you and your partner BOTH have to be completely ready to make the relationship last forever BEFORE you actually take the leap into marriage.

Don't plan to just "wing it" as you go along. It doesn't work. (And even if it does, you'll still be pretty miserable, thinking how great your life would have been if you waited for someone who was better and more ready.)

Want to know what I believe? If either of you isn't ready to handle a relationship, you have no business getting into one in the first place. You have no business breaking anyone's heart.

It's that simple!

Secret #7 - Don't Think Marriage Will Solve Your Problems

Here's another thing that causes divorces and separations all over the world -- the idea that marriage will solve your problems.

Too many of us think that if things aren't perfectly okay with us and our boyfriends, getting married and "sealing the deal" would fix everything.

Big mistake! Marriage does not, and NEVER WILL, solve your problems.

 

Here's how it works -- marriage doesn't fix a relationship. It only MAGNIFIES what's already there.

So if your relationship is plagued by problems, marriage will MAGNIFY those problems. If your relationship is on-and-off, then your marriage will be EVEN MORE on-and-off.

But if your relationship is harmonious, then guess what -marriage will MAGNIFY the harmony. If it's fun and enjoyable, then your marriage will be even MORE enjoyable. You get the idea!

That's why it's extremely important to get the basics down before committing to a more serious relationship. You need to spend enough time to form the foundation of your relationship -- LOVE
-- and make it strong enough to support a relationship for decades upon decades.

And that's the message I want to bring door-to-door to every woman around the world. It is my hope that my e-books, newsletters, and articles ultimately have an effect on how we see love and relationships …

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