Chapter Thirty-Seven
More Wacky Inventions
Actually making or using any of the inventions described in this chapter could result in serious injury, fire, or death. I am describing them here simply for your amusement. Got it?
Most of these inventions are no big deal, but I describe them because when friends see them, they say “Al, what’s wrong with you?” But then they’ll say, “Huh, that’s kind of interesting.” And what they mean by “that’s interesting,” is “Al, there is something wrong with you.” I can’t take credit for the original ideas, because I usually can’t remember whether I thought of them myself or saw them somewhere.
Remote Control Holder: The scientists at Logitech conducted a study to figure out where all the lost remote controls go. Unsurprisingly, 49% were found between the couch cushions, but four percent ended up in the fridge.
The obvious solution is a small board with all your remotes Velcroed to it. Try putting this in your refrigerator absentmindedly. You won’t see this on Amazon, perhaps because it’s just a piece of wood with some Velcro.
Toothbrush Anti-Germ Structure: If you put your toothbrush in a cup, the saliva/toothbrush conglomeration that’s left over from your rinsing will ooze down into the cup and grow little microscopic Jabba the Huts. Instead, this structure will let the toothbrush drain into the sink.
Bubble Wrap Insulation: A lot of heat is lost through our windows, even if we remember to close them. Here’s a cheap way to add a little insulation while still letting the light through. This solution is best if you don’t actually need to see through the window.
Simply spray the window with water, and press the bubble wrap against it. That’s it. Here’s what it looks like.
Indoor Motion Sensor Lights: Imagine if you needed to switch on the light in the refrigerator each time you opened the door. Oh, the horror! But seriously, the automatic light in the fridge is a great idea, so why not extend it to rooms in your house? I purchased an exterior motion sensor light and set it up by the door from my house to the garage. Now, if I take basket full of laundry into the garage, the light comes on automatically. And by “if I take” I mean “if my wife takes.”
Sliding Firewood Box: Like any self-respecting tightwad, I heat my house for free with wood that I’ve cut up from downed trees. For many years, I refilled the wood box next to the wood stove by walking armfuls of wood from the door to the box. What a waste of time, and the carpet wasn’t happy either. It’s better to take the woodbox to the wood instead of the wood to the woodbox. I simply glued some furniture gliders to the bottom of the box, and it slides easily over to the door where I fill it from the wheelbarrow and slide it back.
Fire Blower: Often you need to revive a fire in your woodstove or fireplace or get some embers to flare up when adding some new wood. Most people do this by blowing on the fire, but there’s a better way. To understand the concept, imagine using a table straw to concentrate your breath at a discrete part of the embers. This would work fine, but your face is too close to the fire (sometimes sparks are given off), and the straw will melt.
So, buy a 2.5 foot section of .5 inch PVC pipe, and glue a piece of smaller diameter metal pipe to the end so that it protrudes a few inches. Finally, glue a plastic table straw into the metal pipe, flush with the end. This is what the business end looks like.
With this blow tube you’ll be able to bring the smallest embers back to life. You can turn a sleepy fire into a blast furnace in seconds. Avoid the temptation to use a shorter length of PVC pipe because sometimes you’ll generate energetic sparks, and you don’t want your face anywhere near those. Plus, you get to feel like a South American blowgun warrior. Just don’t inhale.
Bicycle Work-Stand: An adjustable height work-stand makes bike repairs much easier. Fasten 2x4s together as shown in the next picture and attached the result to the wall with a hanger bolt and a wingnut.
