How your pain affects your loved ones
Chronic or severe pain affects everyone who loves and takes care of you. It can be hard for family members and friends to watch someone close to them be in pain.
Like you, your loved ones may feel angry, anxious, and lonely. They may feel helpless because they can’t make you feel better. They may even feel guilty that you have pain while they don’t. Or they may feel loss, because your pain keeps you from doing things you like to do.
It’s natural for family members and friends to have these emotions. It may help if everyone understands that these emotions exist and that no one needs to face them alone.
Let your family members know it’s okay for them to get help. Like you, they can talk to a counselor or join a support group. Encourage them to ask the oncology social worker about the options that are available for them.
Also, they can read the NCI booklets for caregivers listed on the inside front cover of this booklet.
Talking with family members
You may want to let family members and friends know how you’re feeling. For some, this can be hard or awkward. Some people say that they want to avoid upsetting those closest to them. Others say that they don’t want to seem negative. But open and honest communication can help everyone. Letting others know about your pain may help them understand what you are going through. They can then look for ways to help you. Your loved ones may also feel better knowing that they’re helping to make you feel more comfortable.
Family problems before your cancer
Any problems your family had before you got cancer are likely to be more intense now. Or maybe your family just doesn’t communicate very well. If this is the case, you can ask a social worker to set up a family meeting for you. During these meetings, the doctor can explain treatment goals and issues. And you and your family members can state your wishes for care. These meetings can also give everyone a chance to express their feelings in the open. Remember, there are many people you can turn to at this time.
For more about coping with your feelings, see the NCI brochure, Taking Time: Support for People With Cancer. See page 34 on how to order or download.