Prologue
Welcome to the journal of our car/bike/camp trip from California to St. Louis and back.
Now, hold on, I know what you’re saying: “Journal? Oh boy, here it comes: ‘Today we went here, and then we turned left, and we drove to that town, and we had crackers and tomato soup, and I got diarrhea, and then we visited Aunt Joan.’”
No, it’s not going to be like that at all, except for maybe the diarrhea part. I promise that if it starts sounding like one of your brother-in-law’s boring slide shows, I will stop this book, and we’ll turn around and go home. I mean it.
My wife (Lena) and I ride our bikes a lot, so when we travel, we bring our bikes and do day rides. This way, we avoid the hardships of real bicycle touring, yet can still feel snobbishly superior to the other tourists.
We have, of course, planned the trip in minute detail. I have written down this plan, and here it is:
The plan also includes numerous charts and maps. Well, one map:
In case you find our adventures too stimulating, and need a break, I have interspersed the journal chapters with thought-provoking life tips, stories from my past, and descriptions of my wacky inventions. You’ll read about puking in a thunderstorm and how Morfar’s buddy swallowed a trumpet. You’ll hear poignant anecdotes about what happened when doctors discovered a golf-ball-sized tumor in my wife’s brain and how everything we owned burned. Here’s an example of the kind of stories you’ll read:
A few years ago, I needed advice on setting up payroll for my small company, and drove down to my accountant’s office to speak with his assistant. It was an informal operation—the kind with overstuffed chairs, worn rugs, and an office dog. A few weeks after this meeting, I called and said “Hi, I have some questions about the payroll system, could I please speak to Sadie?” Unfortunately, I hadn’t really paid attention to the names, and it turned out that “Sadie” was the name of the office dog. So now, whenever I go there, I expect them to whistle for Sadie, in case I want to ask her about stock options or retirement plans.
So, those are the kinds of stories you have to look forward to if the journal gets too exciting. Someone suggested that I make them “sidebars,” but since I don’t know what a sidebar is, I’ll just put them in their own chapters.
Concerning photos, apparently having hundreds of pictures in a book is some kind of literary faux pas (well, excuse me!), so I’ve limited myself to one or two photos per chapter. I cried a little when I stripped out the excess pictures, because I really like photos (especially my own), but I still have binders full of photos (and some videos) on the web. So for the full brother-in-law slide show experience, follow the links on my author web site, AlMacyAuthor.com.